Namjoon had spent every spare moment combing through the pages of her book. And he’d noticed a pattern almost immediately. He’d confirmed it by leafing through every page. She opened every letter the same way. “Dear Joonie,” followed by three words. It was always three words. They were different phrases almost every time. But still only three words.
“I see you.”
“Are you ok?”
“Be still, heart.”
“Rest, my friend.”
“Joonie, hug me.”
“I am sad.”
“You are loved.”
His eyes fell to the page he currently had open.
“Thank you, Joonie.”
“A boy broke my heart today. Worse, a friend shattered my soul today. The boy, the friend, one and the same. But never my boyfriend.
“I dream of you, Joonie, and what you would say to me if you were here. I know you’d hold me in your arms and comfort me. You’d tell me to forget him and love myself. You’d tell me that I’m worthwhile and valuable.”
She’d written this one about a year after the cruel boy had broken her heart. Apparently, she’d recovered enough to move on. She’d found someone else she thought was worth her time and attention. But that had proven disastrous too.
“But I’m not feeling it today. Because the boy I’ve loved for months now doesn’t see me. If he did, he’d love me, right? He must be blind. You’d probably tell me his eyes are veiled. That’s why he can’t see me. I hope it’s true. But I’m not sure I believe it. What if he does see me, but the me he sees just isn’t worth his time? What if I deserve less than he is? What if I’m really not good enough?”
Namjoon was fighting back tears as he read Breeze’s book. His heart was breaking. He could not believe how vulnerable she had made herself to him. Her trust overwhelmed him.
“You are precious.” They were his thoughts about her. They were also her opening lines on another page.
“Dear Joonie.
“You are precious. I know sometimes you don’t feel like that’s true. Sometimes you feel like you don’t deserve the whole world. But I know you do. I know you’re priceless. You are a treasure I have found hidden beneath the depths of a great ocean. You are a rare jewel, shining for all the world to see. I pray that as you fly higher into the euphoria that surrounds success, you stay firmly grounded in the truth that you are loved and lovable. And that all your fans are too.
“I’ll try to remember that about myself. I know you would tell me I’m precious too. Why is it so hard to see? Why is it so hard to believe? I know you would tell me I’m priceless too. Why is it so hard to feel? I know that you would tell me I’m a treasure too. Why is it so hard to hear? I know you would tell me that I’m a rare jewel also. Why is it so hard to bear?”
He was crying. Again. He was hiding in the bathroom, sitting on top of the lid to the toilet. Because he knew he’d cry if he read any more of this book, and he didn’t want his mother to see him crying. She’d want to know what was going on, and he wasn’t prepared to reveal Breeze’s heart to anyone else. Not even to his precious eomma. He could hardly bear knowing all this about Breeze himself.
She’d written him a book. She’d been following his career since 2016. She’d discovered him on her sixteenth birthday. That was the day she’d written her first letter to him. She’d heard his song, and it had so moved her heart, that her words had overflowed onto a piece of paper. Many, many pieces of paper. The truth still stole his breath.
She’d come home with him this morning. They’d walked to his mother’s in silence, his hand cradling hers. Her bag on his back, her book in his hand. Her heart in her mouth.
