Chapter 5: The End – April 30, 2021
“Tae?”
“Hmm?” He was about to decimate Jungkook at MIRᴙOR. Finally. Jungkook seemed majorly distracted today.
“Seonghan broke up with Yun.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you want to know why?” came Kookie’s soft voice.
“Mmm.”
“Because she’s pregnant.”
Tae lost sight of himself in the mirror, and the image he was pursuing – the one he had finally nearly caught – eluded him yet again. It simply faded away as he stared open-mouthed at Jungkook.
“What did you just say?”
Was he becoming hard of hearing? There’s no way he would have imagined the words he’d just heard flow from Jungkook’s lips.
“I said Yunseong is pregnant. And that jerk abandoned her and her baby.”
Tae’s heart rent in half. He had never stopped loving the girl who had become his friend after Eunji had deserted him for his brother. He stood up suddenly.
“Thanks for playing, Jungkookie. I gotta go.”
Then he simply disappeared from sight.
Jungkook hoped he knew where he was going.
Tae’s face had been a blank slate. But Jungkook knew him too well. He’d been able to read the despair in his friend’s eyes as he absorbed the truth that his ex-girlfriend had not only slept with her new boyfriend. But also gotten a child off of him.
—
The beauty of this day was lost on her. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom. The fragrance of their final fading flowers filled the air. But to her, it was a sign of the end. The death of all her dreams.
She had begun to remember. Things she had pushed far below the surface of her heart long ago. All the dreams she’d imagined as a child.
Of a forever love.
Of a beautiful wedding day followed by a beautiful life.
Of her appa walking her down the aisle to meet the perfect man, the one who would cherish her forever. Simply because he had chosen to.
Of lying in a bed with a man for the first time on her wedding night, her body entangled with that of her one true love. As they made each other blissfully happy. Safe in each other’s arms. Secure in one another’s affections.
Of the tiny babies that would follow. Whose laughter would delight her soul. Whose smiles would wreath their appa in gladness. Who would grow up safe in their appa’s arms. Secure in his affections.
Like she had been meant to grow up too.
All of those dreams – every single one – were dead now. One had died years ago. In middle school. On a hot summer’s day. On a patch of road she’d traveled more times than she could count.
Another had slipped away weeks ago. On a cold night in mid-February between the sheets of a man she barely knew. She’d given him the most precious Valentine’s Day present she would ever give anyone. What a waste. He was gone now.
The third had passed away this morning. The twin pink lines of its death lighting up a tiny white stick.
She was mourning this final loss tonight as she stared into the intense eyes of the beautiful boy she had chosen to love nearly two years ago.
She was lying in her bed. Having cried out every tear already. At least, for now. But someone had let Tae into her house. And he had found her in her room alone. As she would be now for the next few months. But, not really. She would never be alone again. And yet, she would be alone forever. Raising a cold man’s baby by herself.
How had she ever thought Seonghan was warm? Hot, even? Passion surely did not equate to love.
She had given up the dream with this precious boy standing before her now for a few nights with a man she’d met not even four months ago. A man whose presence had scarred her life forever. A man’s whose seed had birthed a new life within her womb. And now she was facing Tae. On the verge of telling him her new truth. Thereby ending their connection forever.
Ahhh.
But he already knew. It was evident from the pain in his eyes. It was eating away at her soul now. As it was devastating her own heart.
Seonghan had repudiated her. And their child. His mocking reply even now resounded in her ears.
“This is your problem. It’s none of my concern.”
That had been his response when she had appeared on his doorstep this morning. Nervous. Worried. Terrified. Seeking his comfort. And assurance that everything was going to be all right. That together they could provide their baby with everything she needed.
He’d opened his door, a wide grin lighting up his face at the sight of her.
“Hello, beautiful. To what do I owe this pleasure?” he’d asked as his eyes raked her from head to foot.
Then he’d pulled her towards him, and his hungry mouth had descended upon her own. But, in that moment, she had had no heart to kiss him. And he had tasted her hesitancy.
He’d drawn away from her, asking, “What’s wrong?”
The words had fallen from her lips. “I’m pregnant.”
“Aren’t you on birth control?” He’d furrowed his brow.
“No,” she’d admitted in a tiny voice.
He’d looked angry then. “Still. I used a condom. Every time.”
But he hadn’t. There had been that one time. Had he forgotten?
He hadn’t. She could see it in his eyes.
“I thought you were on birth control. After our first time, I urged you to go get some.”
He had. But she hadn’t. She hadn’t wanted to mess with her hormones. She had known women who had taken it and then been unable to have children. One hidden corner of her heart still desperately wanted kids someday. Off in the distant future. Just not this soon.
So she had lied to him. And insisted he use a condom. Except for one night when he had refused. She’d let him get away with that. And look where it had landed her.
“You lied to me!” he hollered at her. “This is your fault. This is your problem. It’s none of my concern.”
She had just told him she was pregnant with his child. And he had told her his baby was none of his concern. Then he had turned away from her.
“I’d like you to leave now.” So cold. His voice had been so cold.
His words had broken her.
“I’d like you to be the adult you implied being when I first met you.” She’d tossed the words at his head.
He’d swung around to face her. “I never signed up for fatherhood.”
“Apparently, you did. The day you took me to your bed.”
His gentle touches had promised her things. His tender words had too. Pledged her things he was, apparently, unwilling to follow through on.
“So that’s it?” she’d greeted his silence. “You’re just going to turn your back on me and our baby?”
“Do whatever you want. But I’m not raising the brat.”
He had crushed her then. Implying she should destroy the child born of the union between his body and hers. Calling such a precious being a brat.
“She is not the brat in this relationship!” she’d flung in his teeth right before a sob had rocked her chest.
Then she had turned and walked away from him. Forever.
—
And come home to weep alone in her bed. Where Yuni had found her a few hours ago. So…she wasn’t entirely alone. She did have her sister. Who had apparently told Jungkook. Who had passed the news along to Tae. Who was now staring down at her as his heart broke in his eyes. How had she ever thought this sweet boy was cold?
“Well, I’ve gone and done it now, haven’t I, Tae?” she whispered as she gazed up at him.
––
“I am so sorry, Yun,” he whispered roughly in that blissfully deep voice of his.
She burst into tears again. She hadn’t heard that beloved voice in months. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it until it sounded in her ears and filled her entire bedroom with his precious presence.
“I’m the one who’s sorry, Tae. If I could just go back to that night – the last time we talked – and listen to Yuni and Jungkook. I would throw his business card in the trash and leave with them. I would never give him my phone number. Or let him take me to dinner. Or kiss him. Or…”
Her sobs were rocking her bed now.
“You’re not alone, Yun. Everything is going to be all right.”
Tae had spoken all the words her heart had been crying out for today. She stopped weeping. Abruptly. And peeked up at him.
“What?” her voice now destroyed the silence surrounding them.
“I’m here, Yun. I’ll be your friend. I’ll walk through this with you. I’ll even help you tell your parents. I’ll go to your appointments with you. I’ll be there for the birth. If you want me to be,” he clarified. “I’m your friend. I never stopped being your friend.”
“But you did. You stopped texting. You stopped calling. You stopped visiting me.”
“Only because I thought that’s what you wanted. Jungkook told me you were dating that guy. So I figured I should stay away.” He was silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, Yun. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have broken up with you the way I did. You wouldn’t have flown into his arms if I had been gentler with you. More attentive. More open about what I was struggling with.”
She gazed up at him. “What were you struggling with?”
As he peered down at her, he couldn’t believe the irony of life. “That Eunji got pregnant by a man who wasn’t me.”
His words exploded like a bomb in her ears.
For it had happened to him again.
She too had gotten pregnant by another man.
She bowed her head and began to cry again. “I get it, Tae. You still love her. It makes sense to me now. I…I’ve been with another guy in the most intimate way possible, but I’ve never forgotten you.”
“You haven’t been with a guy in the most intimate way possible. If you had, I wouldn’t be here now. Standing here. Watching you cry.”
“What do you mean?”
“The most intimate way two people can be together is to love each other exclusively and then to become intimate physically. You got the latter. But not the former. If he loved you, he’d be the one with you now. He’d be the one facing your parents with you. I doubt you’d be crying then.”
She stared up at him as tears cascaded down her cheeks. Tae turned towards her nightstand and grabbed the Kleenex box. He pivoted and handed it to her. She pulled a couple out and wiped her face before blowing her nose.
“Thanks, Tae.”
He didn’t love her. Not in the way she wanted. He was still in love with the girl who had married his brother. But he was here. As her friend. That had to count for something.
“Thank you, Tae, for being here with me now. I need to go tell my parents. Did you mean it? Will you go with me?”
He nodded.
She stood up and turned towards the door. He reached for her hand. As his fingers slipped around hers, she had to admit that she was thankful for the platonic brush of his hand against hers. And the courage such a simple touch had just birthed in her heart.
They walked out to face her parents together. She was no longer alone.
