I am greeted at the school entrance by the principal. She smiles at me, relieving some of my stress.
“Jungkook caused quite a commotion this morning.”
Well, that wouldn’t surprise you if you lived in the universe I was in yesterday. He always causes quite a commotion. If you think a skirt is bad, you should see what his sweat does to millions of girls!
But I don’t say any of this, so she continues, “The girls were going nuts when they saw his bare calves. And his knees! I heard more than one girl exclaiming over his knees.”
As I look at her, I have this bizarre sense that his knees made her melt too, but of course, she’s not going to say so since he’s sixteen and she’s thirty. I clear my throat, trying to move from fan girl mode to mom mode. Actually, I’m having no trouble seeing him as my sixteen-year-old son anymore, knees or no knees visible. But I am suddenly wondering if he did this on purpose. Was he trying to attract girls? But if he was, why didn’t he just wear shorts? He’d still be showing off his knees then. And possibly, he wouldn’t have attracted such negative attention from the authority figures.
Just then, those knees appear walking down the steps above us. My eyes travel from his black dress shoes up his naked calves – When did those legs get so hairy? I remember when they were smooth as a baby’s cheek – over his bare knees, muscles popping as he climbs down the stairs, to the offending yellow and black, pleated skirt, up his torso clad in a matching yellow sweater vest over a white, button-down, long-sleeve shirt. Then I look up at his adorable face. I wonder how every girl in this school isn’t already in love with my son.
God, protect him from all those girls! I send a prayer heavenward.
Jungkook’s stunning eyes pierce me with humility as he sheepishly meets my gaze. My heart melts all over again. I realize this boy has had me wrapped around his finger since birth.
“I have already told Jungkook that a repeat performance of this dress code violation will not be tolerated. He understands me.” Her gaze shifts from me to him as she speaks this last sentence.
“I will bring him back as soon as his laundry is done,” I respond. “I’m assuming this morning is an unexcused absence?”
“No. We will let him make up the work this time.” She says it firmly, clearly intimating that next time it will be an out-of-school suspension.
Jungkook nods his head. “Thank you,” he whispers, and I see the shy boy he still is around others.
The confidence of JK is missing in my son. And I’m actually glad because I know it’s a false confidence. It’s a mask he has finely sculpted to attract the world and to protect his heart from that same world, but this persona doesn’t reveal his true heart. I am working on building the real thing in Kookie.
I think of the real Jungkook from yesterday’s universe. The one who has been revealed over and over again in the simplest of actions. When Jungkook climbed down from a stage and jumped over a barrier to visit a girl in a wheelchair at one of his concerts. He was heedless of the fans swarming him. His focus was on one precious girl. He just wanted to make her smile. He longed to bring her a measure of comfort in the only way he knew how. Such a sweetheart.
I see him bending to pick up trash as he helps the staff clean up after some event. I watch as he notices Yoongi jumping up in an effort to be photographed, then Jungkook walks over to him and picks Yoongi up, lifting him high enough to be in the shot. I see Jungkook reaching out to pull a piece of lint out of one of the boys’ hair. In another scene, he’s intently watching and listening as the others talk. He’s learning from them and honoring them. They are so important to him, so he’s sowing his time into them. He has the heart of a servant. This is the real Jungkook. This is what makes him a prince. This is the sweet boy I have seen.
Why does he not believe that he is enough?
I wish that I could reach that boy in yesterday’s reality. That I could touch his heart with these words: You, my son, are enough. Jungkookie, you are enough. Just as you are. You are so loved. I see you. I hear you. I know your heart. And you are enough.
But today I am here. And in this reality, I do have a voice in Jungkook’s life. One of the most important voices that will ever speak to him. I am his mother. He truly is my son. So what I say really does matter. It has a revolutionary effect on him. So I will choose my words wisely.
Jungkook and I turn and head for the van in silence. As I try to unlock the door by pushing the button on the handle, the van unlocks and then locks again immediately. I blow out steam in frustration.
“Oh, this new van! It’s a blessing, but really? Can it just not lock me out of my own car? It’s not a van. It’s a computer on wheels! And the last thing I need is another computer to master!”
Kookie’s soft voice floats to me as he crosses the front of the van to join me on my side. “Mom, just open the door. You don’t need to push the button. The button locks it.”
He reaches out and pulls the door handle. And my door magically unlocks and opens immediately. I glance up at his dark eyes and feel suddenly comforted by his precious presence. He smiles at me, lighting up his face. He is so sweet! In this dimension he has the same servant heart. Of course, he does!
He reaches in and taps the unlock button on my inner door before walking back to his side of the van. This boy can work the car’s computer system, but he can’t do a load of laundry? I look at him, a little bewildered. Clearly, we need each other!
As we settle into our seats, I try to comfort him now. “Kookie, you know you are a treasure just as you are, right? You don’t have to work so hard. You don’t need to work to impress me, or Dad, or your teachers, or the girls at school.”
He lifts downcast eyes to me. “But I’m so shy, Mom. I can’t talk to girls. They intimidate me.”
“Why?”
“What if I say something stupid, and they don’t like me?”
“Kookie,” I whisper softly, compassion lacing my voice with gentleness.
“I’m not the smartest guy in class. I’m not the cutest.”
Privately, I doubt this statement very much.
“I might be the most athletic – but that impresses the guys more than the girls.”
“Kookie, I know one thing for certain.”
“What?” His obsidian orbs lock with my own.
“You are definitely the sweetest guy in your class. And above all the other traits a man can have, that is the one girls look for the most.”
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s true. A guy can be brilliant, but if he’s a jerk, who cares? A guy might be gorgeous, but if he treats a girl bad, then he becomes ugly. A guy can be good at sports, but if he’s not a gentleman, what girl is going to want to stay with him? But a sweetheart, a guy who can make a girl laugh and feel good about herself, that’s a guy every girl wants. And Kookie?”
He focuses all his attention on me.
“I know this is your mom speaking, but believe me when I say this. I really know what I’m talking about. Right now, at least half the girls in your school are sighing over how cute you are. They think you are adorable. They’re just too shy to talk to you because you are the cute boy. And they think you’d never look their way. So find the girl you like and be brave. Become her friend. I doubt very much that she’ll reject you. And Kookie…”
He smiles at me, revealing a bit of those cute teeth. “What?”
“Keep your knees covered, son. Be kind. You’re driving those girls nuts.”
His smile turns into a full grin, his white teeth shining out at me as his dark eyes nearly disappear. His ruffled, midnight hair is falling rakishly over his forehead.
Oh, my. Yes, those girls are sighing, all right.
