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Chapter 5: The Fracture – June 10 – 11, 2019

“Eunji!  We’re home!”

Yoongi walked into the living room to find Eunji, Namjoon, and Jungju all asleep on the couch.  He frowned for a moment before heading to the kitchen.

Eunji stirred awake, looking at the clock once again.  It read six-thirteen.  She had slept for three hours.  Her eyes shifted upwards toward Namjoon, who was sound asleep and leaning his head on top of hers.  A wave of tenderness assaulted her, making her cast her gaze downward.  Where her eyes met the tousled head of her tiny nephew, still sound asleep on her fiancé’s lap.  How had they slept for so long?  When she last remembered glancing at the time, it hadn’t yet been three o’clock. 

“Oh, you’re awake?” Yoongi asked in a hushed tone as he entered the room carrying a carton of banana milk in his hand.

“You’re home already?” Eunji asked in an equally quiet voice.  “Where’s Nari?”

“She went out to dinner with some of the executives.  They had details to discuss, but I came home to check on Jungju.”

“What?” Eunji asked, confused.  “To check on Jungju?  But I didn’t even tell you he had a fever.”

“Namjoon texted me this morning on his way to pick up the medicine.”

Eunji felt irked.  “Why’d he do that?”  She lifted her head up, and Namjoon’s temple came to rest on her shoulder.

“Don’t get mad at him.  I was already texting him about something else.  He mentioned he was on his way to pick up some medicine for Jungju at your request.”

“I didn’t want to bug you guys,” Eunji responded defensively.  “He’s fine, Yoongi.  It’s just a little fever.  He’s pretty much slept all day.”

“That’s what concerns me.  He needs to drink something.  I don’t want him to get dehydrated.”  He bent to retrieve his son.  “Hey there, buddy,” Yoongi purred in his son’s ear as he scooped him up off of Namjoon’s lap and drew him up into his arms.  “Jungju, have some banana milk.”

The little boy was quite listless in his appa’s arms.  He opened his eyes blearily before drifting off to sleep again.  Yoongi touched his forehead. 

“He’s burning up.  I’m going to give him a bath to help him cool down.  He’s got to drink this.”  Yoongi carried his slumbering son towards the staircase.

Namjoon suddenly made an odd sound in his sleep and turned towards her.  The head that was resting on her shoulder slid closer to her as his arm came up around her and pulled her nearer to him.  He buried his face in her neck and murmured, “Eunji, you smell divine.”  Then a tiny snore erupted in her ear.

She flushed to the roots of her hair as she was suddenly swamped by a strong emotion that she hadn’t felt in nearly four long years. Echoes were shifting, threatening to overwhelm her.  The lid she’d firmly closed on a certain box was shaking, threatening to fall off and expose all her forbidden desires.  All the traitorous longings she’d locked up long ago.  And stored safely in the attic of her heart’s deepest secrets.

Eunji glanced down at the silky hair brushing her chin.  She refused to admit how attractive was the face hiding under that hair.  Tae was the one she loved.  He always had been. 

The box began to shake.  Calling her a liar. 

She sighed.  She was experiencing an internal war.  Again.

—

Eunji watched as Namjoon’s car pulled out of the driveway.  After the afternoon’s events, she had come to a decision.  She needed to tell Tae about her passionate love for him before it was too late.  She knew if she didn’t do it now, she’d soon be married to Namjoon and would regret her actions for the rest of her life.  She had to take her chances, even though they were unpromising.  Drawing a deep breath, she picked up her phone.

“It’s now or never,” she reminded herself.

—

Quite confused, Tae looked over at the girl sitting across from him. “Eunji, why did you ask me here?”

She had been staring at her steak for five solid minutes.  But she hadn’t yet touched it.  She glanced up at him.  She was still searching for the courage to speak her heart.

“I wanted to tell you something…I don’t know how to tell you, though.”

“Eunji, you can tell me anything.  I’ll understand you.  I’m your best friend, remember?”

She took a deep breath. 

All right.  Here goes nothing.

“I like you,” she admitted in a tiny voice.

Tae stopped functioning.  His glass rested, motionless, in his hand.  Shock laced his features. “You mean…”  He swallowed then murmured for clarification, “You’re in love with me?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Oh…”

He set his glass down and looked at her.  He saw the worry in her eyes, but he had also seen the way Namjoon looked at her.  And he loved his brother more than anyone else in the whole world.  They’d been through so much together…

“Eunji, you’re a wonderful girl.  It’s just…I think of you as my… sister.  I’m sorry…”

Eunji nodded slowly, tears welling in her eyes. “It’s all right.  You don’t have to like me back.”  She swallowed the lump that had instantly formed in her throat when he had equated her with his sister.  “I just wanted you to…”  She paused.  “Never mind.  I should go.”

Tae looked out the window.  “But it’s raining.  You’ll get sick.”

Eunji shook her head.  “I’ll be fine.”

She stood up and was about to walk out when Tae stopped her.

He pulled his blazer off the back of his chair and handed it to her. “Take it; it’ll keep you warm.”

She nodded and reached out to accept it from him. “Thanks, Tae…”

Her fingers brushed his, and he hissed.  She glanced sharply at him.  Quizzically.  She hadn’t felt anything.  Had she somehow hurt him?  He tore his hand away from hers.

“Be safe,” he murmured as he turned to gaze out the window.

She looked down at his coat in her hand and pulled it around her shoulders.  Her lips lifted slightly in a pathetic attempt at a smile, then she was gone.

—

Completely crushed, Eunji wandered out of the restaurant.  She pulled the blazer that Tae had so sweetly given to her tightly around herself.  She looked up at the clouded sky just as a gentle raindrop fell to hit her face.  It set off a flood, for teardrops started streaming down her face, mirroring the rain around her.  She walked out into the downpour, not caring if she got soaked.  The rain did, in fact, feel completely appropriate as its melancholy matched her mood. 

Normally, Tae would have come to her rescue.  Driven up in his car and whisked her away to someplace warm and dry.  But not tonight.  Tonight, he was still sitting in the restaurant, probably staring at a wine glass as he held it in front of his face.  Was he contemplating how uncomfortable she had just made him feel?  Had she destroyed their beautiful friendship with her honesty?

Tears continued to spill down her face as she meandered down the sidewalk.  They wouldn’t stop.  She wanted someone to comfort her, but who?  She shivered as the rain continued its steady beating upon her exhausted body and the solid ground around her.  No doubt, Tae had been right, and she would end up with a cold, but she didn’t care.  She just kept walking down the street, rain blending with her tears as they rolled down her face. 

She became more and more lethargic the farther she walked.  Soon, she was barely moving anymore.  She felt her feet coming to a stop as she began to crumple to the ground.  Just then, two strong arms embraced her from behind.  Had she been more coherent, she would have reacted violently to being engulfed by two strange arms.  But right now, those arms had the strength she lacked, so she leaned into them.

“Eunji, what are you doing?  You’re going to get sick!” exclaimed a beloved voice in her ear.

Namjoon. 

Peace flooded her; relief overwhelmed her. 

He had come for her.

She relaxed completely, prompting him to pick her up in his arms.  Fervently praying she wouldn’t get sick, he hurried to his car.  The silly girl was already shivering.

—

Eunji was now sitting on Namjoon’s couch, wearing a pair of his sweatpants and one of his sweatshirts.  She huddled into the hoodie, hoping he’d return soon.  Then, as if he could read her thoughts, Namjoon walked slowly into the room, carefully carrying a bowl of soup.  He set it down on the coffee table and sat next to her.

“Are you all right, Eunji?”  When she didn’t respond, he continued, “Why were you wandering down the street in the rain?”

Eunji ignored his words, staring blankly at his chest, longing to lay her head there as he rocked her to sleep.  A memory surfaced…

She was a tiny girl, tired from a busy day away from their house.  Her eomma picked her up in strong arms and carried her to her room, but when Eunji clung to her, her mother’s soft chuckle had sounded in her ear.

“All right, sweetheart, I’ll rock you tonight.”  Her eomma’s voice was just a tender breath, slipping into her heart.  Wrapping around her with affection.

Eunji’s eyes had been squeezed tightly shut as she rested her cheek against her eomma’s shoulder.  But she felt her mother’s weight shifting as she sat down in the rocking chair hidden in the corner of her room.  Eunji’s body slid down hers until she was sitting on her eomma’s lap, her head cradled against her mother’s chest. 

Those strong arms surrounded her.  Comforted her as she felt the soothing motion of the rocking chair begin.  It seemed to dance to the cadence of the song her eomma was humming.   Wrapped in both its soothing melody and the warmth of her mother’s arms, the tiny Eunji had fallen asleep…

“Eunji?” Namjoon waved his hand in front of her eyes.

She blinked and focused on his face. “Hmm?”

“Eunji, I think you need to sleep.  You’re not focusing on me at all.  Would you like to go sleep in my bed?  I can sleep on the couch tonight.”

She shook her head and leaned towards him to lay it on his chest.  “I need warmth.  Please stay with me.”

Quite perplexed, Namjoon simply stared down at her.  Was she wanting to snuggle with him?  Was she delirious?  Did she, for some reason, think he was Tae?

“Namjoon…please.”  She wrapped her arms around his waist in an attempt to pull him closer.

His eyebrows flew up towards the vaulted ceiling.  So she wasn’t confused.  Happily, Namjoon slid his hands underneath her arms and pulled her up onto his lap and snugly against his chest.  She seemed pleased by this action.  She turned towards him, relaxing completely against him as she buried her face in his chest. 

He wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but he definitely wasn’t complaining.  He sat, joyfully cradling her in his arms as he gazed down at her beautiful face.  It wasn’t long before he heard soft snores slipping from her lips.  It appeared neither of them would be leaving the couch tonight.  He was quite satisfied with this turn of events.

He stared down at her face intently.  She was so beautiful.  Even ill.  Even lying unconscious in his arms.  Maybe, especially under these circumstances.  An air of vulnerability clung to her.  She appeared much younger than usual.  In fact, he could see an echo of the tiny girl he had first met long ago as he now gazed at her lovely countenance.

Her long, dark hair flowed around her body and framed her small face perfectly.  Her midnight bangs fell across her forehead and into her eyes, where they brushed her delightfully long eyelashes.  His eyes traveled to her rosy lips.  They were so pretty.  Captivating.  How many years had he dreamed of kissing those lips?

He noticed the dark mole just below her bottom lip.  It enhanced her beauty.  His eyes traversed her face again, and he found another mole just below the tip of her nose.  Up a bit more, he discovered one on her cheekbone.  He had no idea why, but he adored those small moles on her face.  They were so cute.  Were his lips tiny enough to touch only those moles, he would have kissed them then!

He looked at her button nose.  It was so small.  He ran his finger down the soft blade of it.  Then his fingers cascaded across her cheek.  And he noticed how warm she felt.  He brushed her bangs aside and touched her forehead with the back of his hand.

Wow, she’s burning up! 

He sighed.  He wished he had rescued her from the rain sooner.  She wouldn’t be sick if he had just shown up a few minutes earlier.  He rested his cheek against the top of her head.

“I’m sorry, Eunji.  It’s my fault you’re sick,” he murmured into her hair.

He then heard footsteps.  He looked up to see Tae, who was also soaked from the rain, standing in the doorway to the living room.  His white, button-down shirt was clinging to his skin, and half the dark hair crowning his head was plastered to his forehead. 

Namjoon raised an eyebrow at him then muttered quietly, “What happened?”

Tae motioned to Eunji. “She asked me out to dinner.  She told me she liked me.  I had to tell her I think of her as a sister.  I broke her heart.  I’m the reason she was in the rain.”  He paused.  “I suppose she came looking for you?”

“No, I was driving home from the store.  I saw her walking down the sidewalk.  I barely caught her before she fell.  She passed out in my arms.”

“Oh!  She’s sick?”

Namjoon nodded.

Tae looked down at the ground.  “It’s all my fault.  I shouldn’t have let her go out into the rain.”

“Honestly, she might have just caught the cold Jungju has.” Namjoon glanced up at him with concern.  “But, just to be on the safe side, you should go change before you catch a cold yourself.  I wouldn’t want to have to take care of two sick people.”

Tae nodded and headed for the stairs before turning back towards Namjoon. “You better take good care of her.  As her best friend, I will beat you if you break her heart.”  He turned around and climbed the stairs.  But his fierce words had just revealed his own heart.

Namjoon looked down at Eunji. “That boy is so silly, saying something like that after breaking your heart himself.”

He shook his head.  He knew he couldn’t be mad at Tae.  Now, Namjoon might actually have a shot with Eunji himself.  He just hoped there was some way he could mend her broken heart…

—

Feeling heat encircling her, Eunji opened her eyes.  She looked up to see Namjoon sound asleep, his arms wrapped around her.  Another wave of tenderness swamped her.  She snuggled into his chest once again.  She would’ve repulsed such attention before, but after the events of last night, she felt safe and warm in his arms.  And…not quite as lonely.  She did, however, wish Namjoon was emitting more heat; she was still freezing.  She shivered, waking Namjoon.  He looked down at her.

“Are you cold?”

She nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry.  I would’ve gotten some blankets last night, but you fell asleep on me, and I didn’t wish to disturb you.”

“You guys are finally awake?”

They looked over at the doorway to see Tae holding a steaming cup of tea and taking sips from it.  He had a sheepish look on his face.  He clearly still regretted breaking Eunji’s heart the previous night.

“Can you grab us some blankets?” Namjoon asked, oblivious to the fact that Eunji was valiantly fighting the urge to burst into tears.

Tae nodded and exited the room quickly.  He deplored crushing Eunji’s heart, but he knew it was for the best.  He returned a moment later and tossed a large, fluffy blanket at Namjoon before hurrying out the door.  He couldn’t stick around to see Eunji’s sad face for even one minute more.

Namjoon quickly pulled the blanket around him and Eunji.  She snuggled into him once more, burying her face in his warm chest.  She shivered again, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Eunji, would you like some tea?  It might help warm you up.”

She shook her head.  She secretly wanted to stay like this forever.  Wrapped up in his arms.  She was pushing all the pain of Tae’s rejection far from her right now and concentrating on how Namjoon made her feel.  She’d been ignoring those emotions ever since they’d renewed their friendship.  But now, falling into those feelings seemed the wisest course of action. 

Tae was lost to her.  He had, in fact, never loved her as she had loved him.  And she was engaged to Namjoon.  So focusing all the thoughts of her heart upon him might be the right thing to do now.  Could she find love with Namjoon?   

She couldn’t deny the invisible cord that, with each passing day, seemed to be pulling her closer to him and binding her heart with his.  Was it possible that she was actually falling in love with him?  No…she was just enjoying his comfort.  His friendship.  The quiet sanctuary that was his soul.  That was it. 

But then, Eunji felt him run his hand through her hair.  And an irresistible ache erupted from deep down in her core.  Its power stunned her.  She leaned into his touch.  She wasn’t sure why she felt so comforted by those fingers sliding along her scalp, but she did.

She shut her eyes again, his touch and his warm embrace lulling her to sleep once more.  It wasn’t long before she was soundly slumbering in his arms.  Her soft breathing was not the only thing alerting Namjoon to the fact that she was no longer awake.  He had felt her whole body relaxing.  A sure sign that she put absolute trust in him.

He looked down at her.  He still couldn’t understand why she was so beautiful, even in this state.  He then remembered the bowl of soup he had brought out the night before.  He glanced over at the table, taking note of that sad soup bowl.  It sat utterly rejected by the one whose lips had been meant to embrace it.  He shook his head.  She had once again fallen asleep before he could feed her anything.  Or even give her a drink of water. 

He glanced down at her.  As his eyes slid over her rosy cheeks and her chapped lips, a memory surfaced in his heart.  One from a long time ago…

One night, when Namjoon had been five years old and Tae, a precocious three-year-old, they had been forced to sleep on the couch.  Thunder had crashed outside the window as lightning flashed and the rains descended, and Tae had dived underneath the pile of blankets Namjoon had found for them to snuggle under.  When Namjoon had reached for him, Tae had crawled up on his lap and buried his face into Namjoon’s chest.  Then he had fallen asleep there, his nose pressed over Namjoon’s racing heart.  He hadn’t liked the storm any more than his baby brother had.  But he’d had to be strong.  For Tae’s sake.

As Namjoon watched the scene replay itself in his head, he wondered if Tae remembered that night, or if it was a memory only he himself had stored.  He had always adored his younger brother.  From the moment of his birth, Tae had been as precious to him as his own self. 

His mind quickly retreated from his original thought as it ambled off down a rabbit trail.  It traveled all the way back to his earliest memory…

Namjoon looked down at the small newborn in his mother’s arms as his father held him up so he could see the tiny baby.  As a two-year-old, it hadn’t been the easiest thing to wrap his head around.  His parents having another child.  All he had seen was a smaller version of himself, not another baby.  Clinging to his appa’s neck, he had sat on his father’s arm as he stared down in awe at his baby brother.

From that first moment, when he looked at Tae, he had recognized someone who needed his protection.  A fierce desire had kindled in Namjoon’s little heart.  A longing to keep that tiny one from all harm.  To always put Tae before himself.  Tae had seemed so fragile to Namjoon that day.  As though a strong wind could have blown him away.  A threatening storm might have damaged him.  But Namjoon had fallen in love with the little guy at first sight.  Therefore, he wanted to ensure that no harm ever befell him.

“Baby?” Namjoon had asked, his young brain not fully understanding the term.

“Yes, Joonie.  It’s a baby.  Can you say hi to Tae?”

Namjoon had peered down at Tae. “Hi, baby.”

A smile crowned his lips as he recalled another such memory.

He was crouched in front of the baby carrier, looking down at his younger brother, who stared intently back at him.

“Taehyungie, why you not talk to me?” Namjoon pouted.

Tae just stared back at him with his huge, chocolate eyes, not understanding a single word Namjoon said.  Tae sucked slowly on the pacifier in his mouth.  Namjoon pursed his lips and plopped down on the ground next to the carrier.  He wished his brother could talk to him; it was quite boring to make conversation with someone who couldn’t respond.  He looked over at the carrier again to see Tae popping his head out of it, trying his best to see Namjoon’s face.  The pacifier dropped from his mouth to reveal a small pout.  Namjoon then realized it was because Tae couldn’t see him.  Namjoon was about to stand up again when he heard a small cry.

“Juju…” The small voice was laced with sadness.

Namjoon’s eyes went wide, and he shot up.  Tae had just said his first word!

“Eomma!!!  Appa!!!  Taehyungie say my name!”

His parents had erupted into the room, surprising Tae even more.  This caused the tiny toddler to burst into tears, and Namjoon and his parents had done their best to calm the small child.

Another memory bubbled to the surface.  Tae was now an active four-year-old, and Namjoon, his stalwart protector at a tender six years of age.

Tae was sitting out in the front yard on the concrete, hugging his knee and bawling his eyes out.  Namjoon had just noticed him and immediately ran over to check on him.  He looked down at Tae’s knee, which was skinned and bloody.  He knelt down in front of Tae.

“Are you okay?  What happened?”

Trying to contain his tears, the brave Tae pointed to a toy lying a few feet from him. “I-I t-tripped over t-that a-and f-fell…” He sniffled and continued crying.

“Should we go inside?”

Tae nodded.

“Ok.”  Namjoon stood up, pulling Tae up with him.  Bubbling over with tears, Tae fell into Namjoon.

“I-it h-hurts, Juju…”

The responsible six-year-old had tried his best to pick Tae up, carrying him into the house to find their eomma.

Conscious of the present day once more, Namjoon wondered why all these memories were suddenly surfacing.  Once they’d begun, he couldn’t seem to stop them.  The next one appeared.

He watched as one of his more painful memories erupted from the depths of his soul.  Horrified, he observed another boy smack a tiny Tae across the face before he ran off laughing at the little boy’s distress.  Namjoon saw Tae running towards him.  Once again, he was crying.  He ran straight to his older brother, hugging him and burying his face in Namjoon’s shoulder.  He rubbed Tae’s back. 

Namjoon had been eight years old that summer, and that had not been the first time Tae had been mistreated.  It had happened many times that summer, and it had broken Namjoon a little more each time he witnessed it.  Because he hadn’t been able to put a stop to it.  But that last time had crystallized his resolve.  He had sworn that he would protect Tae.  Even if it meant that he had to stay by his side at all times.

His brain skipped forward a few more years, and he and Tae were standing in front of a coffin.  This was the most painful memory of all.  Tears spilling from his eyes, Tae had held Namjoon’s hand tightly.

“She’s not really gone, right?  This is a dream?”

“No, Tae…she’s gone…forever.”

He watched as the flood spilling from Tae’s eyes got heavier, and he dropped to his knees.

“Nooo,” he moaned.  “Eomma, come back!”  He leaned his head on the coffin, his weeping not ceasing for several minutes. 

It might have even been an hour that Tae had knelt there, soaking the ground with his young grief.  Just tears.  A flood of tears was all Namjoon had seen and heard as he looked down at his baby brother.  But Namjoon had been frozen.  No tears had yet graced his face.  

He hadn’t wanted to believe it either, that their mother had forever fled from their lives.  That she would never return to them.  His mind considered all the things she would miss.  Now that she was gone.  She’d never see them graduate from school.  She’d never see them fall in love.  She’d never see them get married.  She’d never meet her grandchildren.  

In that moment, it had hit Namjoon with the force of a speeding train, and the tears had finally come.  They had begun spilling down his cheeks as well.  He had joined his little brother on the ground.

Namjoon pulled himself back to the present.  He hated that memory.  It made him want to weep those bitter tears all over again.

“Namjoon?”

He looked up at Tae, who was watching him with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was…” Namjoon hesitated.  He didn’t want Tae to be reminded of the pain.  “I was thinking about Eomma…”

“Oh…”

Namjoon watched as tears started to form in Tae’s eyes.  That was maybe the worst part of the memory – Tae sobbing.  And, now, Namjoon had set off his tears again.  He hated seeing his brother cry.  Would the loss of their eomma ever stop hurting them?

He sighed, and Eunji stirred awake again.

“Namjoon, why are your eyes red?” she murmured as she gazed up at him.

“Hmm?  Oh…um…no reason.”

Eunji raised an eyebrow, but she was too tired to question him further.