Chapter 9: Sharing Breaths – June 22 – 29, 2019
Namjoon had planned a surprise for Eunji.
“Can you set aside a whole day to spend with me next Saturday?” he whispered huskily one night when they were sitting out under the stars eating dinner by the pool.
They hadn’t kissed since that first night a week ago, but they’d spent every evening eating dinner together since then. Something had shifted between them. They each felt closer to the other. There was a heightened level of trust between them too.
She glanced up at him. There was an odd note in his voice. As she gazed into those chocolate eyes of his, she suddenly felt herself falling into them. Which was strange. And completely unexpected. Wordlessly, she nodded her head.
“Great,” he smiled.
He had planned the perfect day for Saturday. Would it be the first step in wooing her? Was it even possible? Or was her heart still firmly in Tae’s grasp? Never to be freed by anyone else?
Honestly, their kiss had given Namjoon the courage to make his plans. His heart was overflowing with his passion for her. He was praying that he could turn her head. And capture her heart. And that Tae would find someone else to love. That they could, in fact, all be happy.
—
Saturday dawned bright and beautiful. Namjoon drove to Eunji’s and picked her up. She greeted him with a grin and climbed into the front seat of his car. She was wearing a simple blue T-shirt and a pair of white shorts. Had she finally taken him seriously?
He glanced at her feet. The platforms were missing. She was wearing a basic pair of white sneakers. Completely unembellished. Even her gorgeous, raven hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail.
He looked into her eyes. “Dare I hope that you took me at my word?”
Confused, she caught his gaze. “What?”
“You’re not dressed up. You look oddly comfortable. Like you expect to have a good time with me today. And know that you don’t have to dress like a princess to attract my attention. Or,” his eyes slid over her appreciatively, “my admiration.”
She blushed. How on earth did Namjoon have the ability to make her flush? Tae had never done so. And she felt like she’d lost her power of speech too. At a loss, she simply stared at him. After a moment, she shrugged.
But the look in his eyes was still warming her. Then his pretty smile appeared again, and that flush leaked all the way into her heart. After a moment, she discovered she could still speak.
“So…where are you taking me?”
His grin broadened. “To the marina.”
“The marina?” She quirked one dark brow.
He nodded. “On a long overdue date.”
Perplexed, she furrowed her adorable eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”
He lifted both of his dark eyebrows. “It shall remain a mystery then. We’ll see if our little expedition jogs loose any memories.”
She swallowed. She was uncertain what to say. His countenance split into that adorable grin that stole fifteen years from his face. His eyes slipped over her casual outfit again.
“I’m glad you feel like you can be yourself with me. I like yourself.”
His words invaded her heart with a shocking warmth that drew a tear from her eye. She glanced quickly out her window and reached up to wipe the moisture from her eye before he could see it. Though, in retrospect, she felt foolish doing so. He had, after all, bawled into her shoulder a few days ago. What was a tiny tear compared to that?
—
They rode in a companionable silence the remainder of the way to the pier. When they arrived, he rushed over to her side of the car so he could open her door for her. How was it that he had such power to make her feel treasured by the slightest gesture?
Arms dangling, they walked along the pier. His fingers bumped into hers. He pulled his hand away as though she’d burned him. But when she didn’t move her hand, and her fingers reached out to brush his, he drew courage from that slight touch, and he slid his fingers along hers. Begging permission to hold her hand.
Why was that slight touch so comforting? She’d spent her life alone. But for Tae’s friendship. Could it be that she had found someone else to solace her heart?
Tae had been her one safe haven. She glanced up at Namjoon. He was so much taller than her. But she never felt threatened by him. She was, in fact, beginning to lean on him. To trust in his strength. To look towards him to comfort her.
Should that scare her? She had never been close to a man. Except for her brother. She was not close to her appa at all. And Tae was still a boy, really. Wasn’t he?
But Namjoon was a man. A quiet, diligent scholar. He’d just finished four years at the university and returned to town to help his appa run their business. He’d spent those four years in Seoul. Had he left behind any friends when he’d moved home? What about a girlfriend?
She had so many questions swirling around her heart and mind now. Really, she knew so little about her best friend’s big brother.
He glanced down at her as they approached the boat he’d rented for the day. She hadn’t responded to the last touch of his fingers. He pulled his hand into his side. He’d been too bold. He’d misunderstood. He had thought she was instigating that touch. But it must have just been an accident. His heart slipped a little.
His eyes slid along her head. The sun glinted off her dark hair and awakened a memory from long ago. She’d been thirteen years old; he, seventeen.
She had transformed that summer from a little girl into a ravishing beauty. He had always had a soft spot for her, from their first meeting when he had been thirteen, and she, a tiny child of nine years. Something about that enchanting, little girl had always haunted him. All that pale skin and those wide, midnight eyes of hers. Something buried deep in them had always beckoned him. But his regard for her had transformed into something deeper when she developed curves and her face lost the softness of childhood. He still remembered the day he’d met her at the beach after her summer of transformation. The day her countenance had revealed her new maturity.
She’d glanced up into his eyes, and he had ceased to breathe. Her luminous, obsidian eyes had sparkled in the noonday sun. Its rays had been hidden in the sheen of her long, midnight hair that had flowed, unbound, down to her waist that day. She’d been clothed in a modest one-piece bathing suit. He still remembered her tan legs and her tiny waist.
But it was her beautiful face that had attracted his notice. And the laughter that had poured from her lips that afternoon as Tae had grabbed her around the waist from behind and hauled her up to swing her around as he twirled in a circle. Her peal of laughter had been heard half a mile up the beach as it had ridden the incoming waves.
An arrow of jealousy had pierced Namjoon’s heart even then. She had been so comfortable with Tae that he could grab her around the waist and pull her up against him. Namjoon would never have dared to touch her. Except for that one time. He still didn’t dare. Not even after kissing her.
She had begged him for his embrace the night she’d gotten caught in the downpour. She had climbed on his lap the night he’d been mourning his eomma’s absence. Eunji would have to instigate any physical intimacy between them. Namjoon was too shy to test those waters without her encouragement.
Especially knowing that she was in love with his brother.
Except…she had kissed him.
Why?
Just because she’d felt sorry for him? She’d sensed his sorrow over the loss of his eomma, so she’d offered her lips to him to provide him with the comfort he was missing?
—
Namjoon stopped walking, but not before Eunji noticed that he withdrew his hand. Had she misunderstood? She had believed him to be begging her permission to hold her hand. But then, he’d thrown up a wall between them and pulled his hand away from hers. Even as her fingers had stroked his.
Was he unwilling to open even the slightest part of his heart to her? Oh, she didn’t want to marry a cold fish! She wanted a man she could confide in! One she could trust.
Her heart released a pang. But then she remembered his kiss of more than a week ago now. That kiss had curled her toes. There had been nothing cold about it. Nothing whatsoever. In fact, if she could base the level of his ardor on that kiss, she knew he’d pass with flying colors.
“We’re here,” his mellow voice sounded in her ear.
She glanced up at him. He was gesturing to a boat. Her eyes widened as she examined it.
“This is yours?” she questioned as she took in the impressive mini yacht.
He shook his head. “I’m just renting it for the day. Along with the captain. I’m not about to try to drive this thing. We’ll leave that up to the professionals.”
She stared up at him as her mind began to work. “When are we coming back?”
“Late tonight,” he murmured huskily.
Her eyes collided with his own. “You remembered.”
He remembered everything. Every single time he’d breathed the same air as her. Too infrequent had been those moments. So he had memorized them all. Her scent. Her laugh. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. The tender brush of her fingers across his skin. The gentle timbre of her voice. Unless she was berating Tae. Then its tone rose higher. Like that of a bossy, older sister. But when she spoke to Namjoon, she always used a low tone that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. And made him wish to come back for more of her.
And now, he could add to his long list of her alluring charms one more very important item. Her taste. Her lips had tasted like peppermint. And something else. Something that belonged to her alone. He called it eau d’Eunji. That quintessential something that only she released.
“What did I remember?” he queried.
“Our first conversation this year.”
He quirked a raven eyebrow. “Sailing under the stars. Inky darkness. No light but that which the heavens give off,” he whispered.
She was staring up at him in wonder. Was Namjoon a romantic?
He smiled. “You remembered too.”
But as she stared into his chocolate eyes, she recalled something more…
She’d been fifteen. Hanging out with Tae and Namjoon at their house. They’d all been playing a video game together. It had been Namjoon’s last night at home. He’d left for college the next day.
Near ten o’clock, she and Tae had gotten into a little tiff. Angry, Eunji had stomped outside and plopped herself down next to the pool. She had expected Tae to follow her. But he hadn’t. Someone else had though.
No one had turned on any outside lights that night. She’d been able to make out a couple of stars. Not much. The city lights were too bright, even this close to the outskirts of town.
Still, that truth hadn’t stopped her from searching the night sky. Namjoon’s voice had sounded suddenly behind her after a few moments.
“What are you doing?”
He’d breathed those words in a low rumble that had released something indefinable in the pit of her stomach. Like a butterfly fluttering its wings underwater. She could swear that even now she still felt the ripples of that moment nearly four years ago. She’d felt his voice in every fiber of her being. Even then, she’d found that strange.
She’d never been close to Namjoon. Never able to relax around him. Something about him had set her on edge when she was younger. Like a hyperawareness of his presence. His voice had been threaded with it that night.
“Trying to find some light to guide me,” she whispered into the inky deep of that evening. “I know – somewhere up there – there’s a star with my name on it. A sign that God has not forgotten me. That His eyes follow me wherever I go. Whatever I do. However I hurt. Someday, I’ll find it. And it will light my way home.”
Her voice had been full of sorrow that night. He had wanted to draw her into his arms. He had stood behind her for a long time. Debating his options.
That backyard had been concealed by trees. Their cover had kept out most of the light from the city. Only a faint glow remained in the sky. But it had been below the tree line.
She had been able to bask in the dark that night. Unseen. But, somehow, known by Namjoon. Only by Namjoon. Tae hadn’t come for her that night. It had been his big brother whose breath had comforted her in the dark.
After weighing his options for several moments, Namjoon had given in to an impulse and approached her.
“Want to go swimming with me?”
“Under the stars?”
He could hear the smile in her voice.
“Absolutely.”
“I’m not wearing my swimsuit,” she’d murmured.
“Did you bring it?”
She had shaken her head, but, of course, he hadn’t seen her. “No.”
“You can wear my T-shirt,” he’d whispered huskily.
He’d then reached up and peeled it off, pulling it above his head with one slender hand. A moment later, she’d felt it brushing her arm. She had reached up to take it. He’d been standing next to her, the light of the stars glowing off of his naked chest. She’d discovered she could see more than she’d anticipated in that darkness.
She’d swallowed and walked behind the chaise lounge to remove her button-down blouse. She had dressed up even then. At fifteen. On a weekend when she was just hanging out with her best friend and his brother. She’d certainly not been wearing anything she could go swimming in.
She’d pulled his T-shirt on. It had fallen halfway down her thighs. He’d been so much taller than her even then. She’d slipped her skirt off and laid it over the back of the chaise. Then, suddenly nervous, she’d walked towards him.
He had grinned at her, his white teeth catching the light of those stars. Then he’d headed for the pool. He’d sat down on its edge and dangled his legs in the water. Almost soaking his shorts. She had sat down tentatively next to him.
And felt something in the air between them. Like blue electricity, it had arced from his eyes into hers as she glanced his way. Despite the fact that she couldn’t see him clearly. Her heart had been racing that night. Though, she couldn’t have explained its reason.
She’d slid her naked legs into the water and gasped at its chill.
“Is it cold?” he had instantly questioned her.
“Yes.” But even as she’d responded, the water had begun to warm up.
“Let’s go all in. It’s the only way to get used to it.” With those words, he’d pushed himself off the side and fallen into the pool.
He’d come to stand in front of her. His eyes and his teeth had been the only parts of his face that she could make out in the darkness. Suddenly, his arms had snaked around her waist. And he had pulled her towards him. She had fallen forward and gasped again. From the shock of the cold water. But more from the shock of Namjoon’s body pressed up against hers.
He had instantly loosened his hold on her and backed up until his body wasn’t touching hers anymore, but he hadn’t released her. He had, in fact, stood with his feet planted on the bottom of that pool and held her gently. As he’d stared down into her eyes.
“Are you all right?” he’d murmured.
She had nodded. But it had been a lie. She hadn’t been all right. Not at all. Her heart had been thudding along at an alarming rate. And she hadn’t had the faintest idea how to stop its hasty retreat.
It had seemed to be attempting to flee from Namjoon. But, of course, if that was its objective, it was missing the mark completely. For she was still held securely within the circle of his arms. It had been horribly awkward.
Yet…not. That odd awareness of him had sharpened in those cool moments under the twinkling stars. Surrounded by a midnight world that fascinated her when she was in Namjoon’s arms.
Was he going to try to reenact it tonight? The moment they’d had in that pool four years ago? The moment neither of them had ever spoken of. To anyone.
She relived it now. Had he been honest, he would have admitted that he too was reliving it with her. For an instant, she tried to block out the bright morning sunshine by closing her eyes. As she did so, she found herself in that dark pool again. Surrounded by Namjoon.
“Eunji,” he had whispered. “You are a stunning beauty. By starlight. In daylight. It doesn’t matter. No matter where you are, you shine like that star you’re pursuing.”
Had he known that she felt unwanted? Unloved? Unlovely? Was that why he had spoken those beautiful words to her?
As a tear had trickled down her cheek, she had found his gleaming eyes with her own and leaned towards him. He had lowered his head until their breaths mingled. She had felt him breathing into her mouth. He’d smelled of cinnamon. Like the Turtle chips they’d spent the evening eating.
She had smiled momentarily as she inhaled that pleasing scent. Would he taste like them too? She had wondered. But she had checked her curiosity and stood perfectly still as the water lapped them. And the starlight bounced off its gentle ripples.
A moment later, she was glad she had done so. For he opened his mouth and murmured nearly against her lips eleven words she had never forgotten. But which she had later planted deep within her memory bank.
“I’m going to miss you, Eunji, more than you can fathom.”
Then his head had bent slightly until his mouth was hovering over hers. Their lips were not touching. Yet she had known that if she moved even fractionally, her mouth would brush against his. And in that moment, every fiber of her being had yearned for that to happen.
She had not understood it. She had liked Tae. He had been her best friend for years. She’d had a crush on him since the first moment she’d laid eyes on him. But as she’d stood in that pool encircled by Namjoon’s arms, she had craved his kiss. Just the simple touch of his lips against her own.
Had he felt it? Was that why he’d moved just a fraction to bring his lip line to the very edge of her own? He had opened his mouth then, and she had breathed his air in. The heat of cinnamon had invaded her head.
But it had seemed like he was waiting for her to make the first move. She had stood there while her stomach flipped upside down several times. She could hear him breathing. And feel the rise and fall of his chest pressed against her own.
She had also felt the air leaving his lungs to saturate the inside of her mouth with his spicy flavor. She had longed to feel his lips brushing along her own. But she had lacked the courage to lean into him. So they had simply stood sharing each other’s breath for several moments. His arms locked around her. Her hands resting on his bare chest.
Even now, she could still recall the feel of his skin under her fingertips. She hadn’t wanted to let him go. In those terrifyingly exhilarating moments, she had begun to weave crazy dreams around him. Dreams she’d tucked far down into the very bottom of her heart. Dreams she had forgotten until this very moment.
She glanced up into his eyes under the bright sunlight of modern day, and she blinked, breaking the spell. The moment was gone. But her cheeks attested to its existence. They were flushed with two adorable roses right now.
Namjoon had to wonder if she was remembering the same ecstatic moment he was. The encounter they’d had in the dark that had nearly ended in their first kiss. But alas, it had not! Perhaps, if it had, it would have changed everything. Maybe she would have been pining for him instead of his baby brother all these years.
She watched as a mysterious sorrow invaded his gaze. Then he blinked, and it was gone.
“Are you ready?” he questioned her with a smile.
He was holding his hand out to her. She took it and allowed him to help her climb into the boat. Then he followed her. A few minutes later, they headed out to the open sea. The wind in their hair. And memories still flooding both of their minds. Though, neither spoke of them.
