“I see you.”
It was all she had written that first night. It was all he had to read this day to know she was the one. He couldn’t fathom it. He smiled as he thought about trying to explain it to the guys. Somehow, he knew Jungkook would understand. Had Kookie read those words, he would have responded the same way. Jungkook had always desired a girl who saw the real him. So had Namjoon. Real Me. She saw him.
As he turned to peer into her eyes, he knew by the look he found there that she had mined his heart from his lyrics. She had unearthed the treasure he had hidden there, and she had lovingly carried it in her own heart all these years. The first letter was dated January 9, 2016. Today was September 7, 2019.
Nearly four years. She’d been writing him letters for almost four years. Long enough to earn a college degree. Longer than he’d been in high school. More than half the time he’d been with BTS. She had been searching his lyrics to find his heart and then responding out of her own. Sharing her world with him just as surely as he had shared his with her. Only, she had done it so much more intimately. And what kind of courage did she possess that not only had she brought this personal diary with her to South Korea, but she had also turned it over to him? He felt humbled by her trust. She had placed her heart in his hands.
Holding her hand, he drew her out the door and away from the cafe. He led her towards the river. They walked along silently, their joined hands swinging between them. They were both still a little in awe of the other.
Namjoon had a sudden vision of himself holding the hand of a tiny boy, who was peering up at his great height from the ground and bouncing up and down while he cried out, “Appa, swing me!” The little boy’s other hand was clinging to Breeze’s hand, and he then turned towards her and yelled excitedly, “You too, Eomma. Swing me!” Then he yanked on both their hands and jumped forward expecting them to draw him higher into the air. Together, he and Breeze drew their tiny son high up before swinging him back down to the ground. They repeated this fun game several times until those wee shoes came to rest between their bigger ones, her red Converse and his white Vans. Namjoon smiled at his daydream.
Breeze glanced his way to find him smiling dreamily. She sighed. His dimples were trembling about his pink lips. She knew how those deep wells felt. Her heart was still quaking from the touch of his fingers against hers. Was this really happening? She didn’t even need to daydream. She was living her wildest fantasy right now. She was actually holding Namjoon’s hand! And walking beside a river with him. After they’d walked for a while, they came upon a bench. Namjoon turned towards her and spoke.
“Let’s sit down for a few minutes.”
They sat, and he set her backpack next to him on the bench. He had waited until she sat down before he sat. Right next to her. His thigh almost brushed hers. If she scooted over just the tiniest hairsbreadth, they’d be touching. She didn’t have the nerve.
Her eyes fell across the book in his lap. “Dear Joonie” stared back at her. At them both. He was looking at it too. Then she watched as his hand lovingly caressed the cover of her long love letter to him. Her heart stopped. He looked over into her eyes.
“Would you read me one?”
Ok. Good thing her heart had already stopped. Breathe, Breeze! Don’t panic!
He saw her response in her eyes.
“It’s ok. You don’t have to. I just really want you to. I want to hear the voice contained in those letters. How about this? How about I promise to close my eyes while you read to me?”
Then he inched closer to her, and the outside of their thighs touched. Intuitively, she knew exactly why he’d done that. He wanted contact with her, and if he had to close his eyes, then he wanted to touch her while her voice flowed around him. She’d let go of his hand when she’d sat down on the bench. Apparently, he regretted it too.
How could he feel the connection between them as strongly as she did? She’d known about him for almost four years. But he’d known her for fewer than forty minutes. Yet it was as though they’d always known each other. She was blown away by the fact that he seemed to feel it too. This moment had surpassed her wildest dreams. Cinnamon roll fiasco notwithstanding. Actually, that was the moment she knew for certain it was all real. She would never have written her own embarrassing almost-death in front of the love of her life. She glanced back up at his face. His eyes were closed. The book sat in his lap still, waiting for her to make the next move.
Why did she have a sudden impulse to kiss him on the cheek? And to whisper in that beloved ear. Her eyes traced its swirls and folds until they came to his earlobe. He was wearing his hoop today. She wanted to reach out and slide her finger into it and very gently draw him closer to her. Then she could…her eyes collided with his smooth cheek again, and temptation sounded in her ears once more. Kiss him.
She grabbed the book instead. She leafed through it. She knew the exact page she wanted to read him. She’d dreamed about reading this one aloud to him.
