“Did it hurt?” Julieta whispered.
Tia nodded into her shoulder. “Very much. But the worst part was that I knew I couldn’t go back. What was done was done. And in that moment, I realized why I wished I’d waited until I was married. I didn’t feel safe, Juju. I’d given him the most precious gift I had. And what did I get in return? Nothing but pain and heartache. But if I’d waited for Tae, or whoever loved me enough to take care of me for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t have been awful. It would have been beautiful.”
She leaned into her sister, and they just held each other for a long time.
“It was messy, Juju. It’s not like TV portrays, not at all. It didn’t feel amazing. I think, even if I had loved him, it still wouldn’t have been good. It wasn’t right, and I could tell. For me, I need to feel safe to enjoy that level of intimacy with someone. I wanted a heart connection, not just some physical touch. I need someone who will protect my heart and care for my feelings. If, if it were Tae, if we were safely married, I think it could be wonderful.” She started to cry again.
“It’s all right, Titi. I really believe it’s going to be ok. But you’ll have to tell Tae first.”
Tia shuddered. She didn’t want to do that.
How could she be that vulnerable? Even with Tae.
—
Tae wandered towards home, kicking a pebble the whole way. His heart was breaking. He’d finally kissed Tia, and she’d run away from him. From the heights of ecstasy to the pit of despair in ten seconds flat!
He still remembered the joy he’d felt as her soft lips had embraced his. Kissing Tia had been everything he’d always dreamed it would be. He loved her so much. He just wanted her to know it. To realize how special she was to him. Nothing could change that. Could it?
Was he being naive? He didn’t really know her. So why did he feel like he loved her so much already? And what was this dark secret she’d kept hidden from him?
His thoughts circled around his mind for several minutes. He was so absorbed by them that fifteen minutes passed before he realized that Yeontan wasn’t with him.
—
Julieta and Tia were still hugging.
“I’m glad today happened,” Tia offered after a little while.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve missed you. I feel like I got my sister back today after ten long years of us each freezing alone, separated by the cold.”
Julieta smiled at her through her tears. “Oh, Tia!” But she was distracted from saying anything else by something wet wiping itself across her toe. “What?” She glanced down, then she jumped back with a yelp, releasing Tia.
Tia, startled by her sister’s sudden movement and sound, followed Julieta’s line of sight. “Yeontan! Oh, no! Tae forgot you!” Her eyes widened in shock. “Wow! He must have been truly distressed!”
Tae had forgotten Yeontan! How was that even possible? He doted on that little dog! Had she upset him that much? She felt her heart tumbling around in her chest. She didn’t want to hurt him. Not at all. Not even the little bit she’d done today. Was her secret hurting him even worse than the truth would?
