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Chapter 8: His Forever – May 24, 2021

Yunseong started feeling just awful in the middle of May.  Right before finals.  She still had a month of school to finish.  She’d get up extra early so she could puke into the toilet and get all the nausea out of her system before she headed to school.  But she was just exhausted.  She was discovering that growing a baby was hard work.  Thankfully, she was going to be able to finish her junior year in college before this baby came into the world.  She’d even make it through half of her senior year.  But the next two weeks were going to be a challenge.

On Monday of the last full week in May, Tae stopped by her house after work.  He bought her some ice cream.  He recalled all her favorites.  But he brought her their most common choice tonight.  Tae knew that pregnancy was often rough on a woman early on.  So he had hoped to bring her a treat she could eat.  However, he hadn’t expected to find her in the condition she was in.  

Yunyeong let him into the house.

“Tae, you are an absolute darling!  You brought her ice cream!  She’s going to love it!  She’s had such a hard time keeping anything down in the mornings, and she’s just exhausted.  She sleeps round the clock when she’s home.  She’s probably not eating enough.  This will help!

“I don’t know how she’s going to do on her finals.  She’s been dragging herself out of bed to make it to class each day.  But as soon as she comes home in the afternoon, she’s in bed.  Go ahead and wake her up.  She needs to eat something.  And she will love that.”

Tae ventured down the hall to her room.  He opened the door quietly without rapping on it.  He didn’t want to wake her up if she was sleeping.  He peered through the doorway.  She was sound asleep.  

His heart turned over at the sight of her.  He had regretted breaking up with her almost instantly in December.  He’d just been in a funk over Eunji’s pregnancy and wedding.  He was kicking himself so badly now.  This precious girl was in this awful predicament because he had broken her heart.  

He walked to the kitchen and put the ice cream in the freezer.  Then he wandered back to her room.  He shut the door and lay down next to her on her bed.  And he let all his feelings flow from his eyes as he drank in her beauty while she slept.  

He had missed her so much.  He’d broken his heart over her for months.  Though, only Jungkook had guessed at his pain.  His only clue had been that Tae unequivocally refused to play MIRᴙOR anymore.  For three whole months.  He had finally caved in to Jungkook’s pleas in early April.  But that had been enough for sensitive Jungkookie to know how badly his best friend was hurting.  However, he hadn’t betrayed him.  Jungkook hadn’t breathed a word of his agony to anyone.  Not even to Yuni.

As Tae now watched the love of his life sleeping, he became concerned that she was too cold.  He got up and found another blanket.  He lay it down over her and tucked it in around her shoulders.  Then he reached up and brushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear.  He wanted to bend over her and kiss her cheek too, but he refrained from doing so.  Yun wasn’t in love with him anymore.  She’d made her choice when she’d picked Seonghan.

Tae had broken her heart.  And any love she had felt for him must have dried up long since.  She didn’t need his feelings complicating their friendship.  So he was here simply as a support to her.  As a good friend.  The kind that would never leave her nor forsake her.

So he had to keep his hands – and his lips – to himself.  But it hurt him physically not to touch her.  To hold back from brushing his lips across that precious forehead burned him.  And a tear slid down his cheek.  Regret – so much regret! – over his choice at Eunji’s wedding.  He sighed.

There was nothing he could do about it now.  Except support Yun.  Be by her side through thick and thin.  Be the best friend she’d ever had.

He lay down next to her again.  His eyes caressed her face until he too fell asleep. 

—

She awoke to the setting sun.  Gentle light was filtering in through her window.  But that wasn’t what caught her attention.  It was Tae lying next to her in her bed that she saw first upon awaking.  

As her eyes traced his beautiful face, she stifled a sob.  This is what she had given up to play around with an older man.  She had given up Tae.  And a life – a good life – with him.  She didn’t even deserve his friendship anymore.  Let alone a second chance at love with him.  Of course, that wasn’t going to happen.  He was still nursing a broken heart over Eunji.

The pain of it bit her afresh, and suddenly, she wished she’d never met him.  That she had never kissed him on that pier two years ago.  That she had never thrown her heart at him.  Only to have it tossed back into her lap…twice.  Then, she would never have made that fateful mistake with Seonghan.  Yes, it would have been better had she never met Tae.   Except that…

…because of Tae, Yuni had met Jungkook, and he had helped her heart to begin healing.  He had, in fact, uncovered her deep, dark secret.  The one she’d told no one – not even Yun herself – about.  That home truth still hurt Yun.  That Yuni hadn’t felt like she could bare her soul to her twin.  She’d kept the private pain of her heart covered.  

Touché.

Wasn’t that the exact same thing Yun had always done?

Ever since their twelfth year.

She sighed. And her eyes hungrily drank in Tae’s beauty.  As she stared at Tae, she recognized another home truth.  She had never stopped loving him.  Not for one moment.  She’d simply stuffed all those feelings down deep inside her.  Apparently, so they could surface now and cause her another intense heartache.

She couldn’t resist the impulse that struck her then.  Or, perhaps, she just didn’t want to.  Either way, she gave in to it immediately.  She reached up and brushed her fingertips across his smooth cheek.  And longed for things she could never have.   

Her appa would never walk her down the aisle towards Tae.  She would never take his hand and step into a glorious future with him.  She’d never have his babies.  Never swing high a child with a boxy grin.  Or watch Tae give their son a piggyback ride on his shoulders.  Instead, she would nurse close to her heart a child who would remind her of the man who had repudiated them both.  The man who had stolen every chance she’d ever possessed with Tae.

As her fingers tenderly stroked his cheek, tears began to cascade down her face.  

“I love you, Tae,” she whispered.  “No matter where you go.  No matter who you eventually marry.  No matter what, I will always love you.  My heart was given the first time I glanced into your intense, chocolate eyes.”  She chuckled lightly, ruefully.  “I never liked chocolate until I met you.  Now I can’t get it out of my head.  I crave it.”

She reached up and ran her fingers through that soft hair.  And briefly remembered wanting to do that to Seonghan’s hair.  Foolish girl that she had been just a few short months ago.  Why pursue the counterfeit when the real deal had been here all along?

She reveled in the feel of that silky hair beneath her fingertips.  Eventually, she reclaimed her hand.  But her heart would never return to her.  Tae held it quite securely in his grasp.  Whether or not he knew it.  Whether or not he cared for it.  It was his.  Forever.