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Chapter 1: Regrets – August 30 – October 2, 2020

She hated to admit it.

But she missed Hobi.

His sunny smile.  His crazy antics.  His constant helpfulness.  His floppy, brown hair. 

Minsu missed sitting on this couch with him, both their dogs snuggling in their laps as they watched a drama together.  She missed coming home to his comforting smile after a long day.  She missed the way she’d felt when his arms had embraced her.  She missed pillowing her head over his heart.  She missed his sweet breath against her ear, his soothing voice assuring her that everything was going to be all right.  That she was beautiful.  Perfect.  Flawless.  

How had she not seen it from the beginning?  That he was in love with her.

She realized now that from the very first day of their acquaintanceship, he’d been rescuing her.  He’d constantly been rescuing her.  Nearly every hour from day one.  He had rescued her from the disasters of her own making.  Coffee spills.  Broken scones.  A broken heart.  Naru had been one of those disasters too.  

And Hobi had rescued her dog.  Then, he’d rescued her from loneliness, moving her in with him.  

She recalled that first day when he’d compared their dogs’ names and claimed they were a match made in Heaven.  Had he liked her even then?

She shook her head.  He was gone.  She needed to let him go.  But, why, if he was just her brother, did she keep thinking about him?  Missing him? 

His touch.  His soothing voice.  His embrace.  His lips on her forehead.  His breath in her ear.

She missed all of him.

––

The little boy had haunting eyes.  Beautiful, mocha eyes.  Like a rich hot chocolate.  They were wide and fringed with thick, kohl eyelashes that reminded him of someone he hadn’t seen in years.  Someone he couldn’t forget…

Jin squatted down next to him.

“Hello, Minhyuk.  I’m Mr. Jin.  I’ll be your teacher this year, and we’re going to have the best time.  I’ll teach you your characters and how to finger paint.  And we’ll learn lots of fun songs together.  

“See that?” Jin pointed across the room.  “That’s our piano.  And I can play it.  So I’ll play a song and teach you the words.  Does that sound like fun?”

The little boy just blinked up at him.  He was four years old.  And not used to being around men.  He was still hiding behind her skirt.  Clinging to her legs.

Jin kept smiling at him, trying to set him at ease.  Then he noticed the stuffed moose in the crook of his right arm.

“Is that a moose?” Jin asked in a confidential whisper.

The little boy furrowed his brow, but he nodded.

Jin looked around like he was about to spill a secret to Minhyuk but didn’t want anyone else to hear him.

“Is it a chocolate moose?” Jin asked in a tiny whisper.

The little boy strained to hear him.  Then he looked down at his stuffed animal as though he needed to ascertain what substance the plushie was made of.  He shook his head.

“No.  It’s a stuffed moose.”

“Ah, that’s the best kind,” Jin responded.  “Though, for my part, I am partial to chocolate mousse.”  He twinkled up at the little boy’s mother.

She laughed before ruffling his hair and turning to walk out the door.  “Goodbye, Minhyuk.  You’ll be okay, sweetie.  Mr. Jin will take good care of you.”

Jin smiled down at him.  He definitely would.

––

Minsu smiled up at her friend as she exclaimed, “Minhyuk’s teacher is hot!  I mean, he is simply adorable.  And I noticed he doesn’t have a wedding band.  So I’m hoping he’s single.  And ready for a wife.”  She laughed.

Her friend smiled, but that bow didn’t reach her eyes.  Minsu hadn’t seen a smile in her friend’s eyes in years.  Not since high school…

“Well, anyway, he smiled at me today, and his chocolate brown eyes lit up.  The man has gorgeous eyes!  Did I say that before?  And the sweetest, plumpest lips!  I could imagine kissing them for hours!”

Her friend remembered another set of plump lips.  That she had kissed for hours.  Until the day she’d given him up for…a disaster.

A tear threatened to invade her eye.  She stood up abruptly.  “Thank you, Minsu, for bringing Minhyuk home.  You are a lifesaver!  Taking him to and from school for me this past month.  And watching him while I work.  I really appreciate it.  But I have an early morning tomorrow.  And I need to get him to bed soon.”

Minsu smiled at her, but the sweet tilt to her lips couldn’t hide her concern for her friend.

“When are you going to put yourself out there again?  I mean, it’s been four years.  You deserve to have a life.  You deserve love.”

“No, I don’t.  I had love once.  And I threw it away for a counterfeit coin.  I don’t ever deserve to be loved again.”  

She lifted sorrowful eyes to her friend.  Who glanced down at her son.

“What about Minhyuk?  He deserves love.  He deserves to have an appa to play ball with him and give him piggyback rides.”  

Then she moved closer to her friend.  She whispered, “He’s afraid of men.  Did you know that?  The first week in his teacher’s class, he hid behind me when I took him to class.  Like he was intimidated by the teacher. But I’m telling you: Mr. Kim is the sweetest of men.  He wouldn’t hurt a fruit fly.”

She smiled at Minsu.  She had once known a Kim who had been that kind too.  “I’m glad,” she murmured.  “I’m glad he’s got a nice teacher.”

“You’re going to meet him on Monday.”  Her friend elbowed her.  “Put a good word in for me, would you?  And remind him that he has my phone number.”

She looked up in surprise at Minsu. “He has your phone number?  How’d he get that?”

“I gave it to him.”  When her friend eyeballed her, Minsu exclaimed, “In case of emergency!  So that if anything happened to Minhyuk, Mr. Kim could get a hold of me.”

“I see,” her friend murmured.  “Subtle.”  Then she glanced at Minsu again.  “But I think he might figure it out if I hit him over the head with your name on Monday.  Perhaps I’ll be more strategic than that.”  This time a tiny smile did light up her face, if not her eyes.  

She’d been watching the train wreck that was Minsu’s love life for several years now.  But it wasn’t as much of a disaster as her own love story had been.  And Minsu was the one friend who had stuck close to her for years.  The one person who hadn’t abandoned her when her world had fallen apart.  

“I love you, Minsu,” she commented suddenly.  “And I really hope that Mr. Kim is the knight in shining armor you’ve been searching for.”

Minsu eyed her solemn friend.  “Perhaps, if he is, I’ll give him to you.  Minhyuk already adores him.  Mr. Kim would make a great appa.”

She sighed then rebuked Minsu lightly.  “I told you.  I’m never getting married again.”  

There was only one man she would ever be willing to marry.  And he was completely lost to her now.

Minsu glanced up at her sharply.  “That’s ridiculous!  You’re twenty-three years old!  What?  You’re going to be a nun for the rest of your life?”

She nodded as her lips twisted in a grimace.  It was, after all, exactly what she deserved.