This story is dedicated to you if you have ever been abused by someone bigger, stronger, and seemingly more powerful than you. You are not alone. You are infinitely precious. And the trauma you endured is not your fault. Know that you are so loved. And whatever trauma you have been through – it does NOT define you. You are a beautiful rose, a lovely lily, a most precious gem.
Rated M for Mature. This story deals with some difficult topics and involves some graphic situations.
“What?” she feigned incomprehension.
It was a bad choice. Because in the next instant, Yoongi released her to stride forward, and she felt suddenly adrift without his hands anchoring her to him. She didn’t even want to watch him pick it up. She felt suddenly sick to her stomach.
She ran for the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and emptied the contents of her stomach – all that lovely dinner Yoongi had bought her – into the toilet. She flushed the toilet. She rinsed her mouth out then brushed her teeth. She washed her hands. Then she splashed cold water on her face. Finally, she stared at her reflection as tears began to stream down her face.
She wasn’t suffering from any symptoms yet. But then again, she wouldn’t be. It was too early. It was too early to take the test too. But she was terrified of the results. She’d managed to push the fear away while she’d been with Yoongi at dinner. She’d been able to breathe for a little while. But now the next great dread was squeezing the air from her lungs once more.
The tiny rap of Yoongi’s knuckles sounded against the bathroom door. He sincerely hoped that her quick exit to the bathroom wasn’t a sign that this test was needed. He stared down at it in his hand. And his heart sank again. “Stasia? Are you all right?”
He’d heard her throw up. Then the toilet had flushed. He’d waited for a little while. But she hadn’t emerged. Was she really sick? Was she lying unconscious on the bathroom floor?
The door opened. She stood there, staring up at him while tears flowed down her cheeks. That’s when he first understood the other fear she’d been battling. The one she hadn’t written to him about.
“But I thought you hadn’t slept with him?” It was a question.
She sobbed suddenly. “I hadn’t. Not when I wrote you that letter. But two nights ago…” her voice trailed off as she looked away from him.
He’d want nothing to do with her now. He wouldn’t want to kiss a girl who had been too weak to resist a man she abhorred. If only…if only she had asked Yoongi for help when she’d first met him in that Starbucks. Instead, offended by his sarcasm, she had run away from him. She’d run into her worst nightmare.
Yoongi was through the doorway in an instant pulling her up against him. He’d come too late. It had taken him too long to find her. That horrid man had raped her only days before Yoongi had discovered her. And now she was terrified that she was pregnant with his child. No! He’d raped her the very day Yoongi had first met her. Before he’d known her identity. No! He felt a great sorrow rising in his heart. If he just hadn’t scared her away with his sarcastic comment. If only…
Yoongi hugged her close to his heart. He tossed the pregnancy test in the sink. “I’m so sorry, Stasia,” he sobbed into her hair. “I’m so sorry that it took me so long to find you. I’m so sorry I pushed you away with my words the other day. I failed you.”
“No!” She pulled away from him enough to look him in the eye. “You didn’t fail me! I didn’t even tell you where I was! Or who I was! You saved me, Yoongi! I — I’m the one who failed.” She began to sob against his heart.
“He forced you, didn’t he?”
She flinched as she remembered the rough hands that had shoved her up against the wall. The slapping hand that had connected with her cheek. The sting of tears that it had released. She’d made the mistake of going to his apartment. Though, now, that was the one mercy. She hadn’t had her virginity forcefully ripped from her here. In her own bed. She hadn’t had to deal with the blood. She’d have no memories here in her own bed to deal with.
A great, wracking sob escaped her lungs. She hadn’t told anyone. No one. Not even the police. Though, she had figured tomorrow when she went in to be interviewed by the female officer, she would have to tell her.
Yoongi’s arms tightened around her. But they weren’t threatening. Not like Eun’s would have been. She felt Yoongi’s warm breath sliding across her scalp as he buried his face in her hair.
“I’m so sorry, Stasia. I’m so sorry.”
He was weeping into her hair now. Great, iridescent teardrops flowing down his cheeks. He was kicking himself. Wracking every brain cell. Trying to figure out if he’d missed some clue she’d left in the first two letters. Something that would have revealed her whereabouts to him sooner. But he just couldn’t find it.
