Chapter 8: What About Your Needs? – January 10 – 11, 2022
She lifted her eyes to meet his. She gazed into those lovely pools and dove straight into them. She wanted more of him. A lot more. Every single moment that passed she fell more in love with this wonderful man.
Did he know that no one had ever spoken those beautiful words to her before?
She felt like crying, but no tears would come. She was a little afraid to believe in such a perfect ending. Or more to the point, such a perfect beginning. He was truly the man of her dreams. And here he was lying in her bed with her. She was wrapped in his loving embrace. And he had just declared his love for her. What could be more perfect than that?
But, of course, there was so much of her heart that she had kept hidden from him. If she ever unveiled it, would he still feel the same way about her?
—
She fell asleep wrapped in those strong arms. And the night passed with no trauma. They both arose feeling refreshed. She offered to make breakfast and headed to the kitchen while he showered.
—
“Thanks for making me breakfast. This looks amazing!” He bent over his bowl and inhaled. “It smells amazing too!” His face lit up, and he was grinning at her.
She simply stared at him. And realized that no one had ever talked to her like that. Nobody had ever appreciated her effort or her existence quite like Yunseok did.
She was looking at him with the strangest expression on her face.
“What is it?” he asked as he returned her stare.
“You,” she murmured. “You speak to me differently from everyone else.”
Perplexed, he frowned as he took his first bite, but he was momentarily distracted by the flavors exploding on his tongue.
“Oh! This is simply amazing! Are you sure you’re enjoying the corporate world? Because I’m pretty sure you missed your calling as a chef!”
He opened his eyes to catch the veil of vulnerability that had come to cover her face. It took his breath away.
“What? What is it?”
“How do you do it?”
“What?”
“Breathe out such praise. It’s like it’s born on the inside of you. Like it’s part of you.”
“Heejin, it was just a simple compliment. Your food is amazing.”
She shrugged. “I was lonely as a child. I spent a lot of time with our chef. She was nice to me.” She dropped into her chair and stared down at her own bowl of food.
“Do you like to cook?”
She nodded, and her face lit up. “I love to cook!” Then her excitement turned into a full-fledged grin. “You’re my favorite person to cook for.” Pleasing him made her happy.
He smiled. “Would you rather cook than work in the corporate world?”
She was discovering that she didn’t like the corporate world quite as much as she’d believed she would. She picked up her chopsticks and attacked a bite of her food with them. Then, she nodded.
“Yeah, it’s not all it was cracked up to be.”
“You know what I think?”
Her gaze lifted to meet his.
“I think that your aim all along has been to make your appa proud of you. You thought that if you could excel in his world, he would come to appreciate you. But I think that’s not really who you are at all.”
His words sucked the air from the room. She stared at him. Hurt. Angry.
“No,” she shook her head. “I want to run my own company someday.”
He could tell she was upset with him for being honest with her. “I think you could run your own restaurant,” he opined as he took another bite of his breakfast.
“You think I spent four years getting a business degree and two summers working on my masters’ just to quit and start cooking?!”
He shrugged. “You wouldn’t be the first person to. But I think you were really spending all that time trying to get your appa to notice you.”
A tornado of anger, despair, fear, and hurt was swirling inside her now. She stood up. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!” she ejaculated before she ran towards her room.
He sighed and let her go. She’d clearly been hiding from her feelings for years. Stuffing down the things she wanted to make everyone around her feel good. Working her butt off to please an unappeasable father. Conspiring to help her ex-boyfriend get his girlfriend back. All her efforts went towards making someone else happy. She had completely neglected her own needs and wants. And he thought it was about time to change that. It was time that Heejin got what she needed.
—
She was still angry with him when he dropped her off at work. She jumped out of the car and slammed the door. At least she hadn’t seemed to pay any attention to traffic today. Her lack of fear was encouraging. Even if her anger at him was using up all her energy.
But by the time he picked her up from work, she’d lost the will to fight. She practically fell into the car. She took her shoes off instantly and began to rub her feet. She was beginning to hate heels.
Work had been just awful today. She’d messed up a proposal and gotten chewed out by her boss. She’d almost been unable to correct it in time. She had also had to type up several other proposals, some of which had errors in them. But when she’d pointed them out to her boss, she’d gotten in trouble again.
Truthfully, she’d been angry with Yunseok because he had hit a nerve. She wasn’t liking her new job any better than her old one. But she’d invested years in this career. She couldn’t just give it up now. Could she?
He took one look at her defeated face and asked softly, “I’d like to take you out to eat tonight. Would that be okay?”
She turned tired eyes towards him. Her heart swelled with his kindness. But she felt like she didn’t deserve it after she’d stomped out of the room this morning.
“You don’t have to. I’m just going to go home and sleep.”
He hid his disappointment. “Rough day?”
His words sparked the tinder of her anger again. “Want me to admit you were right?” she growled.
So he fell silent. They accomplished the remainder of the drive in silence.
He knew what she was doing. Did she?
She was pushing him away. She’d finally found someone right for her. Something good that had nothing to do with her father’s fortune. Someone who loved her for her.
And she was trying to sabotage their blooming relationship. He felt his heart sinking. How could he help her to overcome her insecurities and realize that she was worthy of his love?
He decided to just be as sweet to her as he could imagine being. So when they arrived home, and he noticed she was rubbing her temples, he began to develop a quick plan. She headed for her room and shut the door. At least, she didn’t lock it this time.
He left her alone and stepped into the kitchen to cook. An hour later, he rapped lightly on her door. No response. He opened it a crack and waited. It wasn’t flung back in his face. That was a good sign. He opened it further and found a sleeping Heejin.
And his heart turned over in his chest. She was so beautiful. Especially when she appeared vulnerable. Which she always did when she was asleep. Maybe because she appeared younger then. He could see the little girl in her when her face was relaxed in slumber.
His fingers itched to touch her. He approached her nightstand with the tray of food he’d brought her. He deposited his burden before climbing into her bed. He slid close to her and reached up to slide a lock of hair back behind her ear. That errant tress had fallen across her face. Once it was bound by her ear once more, he leaned against his propped up hand, staring down at her lovely countenance.
Then, abandoning restraint, he bent his head and brushed his lips across her own. She didn’t respond the first time. So he kissed her again. This time her lips moved under his. So he deepened the kiss. She shocked him by opening her mouth to him. He tasted her and realized his error.
He was playing with fire. In her bed. But he found he didn’t want to resist the appeal in her lips. So he continued to ravish her mouth as she gave it fully to him.
She awoke to a pleasant pressure on her mouth. A sweet moisture coaxing her lips to part. Those lips curved in a happy smile even as she responded to that delightful kiss. Then that kiss turned passionate, and her stomach flipped upside down. She had teased him yesterday about taking her to bed. But she knew she really wasn’t ready for such a big step.
That’s when she realized where she was. And who she was with. And what they were doing.
Whoa.
How could she slow this speeding train?
But she was momentarily distracted from her goal by his sweet mouth dancing upon hers. His kiss was so blissful that for a few moments, at least, she forgot her earlier anger and simply surrendered to his embrace. And gave him back as good as she got. As their lips devoured one another, she slipped her arms up around his neck and drew him near. His arms tightened around her.
Then Yuni’s voice breathed in his ear again, “She’ll wish she’d waited for a guy who treasured her enough to wait for her.”
His arms went slack. And he pulled away. Heejin felt bereft. She opened her eyes to look up at him.
He was now sitting on the bed staring off towards her nightstand.
What had just happened?
“I brought you some dinner, Heejin. Are you hungry?”
Yes. For more of you. Come here.
She reached out and found one of his hands. She tugged on it, directing him back towards her.
“Seok,” she whispered.
His heart rolled over. She’d never called him that before. He found it oddly alluring. Appealing. Attractive.
He followed the curve of her lips as she drew him to her. He sank into their softness again as his mouth embraced hers once more. She immediately deepened the kiss, and he clung to her. His lips brushed over hers in an endless embrace of ecstasy for several long moments.
Wildfires were bursting forth in her stomach. She pulled him closer until his chest descended upon her own. She wound her fingers through his hair and let her mouth dance tempestuously with his.
She craved his affection. His approval. She needed to know he wanted her. That she was good enough for him.
But after a little while, he drew away again. This time he didn’t just sit up. He climbed out of her bed. His eyes met hers.
“Do you want your dinner?”
“I want you,” she murmured.
He furrowed his brow. “Do you even know what you’re saying? What you’re implying?”
She nodded her head.
“You want to have sex with me? Right now?”
Shocked, she gasped. “I didn’t mean that!”
“No? Because when you invite a guy into your bed and keep kissing him like that, you’re kind of implying that you want…”
Horrified, she just stared up at him. “I…I just wanted to kiss. I wanted you to hold me. I wanted…” She hung her head as her voice trailed off.
He saw a lone tear begin to crawl slowly down her cheek. Suddenly, he thought of Yunyeong and what had happened to her.
“I’m sorry,” he rushed to correct himself. “I didn’t mean that. I…”
He ran his hand through his hair. He took a deep breath, trying to give himself time to calm down before he said anything more. “I think you don’t understand how attracted to you I am and how you make me feel. How much I want to…”
Her absurd heart rose. Yunseok desired her!
That knowledge thrilled her.
That knowledge terrified her.
She wanted to be wanted, but she didn’t want to…
Their gazes became entangled.
After several breathless beats, he let out a deep sigh. “I think I need to go do the dishes,” he mumbled.
With those words, he spun around and walked out her door. Leaving her, sadly, alone.
—
He didn’t return that night.
Until he heard her scream.
He had been hoping that she was cured. But, apparently, she really did sleep calmly only when she was lying in his arms. He climbed from his bed and headed for her room. But he found the door locked. Both of them.
His heart felt wounded. Like she’d run him through with a sword.
Why had she locked her doors? She didn’t want his comfort anymore?
His heart suddenly cracked open, and something bitter leaked out. He turned towards his room. But he could hear her whimpering. It was so loud. The sound was making him sick to his stomach.
He turned back towards her door. He stepped up to it. He stood at it, his hand on the knob, and he called to her through that closed door.
“Heejin! I’m right here. On the other side of your door. You’ll have to let me in if you want my comfort. You locked me out.”
He could hear her sobbing now. He sighed. Apparently, she couldn’t hear him. He leaned his forehead against the door. As several tears began to flow down his cheeks. Her pain was audible. Palpable. Even through the closed door. And he understood it so well. He felt it. All of it. Deep down in his core.
But she was pushing him away.
Why? Was she afraid of him? Was she embarrassed by what he’d admitted to her today?
Why had she locked him out?
Should he break the door down?
