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Chapter 6: You Before Me – June 11, 2019

Namjoon walked to Tae’s room with a bowl of soup in his hands.  He knocked gently on the door before opening it.  He found Tae sound asleep on top of his covers.  His breathing was labored, and his midnight eyelashes were soaked with tears, making them appear even darker.  Namjoon’s heart sighed. 

Why had Tae been crying? 

Namjoon walked over to the bed and set the bowl of soup down on the nightstand.  Tae appeared to be shivering.  Namjoon attempted to shift his brother’s body so that he could pull the covers up over him.  But he quickly discovered that Tae wasn’t as easy to move as he had been as a tiny child.  Namjoon was still trying to pull the covers out from underneath Tae’s body when his little brother woke up.  Tae stirred slightly.

“Joon?”

Still leaning over his brother, Namjoon looked down at him.  Tae hadn’t used that nickname for years.

“What is it, Tae?”

“I’m cold…can you get me another blanket?”

“First, I would suggest you get under your covers.  You’re cold because you’re lying on top of them.” 

He fell silent for a moment then.  Tae’s voice had unearthed another memory. 

“Juju…I colb…I neeb snubbles…”

Hugging his blanket against his chest, four-year-old Tae wandered through Namjoon’s bedroom door.  Namjoon sat up, looking down at the small boy who was now standing next to his bed.

“All right, come here.”  Namjoon held his arms out to Tae.

Shivering, Tae crawled up into the bed with Namjoon, and he pulled his little brother into his arms.

“Tae, are you okay?”

“I not feel goob, Juju…” Tae leaned his head against Namjoon’s chest.

Namjoon gently placed his hand on Tae’s forehead.  He was very warm.

“Ah.  You have a fever.  Should I go get Eomma?”

“N-No…Appa yell at me for going in there…I stay here…”

Namjoon nodded.  “All right.”

He was suddenly brought back to the present moment as Tae muttered, “Joon?”

“Hey, I brought you a bowl of hot soup.  Can you sit up and eat it?  It’ll warm you up.  I’ll get you another blanket too.” 

As Namjoon turned for the door, Tae spoke again.  “Is Eunji still here?”

“She left an hour ago.  I called Yoongi to come pick her up.”

“Oh.”  Tae struggled to sit up.  Then he reached for his soup.  But as he glanced back at Namjoon, he disturbed an odd expression on his face.  “Joon.  What is it?”

Namjoon relaxed his face.  “Tae, how do you really feel about Eunji?”

But his question went unanswered that night.  Tae began to choke on the bite of soup he’d just taken.  He seemed to struggle to breathe for several moments.  Even when Namjoon pounded on his back.  When Tae had finally established a normal breathing pattern once more, he excused himself and headed for the bathroom.  Where he seemed to be in hiding.  He was still in there when Namjoon returned with the blanket.  After several minutes, Namjoon gave up and headed for his room.  The next time he checked on Tae, Namjoon found his brother sleeping, an empty bowl on the nightstand next to him.

—

Eunji lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling.  Tae thought of her as his sister…and Namjoon was now stuck with her.  Did he love someone else?  Was he nursing a broken heart too? 

She sighed heavily.  Why had fate been so cruel to her? 

She rolled over onto her side, squishing her cheek against the pillow.  She blinked, and tears started to streak down her face. 

She wished she had never told Tae how she felt.  She had ruined a perfect friendship.  Now she wouldn’t have Tae in any capacity.  Except…as a distant brother-in-law.  He was completely lost to her. 

She wished he could just be her best friend again.  The one that had movie nights with her and threw popcorn in her face.  The one that tossed her into the pool when they had pool parties.  The one who had once learned how to braid her hair.  Just to help her when she couldn’t figure out how to French braid it herself.  No matter how many times she tried. 

Where did that third strand come from?  She was still trying to figure it out.  But it had come easily to Tae.  Because he loved her?  Like a sister, apparently!  Argh!  Who would French braid her hair now?

She turned her face into her pillow and sobbed.  For all she had lost.  And all she would never have.  She wept until she fell asleep.