The Target – Chapter 11: Rationalizations

He shouldn’t have touched her.  It had been a mistake.  For some reason, his touch had made her leery of him.  Perhaps it was too soon to pursue even the simplest of physical intimacies with her.  

It seemed so strange to him, though.  In his mind, they should be able to pick up where they had left off.  All the years had rolled away at his first sighting of her.  And with each encounter, the distance between them seemed halved again.  As a child, she had held his hand every time that he had been fearful or upset.  Why couldn’t she do so now?  And why couldn’t he offer her the same comfort?

But she seemed to believe that he no longer knew her heart.  Had she really changed that much over the intervening years? 

He felt as if he had not.  He was still basically the boy he had once been.  Braver, yes.  Stronger, sure.  But his heart hadn’t changed.  He still wanted the same things. 

He continued to believe in a world where the bullies lost and righteousness prevailed.  And mercy flowed like gentle rain from Heaven above.  It was a vision for which he spent every day as a hwarang fighting.  To see those with evil intent stopped.  To ensure that justice prevailed.  And peace was kept.  Or restored where it had been lost.

Where had Sam Sook lost her peace?  Could he restore it?

What did he know of this woman?  He hadn’t seen her in so many years.  She had grown into womanhood apart from him.  She’d married an older man, delivered his children, and nursed him until he’d left her for the grave.  Then, she had suffered the loss of her father.  A man whom Yeo Wool knew she had dearly loved.  Now she had returned to her mother to take care of the lonely woman.  And to raise her own daughters without the benefit of an appa.

Sam Sook had always been thus.  Caring for everyone else.  At the expense of herself.

Years ago, she had seen to her mother’s desires.  And helped to raise her younger sisters.  She had attended to her father’s needs.  She’d even gone hunting with him.  Mastering the bow and arrow.  Striving to fill the place of the son whom he’d never had.  Seeking to please her father in every way possible. 

He’d even trained her in politics, strategies of war, and every intellectual pursuit which he had enjoyed.  Her mind had forever been a steel trap, capturing all available information and integrating it into the greater structure of her thought processes.  The girl had always been brilliant.  And kind.  And far too independent.  To the point that Yeo Wool now wondered how often she’d been hurt and shared her pain with no one. 

Had she always seen herself as the invincible one?  Had she dreaded revealing her vulnerabilities to anyone else?  For fear that she would disappoint them?

Was she still trapped in that lie?

And if she were, how could he free her?

It was time for a little payback.  Yeo Wool was seeking to strengthen her as she had once fortified him.  She had cared for her entire family with a dedication and determination that were rare in one so young.  And then, she had adopted him into her family.  Watching over him like he was one of her little siblings.  But she had never allowed anyone to soothe her.  She hadn’t been good at receiving comfort as a child either. 

He still recalled the time that he’d found her in his garden trembling.  It had been just a couple of weeks before she’d moved away.

“Sam Sook?  What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing that moving won’t fix,” she’d murmured mysteriously.

 

“Did someone hurt you?”  He could think of a multitude of reasons that would cause her to quake.  All of them were akin to the fears from which she had delivered him.

 

Fears that threatened to overwhelm him again as he considered her inevitable disappearance from his life in the coming weeks.  Who would protect him from the bullies once she was gone?

 

But he would push those thoughts away.  Leaving them for another time.  Right now, in her presence, he would embrace peace.  Perhaps he would discover enough of it to strengthen him to resist those bullies on his own once she had gone.

 

But now he wasn’t thinking of himself.  He was worried about his friend.  His avenging angel.

 

But she declined his concern.  “No.  I’m fine,” she brushed off his worry and straightened.  “I just missed you.  That’s all.”

 

“You’re trembling because you missed me?”  He hadn’t believed her then.

And now that he remembered that encounter, he found that he still didn’t believe her.  All these years later.  And a conviction was suddenly birthed in his heart.  Somebody had hurt his precious Sam Sook.  Back then.  And perhaps more recently too.

And she had been too afraid – or perhaps too ashamed – to ask anyone for help.  As he had once been.  Before she’d come to the rescue of a weak eight-year-old boy.

But now, it was his turn.  He would arise as her knight in shining armor.  To steal the fear from her life.  And to fill her heart with the peace that she had once given him.

––

She had done nothing to comfort him.  Not one single thing.  Well, not after that initial hug anyway.

That’s all that Sam Sook could think about as she wandered back to Jung Sook’s house to pick up her daughters.

She could have wrapped him in her arms and lent him the comfort of her lips.  Instead, she had made herself seem cold towards him.  She hadn’t even offered him the solace of friendship.  Rather, she had pointed out the obvious.  That more than thirteen years had separated them from each other.  But once, he had been her best friend.  She had felt back then that an eight-year-old boy had understood her better than all the girls she knew.

Was it possible that this young man could understand her now?

But how could he?  How could he understand a woman who had lived the life of an adult for a decade now?  A woman who had loved and buried a husband?  And raised two little girls?  And who was now solely responsible for their welfare?

What did she and Yeo Wool have in common?

Nothing.

Were she to ever marry again, she would be wise to choose an older gentleman experienced in raising children.  A man who would be patient with both her and her daughters.  Someone kind and fatherly.  Not a mere slip of a boy.

Yeo Wool was barely twenty-one.  What did he know of life?

But then his words floated back to her.

“I have seen a boy felled by his brother’s sword.  By accident.  I have seen an old woman not wake up from a nap.  Perhaps that, at least, was in the normal order of things.  I have seen men grievously wounded in combat return to fight again.”

His life hadn’t exactly been a bed of roses.  He had faced horrible realities head-on.  Perhaps worse things than she had seen.  Though…surely not worse than she had personally suffered.

She drew a deep breath.  And couldn’t shake the feeling that she had just failed the best friend that she’d ever had.  Next to Se Ho.

She smiled bitterly.  How she missed both her husband and her beloved father!  The two guiding lights of her life.  Men of experience and wisdom.  And a certain wonderful gentleness.

Which just made her think of Yeo Wool again.  Once more, she felt his tender fingertips sliding over her hand.  She shivered.  And tried to tamp down on the longing that he’d just stirred in her heart.  And in her body.

She hadn’t been with a man in…

She shuddered.  She would not think of that.

Yeo Wool had unveiled a desire in the midst of her belly that she had never experienced with Se Ho.  And she didn’t know what to do about it.  So she decided that she would simply ignore it.

She probably wouldn’t see him for a while anyway….

––

She arrived at Jung Sook’s house a few minutes later to pick up her girls.

“Sam Sook!  What are you doing back so soon?” Jung Sook asked her in concern after she’d been shown into their sitting room.  “Did you and Yeo Wool have an argument?”

Sam Sook glanced up at her.  “It wasn’t that.”  Her eyes searched the room.  “Is Soo Ho here?”

Jung Sook nodded.  “What’s wrong?”  She stood up abruptly.  She could tell by the look on her friend’s face that something wasn’t right.

“Yeo Wool’s grandmother has passed away.  Just an hour or so ago.”

“Oh, dear!  That poor man!  He doted on her.”

“Yes, he did,” Sam Sook murmured.

“I must go tell Soo Ho!” Jung Sook made a move towards the door, but someone else spoke from its doorway before she could cross the room.

“Please.  Let me tell him.”

She heard Sam Sook gasp before that woman spun around and stared at Yeo Wool as he entered the room.  Jung Sook didn’t miss the shock on her friend’s face.  Or the disturbed look either.  The young teacher also noticed how Yeo Wool’s eyes found Sam Sook first.  They stared at one another for several oddly silent seconds.

“Yeo Wool, I am so sorry!” Jung Sook interrupted that silent communication by stepping towards her husband’s good friend with her hands held out towards him.

The corners of his lips tipped upwards in a mirthless smile.  “Thank you, my dear,” he replied as his gaze found hers.  “Now, where can I find Soo Ho?”

“Right behind you,” came another masculine voice.

Yeo Wool turned towards his friend.

“What brings you here?” Soo Ho queried curiously.

“My grandmother has died.”

“What!?”  Soo Ho’s face fell.  “No!  Not your sweet grandmother.  Oh, Yeo Wool, I am that sorry, my friend.”  He stepped towards his fellow hwarang and lifted his arms to give him a quick hug.

Sam Sook continued to stare at Yeo Wool.

He must have followed her.  Just a few steps behind her.  The entire way from his house to theirs.  How had she not been aware of his presence?

Of course, her thoughts had been so loud.  They had, most likely, taken up all the space in her head.

“What do you need?” Soo Ho suddenly asked Yeo Wool.

That worthy gentleman furrowed his smooth brow.  “What?”

“From me?  From us?  What can we do to help?”

Yeo Wool shrugged.  “Nothing.  I just didn’t want you to learn of her death through neighborhood gossip.  I must head to Dan Se’s to break the news to him.  He did adore my grandmother too.”

“I’ll go with you,” Soo Ho instantly offered.

“Would you?” A faint smile teased Yeo Wool’s lips now.  “Thank you.  I’ll take you up on that offer.  I’m not quite ready to be alone yet.”

Why did his eyes stray towards Sam Sook?

They collided with her own a moment later.  And seemed to stick there.  In that position.  For several terrifying seconds.

Her heart began to race again.  What on earth was wrong with her?

“I will help prepare food for her funeral dinner,” Jung Sook offered graciously, drawing his gaze away from Sam Sook once more.

But that lovely lady wasn’t about to be outdone by her new friend.  “So will I!” she insisted generously.

And those gorgeous eyes made their way back to her again.  “Thank you,” Yeo Wool declared solemnly as his eyes flitted from one woman to the other.  “Jung Sook.  Jeong Sam Sook.”

Then he bowed to them both before following Soo Ho out the door.

And Jung Sook’s eyes instantly found Sam Sook’s.  Although the older woman’s gaze was still riveted on the now empty doorway in which Yeo Wool had been standing a moment before.

“All right, Sam Sook.  I think it’s about time that you spill your secret.  What happened between the two of you when you went to his house?”

Sam Sook glanced at her.  And sighed deeply.  What was the fastest way that she could find to avoid this conversation?

“Nothing.”

“You cannot expect me to believe that.  The air between you just melted.”

Sam Sook scoffed.  “We visited for a few moments.  He told me about his grandmother.  I expressed my condolences.  We spoke about a couple of other matters.  And then I left.”

“How did you express your condolences?”

“What?” Sam Sook queried in a hollow whisper.

“Did you convey them as I did?  In words only?  Or did you perchance…embrace him?”

Sam Sook could feel her face now growing warm.  She turned abruptly away from her friend.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” came Jung Sook’s bold voice.

“To find my girls.”  Instantly, a quaver rent her voice.  “Where are my girls?”

Jung Sook crumpled her brow at the worry which she’d just detected in the odd timbre of Sam Sook’s voice.  “They’re both in Bo A’s bedroom.  Playing with her dolls.”

Sam Sook seemed to visibly relax, and the valley troubling Jung Sook’s brow deepened. 

“Sam Sook.  What is going on?”

“What?”

“Why are you worried about your daughters?”

“I just thought that they would be in your care.  Se Yeon is still tiny and can get herself into all kinds of trouble.”

“I know.  I made Bo A promise to keep a close eye on her.  All three of the girls went into her bedroom.  And they shut the door firmly.”

“So…they’re alone in there?  You’re sure?”

“Alone?”  Another valley popped up alongside its mate.  “Who else would be with them?”  Jung Sook eyed her friend strangely before attempting to reassure her.  “It’s fine.  Bo A won’t let anything happen to her.  She’s quite responsible, I can assure you.”

Sam Sook bobbed her head.  “All right.  Still, I should take them home.”

“Sam Sook?”

“Hmm.”  She stopped on her way towards the door.

“What happened with Yeo Wool?”

“Jung Sook, I don’t know what you think you witnessed, but the last thing that man needs is an old woman and her two daughters.”

“An old woman!?” Jung Sook suddenly tittered.  “You are absurd!  You are but a few years older than I.  And even fewer years older than Yeo Wool.”

“Yes, but the fact is just that.  I am older than Yeo Wool.  And I know from experience that men prefer younger girls.”

“Oh, Sam Sook!  That is just not true!  Not always.”  Jung Sook giggled again.

The young mother turned back towards her.  “Why are you laughing?  What is so funny?”

“Boy, did you pick the right woman to have this conversation with!”  More snickers.  “Are you aware that before Soo Ho married me, he was a bit of a flirt?”

Sam Sook shook her head as her eyes widened.  “He was?”

“Mm-hmm.  He did, in fact, kiss several of my students before I met him.”

“What?” Sam Sook’s jaw dropped open.

“But the thing that the boys still tease him the most about was…”

“What?” Sam Sook was truly curious now.

Jung Sook’s lips spread into a wide grin as she clearly relished the piece of information that she was about to share with her friend.  “He had a crush on the queen dowager!”

“What?!”  Sam Sook was clearly astounded now.

“Of course,” the teacher’s face fell a bit, “it turned out quite tragically when she died.  But the point, my dear, is that if Soo Ho could adore a woman who was clearly old enough to be his mother, then Yeo Wool can love a woman three years older than he.”

Sam Sook shook her head.  “I cannot be the right woman for him.  I need a mature man – if I ever decide to marry again.  And I’m not sure I will.”

“Poppycock!” Jung Sook burst out.

Startled, Sam Sook glanced up at her.  “What?”

“You are acting absurd right now.  If you had said that you weren’t sure that you knew him well enough to have those kinds of feelings for him yet, I could have bought that excuse.  But…not this one!  You may be an independent woman, but you will most certainly marry again.  You enjoyed a comfortable marriage with a good man.  And were blessed with two beautiful daughters.  You are still extremely young.  I cannot believe that you will never wish to pursue a good relationship with another man again.

“And,” she continued, “Yeo Wool is one of the most mature men I know.  Regardless of his youth.  Which isn’t that much younger than your own!  Besides, the man clearly adores you.  He’s probably adored you forever.”

“Now who’s being absurd!” Sam Sook’s eyes widened in disbelief.  “The boy was eight years old the last time I saw him!”

“You mean, of course, before you moved back here.  But do you not think that an eight-year-old boy can adore an older girl?”

Sam Sook shrugged.

“I think he can.  And I think he did.  And I also think that when he met you again, he was quite taken with you.  By the way…”

“What?” Her friend was beginning to feel like a parrot which knew only one phrase.

“He clearly adores your girls too.”

And that was the last straw….

Sam Sook sighed.  “I really must go.”

“Sure, sure.  Flee from your friend when she speaks the truth to you.”  But Jung Sook’s brow was furrowing again as she studied the other girl.  “Just what exactly are you afraid of?”

Sam Sook’s eyes met hers.  “So many things, my friend.  So many things.”

 

 

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