Things were getting more heated between Yeo Wool and Sam Sook. Quickly. Far more quickly than she had anticipated. Now that she was sleeping in a bed with him each night, her comfort level with him was increasing. And his kisses were making her desire more from him. It shocked her. It really did. She’d known that she was attracted to him. But she hadn’t anticipated how quickly the spark of his own desire for her would light hers for him.
A mere four days after their wedding, she found herself standing in his bedchamber. His arms were securely locked around her. And his mouth was devouring hers. And she was enjoying it.
But she was tired, and she wanted to lie down. So she took a step back towards the bed that was directly behind her. However, she lost her balance and ended up carrying his weight with her towards the mattress. Yeo Wool instantly flattened her into the bed. His strong body pressing her down into its mattress.
As she fell back against the bed, and his heavy weight temporarily smashed her into its surface, a horrid moment flashed before her mind’s eye. A memory from the night that she was raped bubbled up. Choking her. She was suddenly there again. Smothered by the weight of an unfamiliar body trapping her beneath it.
Why did that thought have to intrude now? That awful man had shoved her down on the couch. Before he’d hurt her. Threatening her at the point of a knife. The worst part had been her terror over Se Ri. Her fear that he would seek out her daughter if she didn’t obey his every whim.
Yeo Wool felt her tense. Immediately. Sam Sook’s whole body, which had been languid a moment before, went instantly rigid beneath his crushing weight. He scrambled backward. Practically leaping off of her.
“I’m sorry!” he gasped. “Are you okay?”
But his eyes were riveted to her face. And it was very clear to him that she was not all right. Not at all. He had hurt her. Or scared her. Or something.
She was staring blindly up at the ceiling as a horrid ripple of anguish flitted from the top of her countenance to its bottom. First, her brow furrowed deeply. Then her lips twisted in terror. Wrinkling her nose. But not in a cute way. The sight of it made his stomach clench. Finally, her chin wobbled. And for just an instant, Sam Sook appeared to be no older than the elder of her two daughters.
Yeo Wool felt his heart contract violently. “My love! What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He bent over her solicitously then as his knee came to depress the mattress to her left.
She snapped out of her ugly reverie then. And her eyes careened into his. “Echoes. Just echoes.”
She shook her head as though to dispel those devastating memories. Then she pinned a forced smile on her lips. “Where were we?”
But he heard the quaver in her voice. “No, Sam Sook. You don’t have to reach for me. Not unless you really want to. Please…can you tell me what you just remembered?”
Her eyes filled with anguish then as she stared at him. “He pinned me down on that couch as he held the knife to my throat. That’s when he threatened me. One of the things I remember most was how heavy he was. He had me completely trapped. Knife or no knife.”
She was trembling now. And Yeo Wool ached to reach for her. But an idea floated across his mind as he listened to her describe how powerless she’d been. So instead of trying to draw her into his arms, he crawled across the bed and lay flat on his back, the top of his head towards the wall.
Confused, Sam Sook sat up and turned to look at him.
“I want to hold you,” he breathed. “I want to comfort you. I do not want to scare you.” He winced. “I want to use my superior strength to protect you. Not to harm you.”
Her expression melted. “I know you do. It’s all right, Yeo Wool. It was my fault. I stumbled. I pulled you down on top of me.”
He shook his head. “I want you to always feel safe in this bed with me. So I’m going to lie here. And if you want my arms around you, then you’re going to have to come to me.”
As she gazed down at him, she realized what he was intimating. She would be the one flattening him if she approached him now. Her movement would be free. Unencumbered by his heaviness. If anyone were going to be pressed into the mattress, that someone would be Yeo Wool.
She felt a tiny sob trying to bubble up from the depths of her heart. And she thought of all the days of her life that she had spent numb. Her mind bent on blocking out the pain of her past. Or the trauma that she’d been currently experiencing. Only now, as Yeo Wool responded to that agony, could she see it clearly.
She hadn’t reveled in her intimacy with Se Ho because she’d still been carrying all those gross feelings that she’d experienced in her first sexual encounters. With Moon Won’s father. His abuse of her had stolen the beauty from an act which should have brought indescribable loveliness into her relationship with her husband. But the chill of her childhood had still been freezing out her soul. Even then.
And now, she had an even more violent memory from which to draw. A purely selfish, wicked man forcing her to have sex with him at the tip of a sharp blade. While she feared that her daughter would be his next victim. The only way that she had survived all those stultifying moments had been to construct a thick wall around them. And to coat her heart in a fat layer of numbness.
But that loss of sensation prevented her from feeling and enjoying the good stuff too. And Se Ho, even in all his gentleness, hadn’t been able to pierce the armor protecting her heart. But somehow, Yeo Wool had managed to prick a hole through it, and the pain that was engulfing her now was intense. But she realized that it was a cleansing cut. Like that of a surgeon removing a cancer from his patient. The slice of the blade caused a distinct discomfort, but the skilled hands that directed the knife were the same ones that reached in to remove the source of an even more dastardly agony.
Yeo Wool had found a way to make her feel secure in this bed with him. Even as the ugly echoes reverberated in her soul. So she inched towards him and leaned down to hover over him. She had no wish to hurt him.
A puff of air left his nose as he grinned up at her. “You can come closer, Sam Sook. I’m strong. You’re not going to hurt me. Not even if you put all of your weight on top of me.” With those words, his arms snaked loosely around her, and he tugged gently on her, drawing her towards him.
But she didn’t lose her balance. “You want me to lie on top of you?” she asked, surprised.
His grin only broadened. “Very much so.”
She chuckled suddenly at the mischievous light in his eyes. Right before she climbed on top of him, the length of her body pressing his into the bed. She glanced up into his face then and was again shocked to discover the pleasure rolling over his face. He settled his arms more comfortably about her back then. And lifted his lips towards her face. But he didn’t move any closer to her.
Her gaze shifted to his mouth. It was only a few inches from hers. She could feel his desire for her surrounding her. But he wasn’t demanding anything from her. Simply offering his love like a beautiful sacrifice. Hers for the taking. If she wanted it.
And as she stared at a mouth that had only ever coaxed joy from her – and released his tenderness into her – she found that she did want his love. Very much so. More than anything in life, really.
As her face hovered over his, a single tear escaped her eye to plunge downward. She watched as it splashed against his cheek. And the sight of it broke something in her. And another sob bubbled up. This time to the surface. It escaped her mouth as a tiny cry. Like that of a newborn infant longing for her mother’s milk. For something to sustain her little body and bring comfort to her belly.
Sam Sook suddenly longed for Yeo Wool to bring comfort to her own belly. Another sharp vision invaded her consciousness as she gazed down at that minuscule pool of salty water now marking his skin. An adorable, little boy with Yeo Wool’s eyes appeared before her. Grinning up at her. With his appa’s smile.
She felt her heart convulse, and her mouth descended to find her husband’s. In a kiss that was both blissful and cleansing.
For Sam Sook was unbound now. No longer fettered by fear.
They progressed beyond kisses that night. Yeo Wool had put the power over their encounter in her own hands. And she felt oddly elated now as she bent over him, her body pressed against his. For she knew that, at any moment, she could roll away from him, and he would not pursue her.
So she allowed her lips to trail off course, veering from his mouth onto the skin of his cheek. She tasted the salt of her own grief then momentarily as her lips traversed a path to his ear. She had never played with a man’s ear before, but she suddenly wanted to smother it in kisses for some reason. A moment later, she boldly gave in to that odd impulse.
Then another idea popped into her head. And her lips followed it. All the way down his throat. He only bucked at the end. When she reached a particularly sensitive spot. But even then, his hands remained still on her back. But a chuckle did burst from his lips.
“Sam Sook, that tickles!” he gasped.
“In a good way?” she ventured.
“Not…really,” he admitted reluctantly.
“Oh.” She frowned. Now a little upset that she’d caused him some discomfort. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes clung to her face, but her gaze was averted. She was hiding from him now.
“Sam Sook, I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me. It just felt weird. I feel particularly vulnerable when something touches me there.”
If there was anything that she understood, it was that sensation. Vulnerability.
“But I enjoyed everything else,” he murmured provocatively.
Her gaze collided with his. “You did?” she queried in surprise.
“Very much.” He closed his eyes and settled his head back against his pillow. “You may proceed,” he informed her as he bared his throat to her again.
This time what bubbled up was a giggle. And his eyes flew open as it escaped her lips. Then his lips spread into a wide smile.
“You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you?” he quizzed her.
She nodded.
“Was it like this with Se Ho?” he asked. He had no knowledge of women. Nothing beyond her.
A frown troubled her lips then. And she shook her head. “Kissing Se Ho was like kissing my father.”
That sounded terribly gross. It hadn’t been. It had just been bland. Whereas kissing Yeo Wool was full of delicious spice.
She watched as Yeo Wool grimaced. “Kissing your father. Dear God! I hope you never say such a thing about kissing me!”
A smile stretched slowly across her face, bringing sunlight with it. “I could never say such a thing about your kisses, Yeo Wool.” Then she bent and whispered into his ear, “Your kisses set me on fire.”
His hands did spasm then. And he had to rein in a very strong impulse.
She felt the action of those hands against her back. “Am I testing you now, Yeo Wool?” she questioned him.
“Very much,” he gritted his teeth.
She was testing him. Especially since the length of her was pressed against him, and she kept wiggling a little bit.
She frowned. “Should I stop? Are you about to lose control?”
Instantly, his agitation fled as he gazed up into her worried eyes. “No, my love,” he breathed, “I am not anywhere close to losing control. You needn’t fear that from me. Not ever. I would leave this bed before I’d hurt you.”
Those were all the words that she needed. She bent to kiss his lips again. And this time, their kiss turned wild. And she invited him to pursue her.
“Touch me,” she whispered.
He drew his mouth away from hers by turning his head slightly to the right as he opened his eyes to gaze up at her. “You want me to touch you?” he breathed in astonishment.
Her chin bobbed up and down. Her lips bent to brush his again as she spoke in a bare breath, “Yes.”
“Where?”
Sam Sook reached behind her and captured his hand in her own. And then she directed his pleasant fingers to the exact spot that was now aching for his touch. They spent a blissful hour discovering each other. Before drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms.
