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Chapter 7: A Breath of Fresh Air – June 12, 2019

Tae stared out his window.  He’d mostly recovered from his cold and was still depressed from the happenings of two nights ago.  How was Eunji?  Did she miss him?  Or was she already over him?  

He drew a deep breath.  He needed a distraction.  He then remembered the lake he had always skipped rocks at when he was younger.  He decided that was his only safe haven now.  He grabbed his hoodie off the back of his chair and ran downstairs, pulling the sweatshirt over his head as he went.  The rainstorm had introduced cool weather along the coast.   He didn’t want to catch a chill.  But he needed to get out of this house.  Now.

—

Eunji stared out the window.  She was thinking about the first time she’d ever seen Namjoon and Tae.  They had been standing near their mother’s casket.  She had attended the funeral with her appa.  Six months after enduring the loss of her own eomma. 

When their mother’s service had come to an end, and most everyone had wandered out to their vehicles to head to the cemetery, Eunji had hung back as her understanding eyes had traced the forms of the two older boys.  So she hadn’t missed what everyone else had. 

Tae had suddenly fallen onto his knees in front of that casket and leaned his head against it as the heartrending cry of an abandoned adolescent had spiraled up out of his mouth, “Nooo!  Eomma!  Come back!”

He had echoed her own heart’s sentiments.  Eunji had felt her heart rend in two in that painful moment.  And it had instantly fastened itself to Tae’s broken heart.  She had loved him ever since.  But, now, as she recalled that horrid day, it wasn’t Tae whose face she fixated upon.  It was Namjoon. 

She remembered that he had stood, frozen, for the longest time as his brother knelt, weeping, before the casket.  Then, slowly, as Eunji had observed Namjoon over several long minutes, a lone tear had appeared at the top of his cheek.  As it traced its lonely way down his skin, one tear after another had begun to slide down his face.  Then, suddenly, she’d heard a heartrending sob escape his lips, and he had crumpled to the ground next to his brother.  Eunji had wanted to run to him in that moment and comfort him.  But she hadn’t had the slightest idea how to accomplish this desire.  No one had comforted her after her own mother’s death. 

She had stood that day staring at that distraught boy as a multitude of new feelings had coursed through her soul.  Namjoon was clearly the quieter of the two brothers.  And more self-restrained.  He had fought valiantly to hold back the tides of his grief.  Watching him finally bow to them had made her want to run to him and tell him that it was okay to feel, that it was all right to let his feelings show.

But she had held herself back.  She, too, had been frozen on the edge of that moment.  Only Tae had ever been able to thaw her heart.  He had been the one who’d returned her to the land of the living after her own loss.  But…had anyone ever done that for Namjoon?

—

Tae sat at the edge of the dock on the lake as he skipped rocks across the water.  He hadn’t talked to Eunji since the night they had dinner, and it was weighing on him.  He missed her, but he didn’t know what to do about it.  He knew it would be awkward to talk to her now.  When she confessed her love to him, she had forever changed the dynamic of their relationship. 

He sat staring at the lake as another one of his rocks plummeted below the surface of the water only a few feet from the dock.  He huffed angrily.

“Hey, cutie, your rocks keep coming up short.  You need some help?”

Tae spun around, peering up to see a girl standing behind him.  He looked her up and down before shooting her an annoyed look.

“Sorry.  I – I wasn’t trying to flirt.  It just slipped out…”  Her voice wavered suddenly as she turned to leave.  Rejected once again.

Tae sighed and sobered a bit at her dejected expression.  “It’s all right.  I’m just not in the best mood right now.”  He looked back at the lake.

The girl turned back towards him and walked across the pier to sit down next to him, swinging her legs out as she plopped onto the edge of the dock.  “May I ask what’s wrong?”

Tae looked over at her, this time noticing how pretty she was.  Her skin was lightly tanned, making her deep green eyes stand out.  Her long, dark, golden-brown hair fell around her face in waves, and her bangs fell across the right third of her face, hiding most of her chocolate eyebrow from view.  Her nose curved slightly at the tip before rounding downward towards the divot just above her plump, dark pink lips.  Those lips looked so kissable… 

Would they take his pain away? 

The beautiful boy was staring at her like he was going to devour her.  His eyes had slid along her hair before slipping down her nose to land squarely on her lips.  His gaze seemed fixated on her mouth right now.  He was staring at her so intensely that she felt her stomach flip over.

He blinked as the girl waved her hand in front of his face.

“Um…are you okay?”

“Uh…”

The girl watched as his eyes returned to her lips.  

“What’s your name?” she asked, desperate to distract his gaze from her lips.

“I’m Tae,” he replied.

“I’m Yunseong.”

“Yunseong…that’s a pretty name…” He seemed to be in a daze.  He was staring at her lips again.

Now she was beginning to feel really self-conscious.  “Is there something on my mouth?”  She reached up and scrubbed the back of her hand across her lips.

“Hmm?”  He met her eyes.  “No.  I was just noticing that you have very pretty lips.”  His eyes brushed her mouth once again.  “They look so soft…”

Yunseong blushed.  Was he already thinking about kissing her?  They had just met a few moments ago! 

She felt like fleeing.  And even considered it.  But then, she noticed the sadness in his eyes.  What had broken his heart?  Was he looking for comfort?  Maybe he thought her kiss would rob the pain from his soul. 

Her eyes then traveled down to his lips.  They were so smooth.  And they appeared soft.  What would they feel like against her own? 

She sat up straight.  Why was she thinking such thoughts?! 

But as she gazed into his countenance, and their eyes met again, she couldn’t deny that something sympathetic shifted between them.  She began to wonder if she would derive some comfort of her own from those smooth lips of his.  After all, he wasn’t the only one who had had his heart broken.

She tore her eyes away from those beguiling lips to stare out at the water.  Then she lifted her gaze to focus her thoughts on the sky.  That blue dome was now a canvas of color.  Lilac, rose, gold.  Their hues blended together softly.  Creating an atmosphere of peace.

Once more, she thought about kissing the boy next to her.  This sky would make it so romantic… 

But they had just met.  It made no sense for them to kiss.  However, she felt a finger tenderly touch the bottom of her chin just then.  It pulled her head gently until her eyes locked with his again.  Something powerful was flowing out of that fingertip caressing her skin.  Her eyes grew wide as her heart began to race.  

His captivating eyes met hers, and the feelings stirring inside her soul increased.  She was being overwhelmed by an odd desire.  And those ardent eyes seemed to draw her into them.  She felt powerless to avert her gaze. 

A moment later, he released hers, though, as his disruptive gaze settled on her lips once more.  And her heartrate increased its erratic speed.  Then, after slowly traversing her face with his intense gaze, his eyes bumped into hers again.  His own were two deep, chocolate pools beckoning her to lose herself in them.

“May I?” he murmured.

She gave in, not even responding to his question.  Closing her eyes at the very last moment, she leaned towards him and went straight for his lips.  And discovered she was right.  They were very soft.  They were sweet to the taste too.  Was that even possible?  

She felt his arms slip around her waist, and she took that as an invitation to wrap hers around his neck.  She drew him closer to her.  A minute passed, their lips still locked.  Yunseong pulled away to breathe some air, leaving Tae dazed and quite satisfied.

“Wow…you’re a good kisser…” he breathed.

“I am?”  Yunseong blushed.  “I don’t know why.  I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“Really?” Tae asked, surprised.

Yunseong nodded her head.

“Hmm…so I was your first kiss?”  

The vibration of his voice was giving her chills as was his hand on her lower back.  His thumb was tracing a line to and fro across the thin fabric covering her skin.  She shivered from the explosion of minuscule darts that simple touch was releasing into her core.

He pulled her close to him again.  His eyes traced her pouty, pink lips.  Was it just his imagination, or had his kiss caused even them to blush? 

“Can I be your second kiss too?” he purred in his deep voice. 

Its rich timbre, along with that mesmerizing thumb on her back, was enticing her to surrender her mouth to his again. 

She smiled.  “I suppose.”  She leaned towards him and lifted her face until their lips collided once more.  Softly.

For a few blissful minutes, Tae felt like he could breathe again.  He had, in fact, just discovered a breath of fresh air.

—

Namjoon had taken Tae to dinner.  They were now sitting across from each other at a table.  Tae didn’t seem pleased with this arrangement.  Namjoon wasn’t sure why.  Tae had just been skipping rocks at the lake when he had called him. 

Tae stared at Namjoon and wondered why he’d dragged him to dinner.  His older brother decided to break the silence.

“Tae, I couldn’t help but notice that you ignored Eunji when she stopped by earlier today.  I don’t want to see you avoiding each other.  The two of you have been close friends forever.”

Tae looked up at him sharply.  Then his expression softened.  “I don’t…know how to handle it.”

“What do you mean?”

Ignoring Namjoon’s sharp gaze, Tae looked out the window.

“I wasn’t going to tell you…but…I like her too, Namjoon.  I didn’t want to mess things up for you.”   He turned back to his brother.  “You’ve sacrificed so much for me; it was time to return the favor.”

“What?” Namjoon’s eyebrows flew north.  “You’re in love with Eunji?” 

His heart sank.  Tae had just confirmed his fears.  They had both fallen in love with the same woman.  It was impossible that one of them would not be hurt now.  He had no desire to injure his little brother.  The boy he had spent his whole life protecting.  How ironic that Tae was experiencing one of life’s greatest pains because of Namjoon, his staunchest defender.   

“Why did you lie to her?” Namjoon queried, trying to sift Tae’s heart.

“Because she doesn’t love me the way she thinks she does.  It’s puppy love.  It’s a crush.  She just likes the thought of me.  She likes my mask.  She doesn’t know the real me.  If she knew him, she wouldn’t love me.”

“Stop acting like you’re the villain in a superhero movie.  Secretly hiding evil motives.  You’re not.  The side she sees is the real you.  You’ve always been yourself around her.  You’re her best friend.  You make her happy.  She makes you happy.  I’ve seen it.  Recently.”

Tae tilted his head to the side as he narrowed his eyes at his brother.  “Why do you always talk about me like I’m some paragon of virtue?  I’m not.  It’s why I look up to you…because…you’re much better than me…”

“Tae…”  This was the first time Namjoon had been at a loss for words.  He stared off into space as another memory surfaced.

It had been two weeks since their mother’s death.  Unable to sleep, Namjoon had spent half the night tossing and turning in bed.  In the dark of that lonely night, he heard his door open.

“Joonie…”

Namjoon went still.  A moment later, he saw a dark outline above him.

“Juju…are you awake…?”

Namjoon knew something was wrong.  Tae hadn’t used that nickname in years.  He sat up, surprising his brother.

“I’m up.  What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

“I had a nightmare.  I didn’t know who to go to…since Eomma’s not here.  Can I sleep in here tonight?”

Namjoon sighed and scooted over, patting the bed beside him.  Tae instantly jumped into bed, pulling the covers tightly around himself.

“What happened in the dream?”

Tae shook his head quickly.  He didn’t want to talk about it.

“All right.  Why didn’t you go to Appa?”

“He would’ve told me it was stupid and that I should go back to bed.”

Namjoon sighed.  Their father had changed a lot in the past couple weeks.  Namjoon had never before believed their mother had had much impact on their father, but now that Namjoon had witnessed the extent to which their appa had changed since her death, he wondered if he had missed something.  Their appa hadn’t ever been the best of fathers, but after her death, he’d become worse.  Unbending.  Unfeeling.  Which wasn’t good for either of them.  But, especially, not for tender Tae.

Namjoon was recalled to the present moment as Tae coughed.  Namjoon blinked and saw his little brother still staring out the window.  Tae turned towards him.  Namjoon felt at a loss.  Both he and his cherished younger brother were in love with the same glorious girl.

“What are we going to do?” Namjoon queried.

“You’re going to marry Eunji.  Appa is counting on you.”

“But you could marry her and achieve the same thing.”  Namjoon couldn’t believe such selfless words had flowed across his lips.

Tae shook his head.  “I’m not ready to get married.  Besides, I’ve seen the way you look at her…”

Namjoon stared at him.  “I could say the same thing to you.”

Tae’s intense eyes probed his.  “I can’t steal your dream, Joon.  You’ve been in love with her for years.”

Namjoon’s gaze sharpened on him.  How had Tae known that?

“You knew?” Namjoon gasped.

“I saw you two,” Tae whispered.  “The night before you headed to college.”  His eyes shifted to stare out the window.

Tae had witnessed that?  Speechless, Namjoon studied his expression over the next few moments.  It ranged from a sad smile to a pained frown.  When his gaze finally captured Namjoon’s once more, tears began to spill down his face.  Then Tae spoke softly.

 “Why did I have to fall in love with her too?”