Chapter 4: A Tender Heart – April 19, 2021
Hobi whistled as he entered the coffee shop the next morning. Upon hearing the bell above the door jingle, Minsu glanced up. And froze. Hobi was here, striding across the floor towards her.
He looked…amazing. His hair was no longer a medium shade of brown. It wasn’t as long either. It no longer flopped into his eyes. It was now a beautiful black. And only about three inches long. Maybe not even that much.
Her eyes surveyed him quickly before she glanced back down at her cash register. Her heart was hammering now. What was she supposed to say to him?
“Hi,” he smiled at her as he came to a standstill on the other side of the counter.
Her heart was racing so hard she couldn’t really breathe anymore. Seeing him was hurting her heart so badly. She gulped for air.
“H-hi,” she finally managed to say.
Hobi frowned. Had Minsu just stuttered?
“What’s wrong?” he queried, without thinking.
She furrowed her brow. “N-nothing.”
She’d done it again. He was truly distressed.
“Am I making you nervous?” he asked.
She closed her eyes. This was a nightmare. She’d just told Raven about Hobi last night. And his sweet response to her hurt had given her hope that maybe, finally, she could put the past behind her and move on. Be happy for once.
She opened her eyes.
But now, Hobi was standing in front of her. Looking so…good. It seemed to her that the overhead lights coaxed a bluish tone from his midnight locks. And those same lights seemed to be bouncing off his white teeth each time he opened his mouth. He seemed taller too. Was that even possible? And why did she keep noticing his lips?
They stretched long and looked smooth and inviting. Kind of like Raven’s. Except…
She frowned.
“D-did y-you w-want c-coffee or a p-pastry?” She fell back on work etiquette. But it wasn’t saving her speech.
She was shaking inwardly. She felt like bursting into tears. How could he affect her like this? She hadn’t seen him in almost four months. And even then, their encounter had been very brief.
Really, they were practically strangers now. It was so hard to believe that she had once shared an apartment with him. And a bed for one night. She suddenly vividly recalled asking him to hold her that night to comfort her. Because she hadn’t wanted to be alone. And he had given in to her request. He had held her for a whole night. She’d awoken the next morning still in his arms.
Such sorrow pierced her gaze suddenly that he gasped inwardly. Why was she so upset?
“H-how is H-Heejin?” she whispered as she blinked.
Immediately, she bowed her head, and her hand came up to swipe at her eye. “S-so s-sorry! I s-seem to h-have an eyelash in m-my eye. I w-will f-find s-someone else to t-take your order w-while I h-head for the r-restroom t-to r-retrieve it.”
Those painful sentences accomplished, she spun on her heel and disappeared into the kitchen.
And Hobi stood still while his heart released another pang for her.
—
She had hidden in the restroom for as long as she dared. She could not face Hobi again. She’d been horrified at how tongue-tied she had become around him. Once upon a time, she’d been so comfortable in his presence that she had fallen asleep in his arms. But those days were clearly gone.
She surveyed the coffee shop with relief. He was gone.
She burst into tears again.
—
He left the coffeehouse almost as soon as she fled to the kitchen. He was distressed. Why had she been so upset to see him? He’d thought she missed him. But she had…
…stuttered. Like she used to stutter in front of Naru. Or when speaking to her appa. She only stuttered when she was nervous. Ill at ease. Or terrified.
But Hobi didn’t want her to be nervous around him. Or fearful. He wanted to set her at ease. His presence used to make her completely comfortable. However, now they were like strangers. So much time had passed since he’d been a part of her life. She was clearly afraid of him now. His heart broke. How would he ever overcome this latest obstacle?
—
“I need to see you now.
“Can I? Or are you busy?”
Raven glanced down at the text messages from Moonbeam and smiled sadly. She’d texted him. She wanted to see him. At least, she liked Raven. But when he finally removed his mask, would she still be happy with him?
“I’m free.”
“Meet me at the corner market next to our coffee shop. We can find a bench at the park and talk.”
A few minutes later, they had found such a bench. Raven was still wearing his mask. Even in the dark. Of course, this city park was well-lit. Unlike their garden. The one they’d met in. Though, the spot they’d just chosen was fairly swamped with shadows. She wouldn’t be able to clearly discern his features now even were he not wearing a mask.
“What’s wrong?” he finally whispered after several silent moments had passed between them.
“How did you know that something was bothering me?”
“It’s obvious. You chew on your lip when you’re distressed.”
She glanced sharply up at him. “How do you know that?”
He thought quickly. “You were doing it last night when you cried over Hobi.”
She glanced away. “I saw him today.”
“You did?”
She nodded. “And I stuttered.”
He met this news with silence for a moment, then he queried, “Why?”
“I don’t know. I was so nervous that I felt like my heart would explode.”
“You love him.”
“What?” she turned to look up at him. “No. I—”
She was at a loss. She kept kissing this guy, but her heart was still so tangled up in knots over Hobi.
“It doesn’t matter how I feel about him. He is lost to me. And I – I really like you. I feel safe with you. I enjoy,” she blushed suddenly; though, he couldn’t make it out in the semidarkness, “kissing you.”
He smiled. “You do?”
She bobbed her head.
“Even though you’ve never seen my face?”
She turned to look at him. “I’ve felt your soul. That’s enough for me.”
“It is?” He sat up straighter. “So…you’d be content to spend the rest of our lives not looking at me?”
She sighed. “I want to see your face. But it’s your heart that calls to me. It’s your words that feed me life. It’s your tenderness I crave. I can have all of those things without seeing your face. Although…”
“What?”
“I would really like to touch it.”
“What?” He furrowed his brow.
“Your face.”
“Close your eyes.”
She glanced up at him. “What?”
“Close your eyes. And keep them closed. Please?”
She nodded. Then she closed her eyes. A moment later she felt his hand grab her right one and draw it up. He directed her hand until she was cupping his cheek.
“Touch away,” he whispered, his voice just a delightful breath again.
She reached up with her other hand and cupped his right cheek too. Then she scooted closer to him. Her fingers began to slide over his skin. She was enjoying the feel of it beneath her fingertips.
But she was having to fight a horrible temptation at the same time. She really wanted to open her eyes and see his face. She was so curious. Why did he hide from her?
She searched for a scar as her fingertips perused his skin. But she had slid them along all the area of both cheeks, skimmed his entire forehead, slipped down his perfect nose, and smoothed across his chin, yet she found not one single sign of a flaw.
“I think…you are perfect. So why do you hide from me?” she finally murmured.
“I am far from perfect. I feel like there’s safety and comfort in you not being able to see me. You’re comfortable with me. I don’t want to steal that comfort from you.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand. Why would seeing your face steal that comfort from me? I think it would give me more comfort. To be able to see the face of the boy I’m coming to admire.”
She felt his smile grow as she laid her fingers across his lips. Then he began to kiss them. He reached up and embraced her hand with his own as he directed it until his lips caressed one slender fingertip at a time.
She began to tremble. She had never known a man could be this gentle. He continued until he had swept a kiss across them all, including the pad of her thumb. Then he tilted her hand down and kissed the back of it. He ran his lips across it from side to side. Then north to south. Then in a circle.
But he surprised her when he suddenly pulled her into his arms. Her eyes fluttered open without her thinking about it. But his head was bent over hers, and it was dark enough here in the park that she couldn’t see him clearly. His face was concealed by shadows.
She squeezed her eyes shut. Her heart was beating so hard. She didn’t want to betray him. He wanted to keep his face hidden for some reason. And she respected him enough to honor his request.
She lifted her face to his as she awaited his kiss.
“Do you – do you still want me to kiss you?”
There was an odd vulnerability to his voice.
“Raven. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you love Hobi.”
“No. Hobi is lost to me. And I…I can’t even talk to him anymore. I ruined any chance of anything between us when I pulled away from him last year. It’s true that I…I did love him. I…it took me so long to realize it. Too long. But we’re like…strangers now. I can’t think of him. I won’t think of him.”
She lifted her face. “I will think of you.”
Then she leaned towards him and pressed her lips eagerly against his. He was surprised at the passion her kiss contained. His arms tightened around her as he drew her as close as he could. A moment later, he had pulled her up into his lap. Her arms slid around his neck as she gave him the kisses her heart longed to give Hobi.
But she also wanted to kiss this man. She felt so totally confused. For Raven felt like a friend she’d known her whole life. She actually felt as close to him as she had once been to Hobi. She knew it was absurd. But true, nonetheless. And it felt perfectly natural to kiss him.
Besides…his tenderness was making her heart palpitate.
After a while, he drew away from her and whispered, “Will you meet me here every night for the next two weeks?”
“So we can kiss?”
He heard the smile in her voice.
“And talk. I want to get to know you. And for you to get to know me.”
“I’d like that.”
—
So they spent the next two weeks meeting at the corner market, walking to the park, and sitting on the bench. Talking. About their dreams. Their fears. Their lives. It reminded her of her times with Hobi. But for one thing. They had never kissed.
Minsu could feel the intimacy between her and Raven growing. As they discussed the things that really touched their hearts, she felt herself being drawn deeper into his. And she discovered that he had a beautiful heart. She wanted more of it. Thoughts of Hobi began to fade…
I really want to know how he is going to reveal himself without making her hurt or angry