His next two days were filled to overflowing with meetings. And orders. Giving them. To officers. And servants alike.
He also had to quickly learn how the palace functioned. So he spent both days conversing with guards and servants as he toured the extensive grounds. He entered every room and spied out the workings of each process.
He also met with his mother and his sister again. Though, he avoided Ah Ro.
By the time he arrived back at his chambers each night, he found Eun Sook already sound asleep on her little couch. But it was clear to him that she had spent all day writing at his desk. A desk he had yet to use. Too much in the palace required his direct attention. Perhaps, someday, he’d sit down long enough to occupy that seat.
As he stood staring down at her the second night, he realized how much he missed her. He hadn’t heard one of her stories for two nights now. And he craved her voice. And the comfort of her arms.
But he had so much filling up his head right now. And he was terribly nervous about tomorrow. What if the hwarang determined that he was unworthy of the throne? What if Seon Woo changed his mind?
Truthfully, Jin Heung needed them all. If he was going to successfully reign over Silla and subdue the council. The only way to bend that unruly group of elders to his will and to his designs for the kingdom was with the support of the hwarang and Seon Woo.
If they failed him, he was lost.
He hadn’t even been able to eat tonight. His concerns were swallowing him whole. The only thought that had carried him through today had been the knowledge that tonight he would return to this beautiful woman. Waiting for him. Alone. In his bedchamber.
Only, she hadn’t been. She’d slept on that uncomfortable chaise longue again. Even though he had made it clear that he wanted her in his bed. It was just as obvious that she didn’t desire him as he desired her. It frustrated him. Even in the midst of all the chaos happening in his life.
His lingering feelings for Ah Ro. His mother’s sickness brought on by the evil plots of cruel men. His uncertainty about ascending the throne tomorrow. His insecurity concerning his relationship with Seon Woo and the man’s fidelity to him. His questioning whether the hwarang would choose to back him as king.
How on earth did he have space in his head or in his heart to consider this young woman?
He shook his head. It was inconceivable. Yet possible.
Of course, it was.
She was the one moment of sanity in his day. The one seat of comfort. The one voice that wasn’t demanding something from him or expecting him to be somebody of their own making. She’d put no limits on him. And no expectations either. And he didn’t fear disappointing her. His relationship with her was…uncomplicated. It was, in fact, the only uncomplicated relationship in his whole life.
Ah Ro might have gotten him this far. But she would carry him no longer. He needed to turn his attention to someone else. And Eun Sook seemed to him to be the perfect candidate.
His only sorrow was that he could not marry her. She was a commoner. And he, a king. His only option was to make her his concubine. Wasn’t it?
He had been willing to relinquish his throne to pursue marriage with Ah Ro. But it was too late for such a scheme now. He had already announced to the world that he was the king. And many people were primed to gamble on him tomorrow. And on his vision of Silla. He could not let them down. Not even to pursue the desires of his own heart.
And what a fickle heart it was! To be thinking itself so drawn already to this woman when he’d only just been spurned by the woman whom he’d professed to love enough to give up his throne for her.
But…if he really wanted to do away with the injustices of the bone rank system – if he desired to make Silla a land of prosperity for everyone from the lowliest peasant to the grandest prince – couldn’t he marry outside of the royal house?
He shook his head. He just wasn’t sure how much of the world was ready for his vision of it. And he didn’t want to test it too far. He didn’t want to grasp for too much and lose all that he could have had if he had simply moved a little more prudently.
So, he would deny his own heart. For the good of his kingdom.
What did it matter anyway? The woman had shown no interest in him. Despite his kindness to her.
Was it that she found herself unworthy of his attention? Or was she just not attracted to him?
But then he remembered her murmured words of their first encounter.
“You’re every bit as beautiful as I always knew you’d be.”
She had believed that he was the terribly handsome, terribly romantic, terribly clever hero king whom she’d created in her imagination. Her ideal. So she couldn’t possibly be indifferent to him, could she?
He bent and scooped her up in his arms. He’d let her sleep on this ridiculous couch last night. But tonight, he was going to hold her in his arms. Especially if he had to do without the comfort of her soothing voice. Her presence alone would get him through this interminable night. So that he could face tomorrow bravely.
He has a lot of fears but I like how he recognises the reality