As Dan Se held Mi Sook in his arms, lying next to her in their bed, he bent to breathe in the intoxicating fragrance clinging to her hair. The strong perfume of lilacs stirred another memory.
It had been another spring. Not the first one. Not the one that had introduced Mi Sook into his life. It had been three years later. When she had begun to blossom into a woman.
A young woman of fourteen years, Mi Sook had again entered his grandfather’s garden in the vernal season. To chase Han Sung through the cherry blossom orchard. As a blanket of white petals fell to litter the ground with their glorious grace. Several weeks later, after those fragrant blooms had withered and died, she had come to visit them again.
Yet again, Dan Se had discovered her waiting, alone, in that garden. Underneath the lilac tree. The lavender blooms had surrounded her head. Filling it with their delightful fragrance. Their perfume was so prolific that it had found him across the patio as he stopped to stare at the beauty standing beneath the shade of that blooming tree. And to still his now pounding heart.
He had reminded himself for the hundredth time that she would never belong to him. That she was promised to his baby brother. That Han Sung had won it all. Their grandfather’s favor. A future as a powerful lord. A life free from physical punishment. And a dream girl. Who must smell like the purple flowers embracing her now.
But he had still found it all so hard to swallow. That Han Sung would possess the one thing his soul craved. An intimate relationship with that stunning girl. And, of course, his brother had been impervious to her charms. But Dan Se had never been blind to them. He had, in fact, indulged in more fantasies than he could count. All of which revolved around the lovely Mi Sook.
Now, as he lay in their bed, cradling her close to his heart, he fought off a wave of guilt. That he had lived. And Han Sung had died. And that Dan Se was now enjoying the very woman who had once been destined to be his brother’s wife.
Dan Se had never gained his grandfather’s favor. He would never be a great lord. He had borne the brunt of more beatings than he could count. But…he had gained his heart’s desire. Whether or not he deserved her.
And the only way to honor Han Sung now was to take impeccable care of Mi Sook. And perhaps…to name his son after the young dreamer. The boy with the easy smile. The lad who had chased butterflies. And looked for the end of rainbows. And stood in the rain as he shouted happily up at the sky and peered through his eyelashes in his attempts to watch the raindrops descend. Wishing to capture them on the tip of his tongue. That boy who had always baffled Dan Se. For Han Sung’s laughter had been so free. Unrestrained by the old man breathing down their necks.
That was the main reason that Dan Se had been so jealous of his younger brother. The boy’s amazing ability to laugh. That…and…his connection to Mi Sook.
But…life was funny. In the end, Dan Se had won Mi Sook’s heart. And he knew that the relationship that he reveled in with his wife was of a much deeper quality than her friendship with his little brother had been. Mi Sook had never looked at Han Sung the way that Dan Se had caught her glancing at him from time to time. He had never seen her eyes glow for Han Sung the way they shone for him.
He recalled how they had been glowing when he had stepped into the room last night. Just a few hours ago. Mi Sook had clearly been ecstatic to see him. Even as she had anticipated unveiling her secret before him.
He frowned.
He hadn’t been completely honest with her. He was still uneasy about having a child. He couldn’t ensure that he would survive long enough to raise any baby that he fathered. He was thoroughly committed to Jin Heung.
For Dan Se, it was a matter of honor. He sought to atone for the sins of his past. And for his grandfather’s hideous machinations as the desperate man had attempted to maneuver himself into a position blessed by Minister Park’s favor. Which had, of course, required of him that he oppose the true king. And seek his destruction.
Instead, Lord Seok had destroyed his own heir. His beloved grandson. A boy who had lacked the stomach for such political intrigue. Han Sung had possessed far too much heart to live cold-bloodedly.
He hadn’t even been suited to a normal life. The lad had always been lost in his imagination…forever building feather castles in the sky.
Dan Se wondered what he was doing now. Had his brother reached the Heaven for which he had so obviously been created? Did he now bask in the embrace of a loving Father? One completely opposite of his earthly grandfather?
Dan Se hoped so.
His heart continued to fail him whenever he recalled his grandfather’s punishing palm. Contacting his tender flesh. And bruising his soft skin. In his mind’s eye, he could still see his baby brother cowering before that pitiful man’s bullying tactics. Using Dan Se against Han Sung. Beating the elder brother to compel the younger to change.
Lord Seok had been pathetic through and through. Dan Se still cringed every time he recollected his grandfather running to make himself a footstool for the cruel Minister Park. That powerful tyrant. A man who had never embraced beauty or kindness of any sort. But had sought instead to manipulate others to make himself stronger.
Dan Se prayed that he was never at the mercy of such a ruthless taskmaster ever again. He was thankful, at least, that Han Sung was no longer vulnerable to such corrupt men. The beautiful boy had flown free from all the cares of this life. He was concerned only with the eternal now.
Dan Se drew a deep breath. In an attempt to dislodge his heavy thoughts. They were burdening his breathing.
“Dan Se?” queried his wife softly. “What’s wrong?”
He could feel her stirring next to him. He could tell that she had lifted her head from his chest and was now gazing up at him. He smiled at her in the dark.
“I am just…thinking of my brother.”
“Oh,” she whispered. A little forlornly.
“Mi Sook?”
“Hmm?”
“If we have a son, I’d like to name him Han Sung.”
Her heart broke a little at those words. For two different reasons.
First of all, she also missed that carefree boy of her youth. The one with whom she’d chased butterflies through beautiful gardens. And lifted her voice in silly songs that had always seemed to unburden her. Just as Han Sung’s smile had always done.
But secondly, she had been playing around with the idea of naming her son after her own brother. That beautiful, little boy who had fallen asleep one day while in her care. Yet had never woken up.
She wondered if he was playing with Han Sung in Heaven now. Chasing blue butterflies around a lavish garden. Perhaps riding a rainbow to its lovely end. Han Sung had always wanted to do that.
“Mi Sook?”
“What? Oh. Yes, Dan Se, we can name him Han Sung. Whatever makes you happy, darling.”
She snuggled against him. Resting the curve of her cheek over the beat of his heart. She closed her eyes. And tried to hold back the tears that were now threatening. And she wondered if the pain of loss ever left a person.
