He swallowed hard and mentally practiced his speech. They began to walk to the park. He was silent the whole way. He was reciting his explanation in his head and finally found the nerve to speak when he made the mistake of glancing at her. Their eyes connected, and his courage fled. And his brothers thought he was so brave! If only they could see him now!
Her face melted into a compassionate smile. “Jungkook, it’s ok…”
Her mercy gave him boldness. “No, it’s not. I—” he paused as he blew a deep breath out between pursed lips and ran a hand through his long, curling, raven bangs.
She stopped walking. She followed her impulse. She turned to face him fully and reached up to run her own fingers through those recalcitrant bangs that had fallen right back into the same place once his hand had made its way through them.
Jungkook froze, his breath stealthily stolen by the glorious maiden whose fingers were entangled in his hair. He didn’t even bat an eyelash. He was afraid that if he blinked, he would crush her to him and never let her go. And her lips wouldn’t be safe from his embrace anymore either.
After a moment, she pulled her hand away as her eyes searched out his after she noted that his curly, black fringe had once again fallen across his eye.
“Doesn’t it drive you nuts?”
WHAT? Could she read his mind? He tore his eyes away from her lips and stared wide-eyed into her midnight orbs.
“Your hair falling into your eyes. Doesn’t it bother you?”
Oh. Phew. She couldn’t read his every thought after all.
He shrugged, his hair seeming a minor issue after the heart-stopping thoughts of the last thirty seconds. “Sometimes.” But they tell me it drives ARMY bananas. So I should grow it out.
He looked at her curiously. “You don’t like it?” If she didn’t like it, maybe he’d cut it.
“I LOVE it!” she purred. Why do you think I couldn’t keep my fingers out of it???
He peered at her out of wide eyes, then he narrowed them. Was she as attracted to him as he was to her? If so, he’d best be very careful. He smiled at her. What had he been about to say? Then his heart fell as he remembered.
Oh, yeah. I was trying to explain myself.
“Hyejin, I was afraid if you knew who I really was, you would…” only want to be with me because I was famous. Wow, that sounded horrible. Like he had no faith in her goodness.
He tried again. “As part of BTS, I have this reputation as the Golden Maknae. Everyone thinks I’m good at everything. And I’m very popular with girls around the world. They seem to think I’m attractive…” his voice trailed off again.
Of course, they do! Because you ARE!
“But the truth is that I wonder if a girl ever got close to me, and she wasn’t looking at my face or my hair or my abs, if she was left alone with the real me, the guy under all this,” he gestured toward his face and swept his hand downward, “If she wasn’t listening to my voice or watching me dance, if she had to sit in a room and talk to me for an hour about something unrelated to my job, would she really be interested in me?” He lifted sad eyes to her. He was being completely transparent with her. He felt so vulnerable. All those feelings he kept hidden were now bubbling to the surface. His doubts about his own significance were coming to the forefront again.
Hyejin looked into those dark eyes, and she could see that he was quaking on the inside. Her heart flipped over.
“Jungkook,” she began. Then she stopped. She swallowed. How could she put into words what she felt? “Every time I’m around you, I sense something about you. Not this,” she poked him on the arm. “But this,” she pressed her forefinger into his chest over his heart and held it there. “You have a very sweet heart.”
Her eyes met his, and said heart began to beat faster.
“You are kind. I know that because you were very upset when you thought you’d hurt me the other day. You are compassionate. When I cried, you cried too. You are sweet. My dog has tackled you more than once, but you’ve always been good to him. You believe in me. When I sang in front of you, you encouraged me and you loved what you termed my “gift.” You’ve made me feel special and wanted and loved. How on earth could you think I wouldn’t want you, Jungkook?”
She flattened her palm to rest her whole hand over his heart as she gazed into his chocolate eyes. “I want you, Jungkook. I believe I’ll always want you.” She sighed and broke their eye contact. “Even when I can’t have you.”
Puzzled, he furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, sooner or later you’ll be going back to the real world. I know you don’t have time for a girlfriend. You’re probably not even allowed to have a girlfriend. For years. And soon you’ll be flying around the world again to sing to scores of young ladies. And I’ll be sitting at home with a book in my lap. A book I can’t concentrate on long enough to actually read anymore because I’ll be thinking of you and how much I miss you and how wonderful life would have been if you had been a regular guy and could have stayed with me.”
Man, she was depressing herself! Tears were forming in her eyes. She pulled away from him as she stared at the ground. At that moment, a squirrel ran right in front of Twenty-two, and he went wild, barking and taking off after the furry, little tail. The leash pulled on her wrist, and she fell flat on her face at Jungkook’s feet. And pain arced through her wrist as Twenty-two met the end of the leash and it pulled tight. The dog was straining at it, trying to pull himself free. Hyejin was crying from the pain. Jungkook quickly assessed the situation and grabbed the leash, relieving the pressure from her wrist.
“22!” He snapped at the gigantic puppy. “Sit!”
Instantly, the dog sat down, looking forlornly after the fleeing squirrel.
Jungkook knelt next to Hyejin. “Are you ok?”
“I don’t know. I tripped over my own feet as Twenty-two lunged forward.” She sat up then twisted her body to stand up.
“Ow!” The pain escaped through her lips.
“What’s wrong?” Jungkook was worried now.
“My ankle hurts. Just a little bit. I think it’s ok. It’s not broken or anything.” She took a hesitant step forward, placing her foot gingerly in front of the other one and slowly bringing her weight down on it. She gritted her teeth and sucked in air.
“Hyejin?”
“It hurts.” She looked up at him, concern clearly written in her features. “I don’t think I can walk home. I think I need to wrap it. Maybe it’s twisted?”
Jungkook sighed. Like she wasn’t already having a hard enough time given all the feelings she’d just shared. Feelings that were totally valid and possibly completely correct. He really couldn’t have a girlfriend. It hadn’t bothered him before. But now…now it was awful.
“Come on,” he commanded as he turned his back on her.
“What?”
“Climb on. I’ll carry you home.”
“Jungkook…” There was a warning note to her voice.
“Don’t you ‘Jungkook’ me! I’m super strong. If you were part of ARMY, you would know that I’m famous for picking my brothers up and carrying them around. I can certainly handle a slender girl. Come on! Climb on my back.”
She did as she was told, wondering all the while what on earth ARMY was. Why would she be in the ARMY?
