The Innocent – Chapter 20: Awakening

He took a step towards her.  And she glanced up at him.  A veil of vulnerability descended over her features.  Still, he continued to move towards her.  Until he was standing a mere foot from her.  Then very gently…extremely slowly…he lifted his hand and reached for her.  Giving her ample time to back away. 

But she didn’t move. 

She was, in fact, frozen.  Her breath had flown.  She stood, in painful anticipation, wondering what he was about to do.  Not because she believed that he would hurt her.  Rather, because she was certain that, whatever path he chose, it might just be delightful.  And then, once he’d changed his mind about her, she would hurt all the more for having walked that path with him. 

As she gazed up at him, she recognized his captivating essence.  That enticing part of him that had beguiled so many girls.  Was she about to become his willing victim too?

But as he paused a moment to glance down into her eyes, she realized that what drew her to him wasn’t charm.  It was nothing so inauthentic and fleeting as that.  What attracted her to him, what held her steady, was a deep-seated compassion swirling in the depths of his gaze.  And an inexplicable kindness in his manner, a gentleness she had never before encountered.  The force of that irresistible combination was holding her still right now.

Should she let him have his way?  So he could discover the truth for himself?

She closed her eyes.  But she didn’t make a move to stop him. 

So the tip of his index finger kept traveling patiently towards her until it was touching the side of her elbow.  She didn’t flinch.  So his other fingers joined it in resting lightly on her arm.  Then his hand slid tenderly down the outside of her arm.  Still, she trembled.  She’d squeezed her eyes tightly shut.  Against him.

He kept his own eyes riveted to her face.  As he watched a myriad of pained emotions swirling in her countenance.  Fear.  Sorrow.  An intense longing.  It tugged at his heart.

He wanted her to take delight in his touch.  He never wanted to see dread in her countenance again.  Especially not when he touched her.

Finally, he spoke in the gentlest of whispers.

“Did he ever touch you?  Like this?”  He paused a moment.  “Your husband?”

She shook her head.  Even as she stopped breathing.  His fingertips kept slipping down her skin, and a thousand tingles continued to slide along the nerves of that one arm.  Before exploding into a ball of heat in the very center of her abdomen.  She shivered.  She’d never enjoyed such delicious sensations before.  She hadn’t even known they existed.

And he did it again.  His fingers traveling soothingly in a reverse pattern up her arm before dipping down its length once more.  Headed for her hand.

He was watching her.  She wasn’t impervious to him.  Or cold. 

She was vibrating with the sensations he was releasing into her flesh.  But she was also shaking with fear.

He could feel it.

So his hand stilled as his fingertips came to rest softly along her wrist.  His hand wrapped lightly around her arm, and he could feel the terrifyingly rapid beat of her pulse beneath the pad of his thumb.

“Relax,” he whispered.  “Surely, you’ve experienced this before.  Haven’t you?”

Had her husband been a complete imbecile?  Or had the man been violent?  As Soo Ho suspected.  Devoid of tenderness.

He could feel her withdrawing.  And his heart sank.  He wanted to keep her here wrapped in this warm cocoon of desire with him.  But he was now afraid to reach for her.  He had no wish to scare her.  Yet she already seemed terrified of his touch.

“Please,” he murmured against her temple as he leaned towards her.  “Stay.”

His warm breath slid over her cheek, teasing the loose hairs at her temple.  And she was so tempted to lean into his strength.  And surrender to him.  But a man’s might had only ever been used against her. 

Except…

…that wasn’t true anymore.

Soo Ho had utilized his strength to defend her from that beggar who had accosted her on the street.  Soo Ho had protected her.  Would he do that then…yet hurt her now?

She could feel herself weakening as he continued to breathe into her ear.  He wasn’t moving.  His fingers were still lightly wrapped around her wrist, but she could easily break his hold. 

She could feel the heat of him.  Rolling off his chest, a scant few millimeters from hers.  It would be so easy to simply relax into him.  Again.  To lean up against that muscled body and let his strength flow into her.

But…then what?

Would he coax her to look at him?  And when she did, would he kiss her?  Capturing not only her lips but also her heart?  And once he had it, what would he decide to do with it?

It was one thing to defend a girl out on the street.  It was another to play nicely with her emotions.  And Jung Sook had no desire to gain a broken heart.

Sure, Soo Ho had been kind to her.  He had befriended her.  And protected her.  But when the game came to its eventual end, and he found himself bored with her charms – or worse yet, repelled by her inadequacies – would he simply walk away and leave yet another girl devastated?

She was certain that she couldn’t handle that.  He had played with innocent girls before and burned them.  But she wasn’t one of those girls.  She’d already been shattered twice in her life.  She couldn’t endure another breaking.  She just didn’t have the strength for it. 

So she tugged very lightly against his grasp.  Just to test him.

He released her instantly.  And she took a step back.

“You don’t want me,” she murmured.

As her eyes met his, he caught sight of the haunted look in her gaze.

“Please, Jung Sook.  Talk to me,” he begged her.

“You don’t want a damaged girl like me.”  Her lips flipped upwards, but her eyes were filling with tears.  “You want a beautiful girl.  Someone untried.  And true.  And worthy of your wide heart.”

She wasn’t sure why she’d said any of those words.  But over the last few weeks, she’d caught glimpses of that heart of his.  And she was pretty certain that – although he might have manufactured his interest in her, at least in the beginning – what man in his right mind would choose a plain widow over a beautiful innocent? – she believed that deep down a kind heart did beat in his chest. 

He clearly loved his sister.  And he had defended that little girl in the marketplace.  And he had protected Jung Sook from that vagabond.

But he was a hwarang.  A man of honor.  Son of a royal councilor.  A future lord.  And expected to marry a girl from a noble house.  He would choose – or more likely his parents would choose – a young, virginal girl of proper pedigree for him.  Someone who had been groomed to be married to such as he.

There would be no place in his life – or in his heart – for a mousy, little widow.

So she stepped back.

Soo Ho stared down at her.  “What are you talking about?  There isn’t anyone better than you!”

Her eyes softened as she stared up at him.  “You say the sweetest things sometimes.”  Then she slid the sword in deep.  “How often did you practice that line in front of a looking glass?  It’s designed to make a girl simper, right?  Now, you’ll tell me again that you love me just to see if I melt in your arms, right?”

She was mocking him.  Sorrow filled him with an odd sort of outrage.

“Why are you doing this?” he whispered furiously.

“Why are you doing this?” she breathed.

But he didn’t miss the tremor that filled her voice.

Right before she turned and walked away from him. 

But it didn’t matter.  She couldn’t go very far.  They were, after all, inside her tiny house. 

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Lucia

    I hope he will not overstep the boundaries… But I believe he is grown enough to realise when to push and when to pull

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