This story is dedicated to you if you have ever been abused by someone bigger, stronger, and seemingly more powerful than you. You are not alone. You are infinitely precious. And the trauma you endured is not your fault. Know that you are so loved. And whatever trauma you have been through – it does NOT define you. You are a beautiful rose, a lovely lily, a most precious gem.
Rated M for Mature. This story deals with some difficult topics and involves some graphic situations.
They talked of funny things at dinner. The boys did their best to put Stasia at ease in their presence. Jungkook and Jin even made her laugh a few times. Yoongi smiled gratefully at them; though they, of course, had no idea why. As dinner was drawing to a close, Julieta and Tia invited Stasia to join them in the living room while the guys cleaned the kitchen together.
Stasia was feeling nervous again. Yoongi would tell them all her story, and they would look at her differently from that moment forward. She felt sorrow invading her heart. She had finally met them all. And she’d found a place of peace with them over dinner. But it was about to be shattered. How could they not look at her differently after they knew?
She bowed her head and shuffled out to the living room. She sighed. What did it matter? It wasn’t like she had been about to become part of their inner circle. She wasn’t like them. She didn’t belong here any more than she belonged in Korea with her blue and green eyes and her platinum hair. She was a teacher. Not a musician. She couldn’t have danced to save her life. She was too embarrassed to sing in front of anyone. All her creative energy went into writing and teaching. She might have felt like she’d just made eight friends, but the truth was they didn’t know her. At all. They knew nothing of her character or her struggles. Nothing of her fears. Or her giftings. But pretty soon, they would know about the rape.
She began to sweat bullets. She could feel her armpits getting slick. She could smell her fear leaching out into the fabric of her shirt. She wanted to cry. Or scream. She didn’t want to be defined by one event. She didn’t want them to judge her through the lens of her experience. Tears filled her eyes.
“Everything is going to be all right, Stasia.” It was Julieta’s quiet voice.
“Yes. If there is one thing I can tell you with absolute faith, it’s that you just made six friends tonight, and those men will all have your back. No matter what comes. So will we,” Tia looked at her sister then back to Stasia. “Tae could have deserted me when he learned the truth about me. But he fought for me instead.”
“Yes, and Jin wasn’t deterred by the extremely scary people threatening me and Tia,” Julieta added cryptically.
Bewildered, Stasia stared at them both. “What are you talking about?” Did they know she’d been raped?
Julieta glanced at Tia, then a spasm crossed her face. “Yoongi called me earlier today and told me what you’ve been walking through this week.” She reached out her hand and touched Stasia lightly on the back of her hand. “I am so sorry that you went through that. I want to be here for you any time you need a girl to talk to. You can call me night or day. You,” she glanced at Tia, “you could even come stay with us if you’d like. I wouldn’t want to be alone if I had suffered the trauma you’ve been through.”
Tia nodded. “We can put a yo bed in my room if you want to come stay with us. Or there’s room for another twin bed if you have one.”
The tears that had filled her eyes a moment before were joined by reinforcements, and they all plunged to their sudden deaths as she blinked. She was overwhelmed by this outpouring of support after several scary months of facing her fears alone.
She sat there and wept silently as Julieta held her hand. Tia sat down next to her on the couch and wrapped her arm around Stasia’s shoulder, drawing her close until her head rested against her.
“You will never walk alone again, Stasia. We are all here for you now.” Tia’s whispered words sailed straight into her tender heart and wrapped around her like a comforting blanket on a chilly night. Their concern was pushing the cold draught further and further away. Cleansing tears poured down her cheeks as she faced a new truth. She was no longer alone. She had friends. Friends who were willing to jump into the breach with her.
—
Meanwhile, Yoongi had pulled himself up onto the kitchen table. His legs were swinging down in the space between the table legs. He cleared his throat. The other six had surrounded him. They were all standing before him expectantly.
“Yoongies, what’s up?” Namjoon finally asked when Yoongi continued to remain quiet.
“It’s Stasia. She went through a trauma this past week.”
A cold dread clutched Jungkook’s heart suddenly. Tae felt it too, and their eyes connected.
“What trauma?” Tae asked, his eyes meeting Yoongi’s.
“Her boyfriend raped her.”
The eyes of the six slid around the room as they all made contact with each other.
Namjoon was very perceptive. “What do you need from us?”
Yoongi cleared his throat again. “It’s too much to ask.”
Jungkook faced him. “Ask it.”
Yoongi met his eyes. “I promised her that I would walk through the next few months with her. I took her to the doctor and the police station today. I sat with her as she gave her testimony to the policewoman and the attorney.” He met the eyes of every man in the room. “It’s horrifying. What she went through.”
“She’s the one you wrote the song for. On your VLIVE.” Jungkook was a quick study.
Yoongi nodded.
“You encouraged her to find you,” Jungkook continued, “and she did.”
“Actually, I found her.”
“What do you mean?” Jimin asked, his face serious.
“I ran into her at Starbucks three days ago. We talked for a few moments, and she told me her name was Stasia. Then I said something that hurt her, and she fled. Right back to him,” he uttered bitterly. “He raped her a few hours later.” Yoongi closed his eyes, and a tear slid down his cheek.
“Hey, hey, you couldn’t have known,” Hobi inserted.
“It’s not good enough!” Yoongi yelled. “I should have helped her! But instead, my sarcastic sense of humor scared her away. It reminded her of him.” He swallowed that bitter pill. It still made him gag. Would he ever stop blaming himself for her pain?
“Yoongi, you didn’t know then that she was the woman writing to you, did you?” Jungkook asked quietly.
Yoongi shook his head. “I didn’t get her signed letter till the next day. She signed her name Anastasia. When I ran into her again at the coffee shop, I realized that the names were one and the same.”
“Then stop blaming yourself,” Jungkook admonished him gently. “You had no way of knowing who she was or what her problem was. She, on the other hand, knew who you were. If she had really wanted your help, she could have said something that morning.”
“Why didn’t she?!” Yoongi cried out suddenly. It was the truth that had been breaking his heart for two days now.
“Because I was scared.”
Everyone turned around to see Stasia standing framed in the doorway between the kitchen and their living quarters. Her face a study in fragility, she stepped forward.
“Yoongi, this isn’t your fault. Not in any way, shape, or form. It’s mine. I was terrified of my boyfriend. And I was scared of most men because he had taught me that the most affable and charming of men could lie. Could disguise themselves as something wonderful when they were really hiding a monster beneath their sweet smiles and their kind words. I was even leery of you. Not because you deserved my low opinion of you. But because I had been caught in his web for months, and none came to rescue me. The few times his friends saw him grab me, or slap me, or shove me into a wall, they did nothing to stop him. I began to believe that all men were like them.”
“It was not your fault, Stasia. You were terrified. He was bigger than you. Stronger. He threatened you with physical violence,” Yoongi argued.
“Yes!” she cried out, tears streaming down her cheeks. “But what physical violence is worse than rape?”
“Much,” Yoongi whispered, recalling his friend found by a dumpster. “You might have died if you had resisted him. Who knows what would have happened if you had pushed such a violent man? He might have beaten you until you were unrecognizable and then violated you anyway. He might have pulled out a knife and…” His voice trailed off.
She got the picture. She remembered the sting of Eun’s hand against her cheek all too well. And the night he’d held a blade to her throat. She swallowed.
“It wasn’t your fault, Stasia,” Namjoon met her eyes. Then he turned his head to look at his oldest friend in the group, his first bunk buddy, “And it wasn’t your fault, Yoongi. Let’s put the blame squarely on the shoulders of the man who is completely responsible: Stasia’s ex-boyfriend.”
“Yes,” Hobi murmured, echoing Namjoon’s sentiment, “Stasia, what happened to you was not your fault. And we are all so sorry you went through it.”
“But you’re not alone anymore,” Jungkook asserted, smiling sadly at her.
Tae nodded. “It’s not any more your fault than if someone sideswiped the car you were driving. We wouldn’t blame you for a car accident that wasn’t of your making. And we would never blame you for this.”
His compassionate heart reaching out to her, Jin observed, “Men, knowing they are bigger and stronger than women, have often been cruel. It doesn’t make it right. And it doesn’t make it your fault. So both of you,” he looked at Yoongi and Stasia, “please stop blaming yourselves. That’s not getting you anywhere. Let’s work towards a resolution and to help Stasia move on and get her life back.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you all about,” Yoongi’s eyes traveled around the group. Then he held his hand out to Stasia.
Sheepishly, she crossed the room and placed her hand in his. She leaned against the table. He patted it with his other hand. “You can sit down next to me,” he smiled at her.
She let go of his hand momentarily to push herself up onto the tabletop. Then she reached for him again. This time, Yoongi laced their fingers together and pulled her hand up to his mouth. He brushed his lips across her knuckles in an action of such tremendous tenderness that she felt her legs growing weak. She was infinitely thankful that she was no longer standing.
Then he gazed at his friends. “I have made Stasia a promise. One that may test your love for me.” He paused as they all looked inquiringly at him. “I have promised her that I will walk through every day of this battle with her. Including being there for every trial day.” His eyes met Namjoon’s. “Even if they coincide with a concert date.”
Everyone inhaled sharply. Stasia couldn’t take it. They were talking about their livelihood. She pulled away from Yoongi and jumped off the table. “I can’t let you do that, Yoongi! You can’t disappoint BTS and ARMY!”
“I am only as good as my word. What kind of a role model for ARMY would I be if I deserted, in her hour of greatest need, a woman – an ARMY – who truly needed me?” His eyes wooed her.
She shook her head. “It’s too much, Yoongi. You’re talking about disappointing tens of thousands of people and your six best friends, your management team…so many people!”
He climbed down from the table. He reached for her hand. “I would disappoint them all for you.” He pulled her hand up to his lips again. This time they lingered on her skin. He couldn’t get that sweet woman from his past out of his head. He would never have the chance to save her from her gruesome fate. But life had handed him a chance to save someone else. He would move heaven and earth to help Stasia.
Namjoon, Hobi, Jin, Jimin, Tae, and Jungkook watched the little tableau unfolding before them with no little shock. They had never seen Yoongi be so fierce or so gentle before. He was clearly taken with this woman. But why? He’d known her for only three days. A few days more if they considered her letters. But he was completely serious. He was willing to blow off their concerts for her.
Their eyes sought out each other. They conversed in silence the way only friends of old acquaintance and deep intimacy could do. They all came to an agreement without speaking a word. Finally, Namjoon turned towards the couple, hands still interlocked, standing near them.
“We will support you. If your court dates coincide with any of our concert dates, we will postpone them. We will all be there in the courtroom with you. We will present a united front. We will show this man that he cannot ever hurt you again.”
Stasia’s eyes widened as she looked at, first, Namjoon then Tae, Jungkook, Jimin, Hobi, and Jin. They all, faces serious, nodded their support of her. Then, tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to look up at Yoongi, whose lips were still dancing on her skin.
“I – I don’t have words to thank you. I don’t understand. Why would you do this for me? You don’t even know me.”
“You mean a lot to Yoongi,” Jimin responded.
“And we wanted power and influence so that we could have a positive impact on our generation. What kind of heroes would we be if we turned our backs on a girl who needed our help just so we could make money and spend time with those we said we were fighting for? But we weren’t willing to actually sacrifice anything to truly fight for someone?” Namjoon pointed out.
“Then we would be hypocrites,” Hobi muttered.
“But we are not,” Tae asserted. “We’re going to help you. We’ll hope that the dates all work out, but if they don’t, we will figure it out. We’re not deserting you, Stasia.”
“I don’t understand,” she murmured over and over as tears poured down her cheeks. Yoongi finally released her hand and pulled her into his arms.
“I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you all,” she breathed.
“No,” Yoongi spoke fiercely, “you didn’t deserve what Eun did to you. You do deserve us. You deserve to have us fight for you. You are worth it, Stasia. You are precious.”
“You are not alone, Stasia. You have us all now. We seven,” Tae promised.
“We seven will stand behind you,” Jimin asserted.
