Chapter 4: Your Eyes Promise – December 26 – 27, 2021
Heejin grinned when she entered her new room for the first time. Yunseok, Jungkook, and Tae had moved all her furniture in. Which was to say, a bed. But as she walked across her room, she noticed a nightstand to the left of that bed. Where had it come from?
She laughed as she noticed the basket on that little table. Nestled into the top was a can of pepper spray. It had a sticky note attached to it that read, “The door to your bedroom locks too.”
She pulled the pepper spray out and stuck it under her pillow. Perhaps she’d take his implied directive and prepare for a night invasion.
But it was weird. It was almost as if he’d read her mind.
Was she nuts for moving in with a guy she didn’t know?
No. She had the feeling this apartment would be safer than her own home.
However, her appa thought she was crazy. Her eomma too. They’d had a big fight. Heejin had finally confronted him. She wasn’t sure how she’d found the courage. Had Yunseok had more of an effect on her than she had realized?
“Appa, it’s very clear to me that you don’t want me around. Not here at home. Not in your company. I’ve applied for a job elsewhere. I was hired today. I’m turning in my two-week notice tomorrow.”
She had expected him to explode, but he had surprised her by simply raising his voice and furrowing his brow. He had thundered at her, “What? You’re leaving your job? Why?”
“Because I hate my job! I’m not doing what I went to school for. I spent four years of my life sowing into my dream job. And this one isn’t even close to it!”
“It takes time to move up the corporate ladder,” he’d responded irritably.
“Apparently, only if you’re me,” she retorted. “I’ve watched plenty of people around me climb higher than me in a shorter period of time.”
“Maybe they’re more qualified than you. Or harder working.”
“And that right there is precisely why I’m gone,” she mumbled.
“Excuse me?” he demanded.
“I have worked my butt off for you, Appa! Trying to please you. Trying to rise high enough to help you. I have big dreams which you’ve never supported. You expect me to marry and pop out babies. But I want to rule the corporate world too.
“And I’ve come to work an hour early every day for a whole year. Longer than that, actually. And I’ve stayed late almost every night. I’ve given a hundred and ten percent to my job. I’ve earned glowing reviews from all my bosses. Yet. I haven’t even been given a raise. Let alone a promotion. Meanwhile, I watched the guy who spent every afternoon chatting with his girlfriend and playing video games get the job I applied for.
“Then I thought maybe I just hadn’t applied for the right job, so I applied for them all. Whether they were a step up or on the same level. The people leading my interviews all seemed to adore me. I had an answer for every question they threw at me. They assured me I was definitely in the running. Yet none of them – not a single one – offered me the job. And I applied for twenty different positions!
“It is very clear to me that you have suppressed every one of my ambitions. It was made abundantly clear today when I beat out a thousand candidates for the job I applied for with the other company. It comes with more responsibility and a twenty percent pay raise. They saw the gold in me. Even if you couldn’t.”
“You’re pretty ungrateful, you know that? Look at all I’ve done for you. Sending you to Seoul to study. Throwing that ball for you last spring. You didn’t even get a husband out of it. So I found you one myself, yet you rejected him. Still, I kept buying you whatever clothes you wanted. Paying for your parties with your friends. I showered you with gifts. Including that new car.”
“You mean, the one that keeps breaking down? It’s hardly a new car, Appa.”
Furious, he snapped, “It was a new car! You’re driving it into the ground. Ruining it. Just like everything else you touch. Why on earth would you think I would want you to run my company? So you could destroy it?”
Her face had crumpled, and she had run from the room, tossing the words over her shoulder, “Don’t worry, Appa! I’m not going to be your problem anymore!”
She’d run to her room and packed her bags. All of them. She’d packed up every little thing in her room. She was moving out today. She hoped Yunseok was ready for her.
Her eomma hadn’t even said goodbye to her. Neither had her appa. As far as they were concerned, she was already gone.
After that conversation, this apartment felt like a refuge. And Yunseok felt like her best friend.
He had welcomed her with open arms when she’d shown up on his doorstep a little while later.
“Is your car available now?” she’d asked.
“What?”
“Can I move in with you tonight?”
He’d been stunned. But then a huge grin had broken his face in half. “Absolutely! You need me to go with you to get your stuff?”
She’d nodded. “It’s just clothes and stuff. I have no furniture.”
So they’d gone to a store to pick out a bed together. She’d insisted on paying for it with her own money. But, apparently, Yunseok had bought her a nightstand. Upon which he had left a basket of all her favorite goodies. And an assurance that she could trust him.
Now she was well-armed with a can of pepper spray. And she could always resort to locking her bedroom door too. And placing a chair under the knob. If she ever got a chair.
But Yunseok wasn’t the one that felt like a threat. Not today. Not after the argument she’d had with her appa.
She peeked down at the basket. Then she began to rifle through it. On the top was another sticky note. It said, “Welcome Home, Heejin! Love, Yunseok.”
Love?
Hmm.
Inside the basket was an assortment of snacks and boxed drinks. And chocolate. A lot of chocolate. In the form of chocolate chips. Someone had been paying attention. There was also a roll of toilet paper and a toothbrush and toothpaste. She chuckled. Was he afraid she’d forgotten hers?
This guy was so sweet.
Moving in with him definitely didn’t feel like a mistake today. He’d given her a safe place to go. She knew she’d always be grateful to him for that. But, if she were honest, she was hoping for more…
—
He awoke to a scream. And sat straight up in bed. He sat motionless. Listening. Now he heard someone whimpering. He climbed out of bed. And headed for his doorway. Clad in his sweats.
It was his first night living with Heejin. Sharing an apartment. She’d moved in this morning.
He crossed his room and stepped into the hallway. A few more steps, and he was at her doorway. She’d left her door open too. He tiptoed into her room. Instantly, he heard her sobbing.
“No,” she whispered. “Minyeon. No.”
More sobs. Then, an odd keening that raised the hairs on the nape of his neck.
That decided him.
He walked quickly to the side of her bed that she wasn’t sleeping on. And he climbed into her bed. He slid across the sheets. And reached out. Until he found her shoulder.
“Heejin, wake up. Heejin,” he spoke in a velvety soft voice in an attempt to soothe her.
She moaned.
“Heejin, wake up. It’s just a bad dream. I’m here. It’s Yunseok. You’re okay.”
—
Her eyes popped open.
A deep voice had reached out to her in the blackness of that nightmare. She’d been alone in that car with her dead friend. Weeping. When a soothing tone had surrounded her. And she was no longer alone.
That had never happened before.
She lay perfectly still.
Then the voice sounded again.
“Heejin, I’m here. It’s Yunseok. You’re okay,” his soothing voice rolled over her as it poured straight into her ear.
Then the fingers of the hand on her shoulder began to caress her skin. And she realized he was in bed with her. She turned towards him suddenly as she rolled onto her side.
“Yunseok?” She hadn’t meant to sob his name, but she was so relieved not to be alone in the dark that it just slipped between her lips.
“Yes. I’m here. Can I – can I hold you?”
She didn’t wait for another invitation or even one more word. She rolled the rest of the way towards him until her head was pillowed against his chest. Her arm slipped around his waist as his embraced her, hugging her close to him.
She closed her eyes as several tears slid down her cheeks. She had always been alone in the dark. But not tonight. Tonight a light had crawled into bed with her. And that light was holding her close to the center of his heat.
A few moments ago, she’d been shaking with cold. She’d worn a tank top to bed in the middle of winter. But she was pretty sure it had been the ice rising up from the inside of her soul that had chilled her. Now she was enveloped by Yunseok’s warmth. His warm chest. And his warm arms. His warm soul. And his warm heart. Now his warm breath stirred her hair and comforted her soul.
She snuggled even closer to him. “Thank you, Yunseok, for not leaving me alone in the dark.”
His arms tightened about her, and she had the impression that he was sliding his nose along the top of her head. Then, he suddenly dropped a kiss on her forehead.
And she melted.
Could she please just stay here forever? In the circle of his arms. Within the circumference of his heart.
He felt so strong. Warm. Soothing.
Then that warm voice wrapped around her again and drew her even closer.
“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
She closed her eyes as another tear rolled down her cheek. From this place of safety, she slipped off to sleep once more.
—
Yunseok awoke to a bright sun peeking through closed shades. But he wouldn’t get used to it. This wasn’t his room; his room had no window.
Even before he opened his eyes, he was conscious of her. Aware of her deep and even breathing. The warm length of her pressed up against his side. Her hand on his chest; her arm bent across his abdomen. Her hair tickling his chin. Her breath flowing across his throat. He wanted to wake up to this every day.
Maybe someday he would.
For now he was just going to inhale her scent and revel in the feel of her in his arms. He bent his head to bury his nose in her hair. She smelled like citrus…tangerines. He grinned. He’d always loved tangerines. Even now he could feel the juice of a ripe one dripping down his chin. While its tangy sweetness exploded on his tongue.
Yes, he could definitely do this for the rest of his life.
He was suddenly seized by such a burning desire to kiss her that he had to dig his nails into his hand to break the mental image he was indulging in. Instantly, he remembered his sister’s vulnerable face as she’d finished their conversation of a few weeks ago.
“Seokie, sex is no joke. Please don’t toy with that girl. Especially if she’s been hurt. Don’t lead her down a path that will cause her more pain. I know you think you’re tough, and that you can resist anything, but in the heat of the moment, it becomes difficult.
“But giving in carries a pretty heavy price. Even if it doesn’t affect you, it will affect her. She’ll wish she’d waited for a guy who treasured her enough to wait for her. For a guy who was willing to pledge his whole life – and not just one night – to her.”
“Yuni, do you really think that I would sleep with her and then leave her?”
“I don’t think you would intend to. No. But what if you rush into something complicated, and then you discover that you are totally incompatible in the things that really matter? What if you decide you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with her? Then you will both get hurt. You’ll have left a piece of yourself with her that you can’t get back. And she’ll have done the same with you.
“Just…please, be careful. I know sex is especially tempting for guys. But there’s so much more to it than just a physical act. It carries deep emotional repercussions.”
He had just stared at her. She would know. She bore scars he couldn’t even imagine. Wounds he didn’t even want to be made aware of. He had no desire to comprehend what she’d been through. It was just too awful. That a man could do that to a girl. Use the part of himself that had been designed to tenderly love a woman as a weapon to hurt her instead. While he himself took great pleasure out of the experience.
It made Yunseok want to puke. He would never do such a thing! And Yuni didn’t believe he would.
But she understood the depths of a girl’s heart. All the dreams she’d woven since childhood. Around the future. Around a man cherishing her. And taking her gently to his bed. But those dreams had been ripped asunder by a selfish brute who had used her only for his own satisfaction. And completely against her will.
Now a tear stole silently down his cheek, the early morning sunlight glistening in the track it left there.
—
She awoke in his arms. Not alone. She had only once before awoken to someone else in her bed. But, unlike that disturbing night, this man was welcome in her bed.
Her first sensation was that of a warm, soft yet firm surface under her cheek. A similar surface under her fingers. She wanted to sink deeper into that warmth. It smelled good too. Like the ocean on a summer’s day. Bright and breezy and fresh. She inhaled deeply as she tried to place that scent. But it eluded her. As did the surface she lay upon.
So she cracked open one eye and was instantly dazzled by sunlight. As her eye adjusted to that brilliance, the soft surface under her face suddenly shifted slightly. Her other eye flew open as she lifted her head. And gaped at Yunseok. Who was smiling down at her so tenderly she felt her stomach flip over.
She was in bed with him! Her first night at his apartment. Her stomach then violently revolted as she grappled with her mind. With her memories. Her dreams. Trying to recall the events of the last few hours.
Standing in his doorway asking him to help her move. Mattress shopping. Pepper spray. Chocolate chips. Pizza but no movie. They’d just talked. Then they’d gone to bed. Separately.
She hadn’t shut her door. Nor locked it. Nor put a chair up under the knob. Had that been a mistake? Had something irrevocable happened between them last night?
When had he come into her room? What had they done together?
But no matter how she tried, she couldn’t remember a single kiss. Or touch. Certainly not any searing pain.
She completed a quick mental checklist of all her various parts. Nothing was sore. Or slick. Or…anything. She felt only…comfort.
She sealed her eyes shut.
“Why are you in my bed?” she whispered, hiding from him behind her eyelids.
He could hear her distress.
“You don’t remember?”
“Remember what?”
“In the middle of the night, you had a horrible nightmare. You were wailing. You screamed, and I came running in here. To make sure you were okay. But I…I wanted to comfort you. So I offered to hold you. You rolled into my arms and fell almost instantly back to sleep. Then I did too.”
“So, we didn’t…do anything?”
He could hear the fragility in her voice. The fear.
And Yunyeong’s words resounded in his head.
“Not a single thing. I just held you in my arms all night.”
He could feel her sigh of relief. Not just hear it. The odd thing was…it felt like it originated with him. Like her heart was one with his. And what relieved her relieved him. What touched her moved him.
“I meant it, Heejin.”
“What?”
“I won’t hurt you. Ever. You’re safe with me.”
“When did you say that?”
“With my eyes.”
Silence.
“Every single time I look at you.”
—
That was when she looked up into those eyes again. And lost herself in their caress. In their promises. Yunseok had such speaking eyes. Beautiful eyes. That matched his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, she wanted to kiss him. To draw near to his face and hold his mouth with her own. To meld mouths with him. To intertwine their lips. And never let him go.
Would it be different than the innocent kisses she and Hobi had shared?
She’d never tasted a man’s passion for her. Hobi hadn’t been in love with her. Now she was a little sad that she hadn’t saved her first kiss for someone who loved her. It hadn’t seemed like a big deal at the time. Now it did.
“Have you ever kissed anyone?” she whispered out of the blue.
His eyes widened in shock. Was she thinking about kissing him?
He grinned inwardly but kept his lips sober. “Mmhmm.”
But he couldn’t help the way his eyes traveled to her mouth.
She noticed the way those beautiful eyes were caressing her lips. Her heart began to beat faster.
“Just one person? Or lots?”
“A few.”
Her eyes collided with his. “You’ve kissed a few different girls?”
He nodded.
“How many girlfriends have you had?” she asked, genuinely surprised.
“Three.”
Why did her heart sink?
Hobi had been her only boyfriend. But he really hadn’t been her boyfriend now, had he?
But Yunseok had had three girlfriends? And he was a couple years younger than she was.
Why was she disappointed?
He could feel her drawing away, so he spoke.
“None of them were serious. I’ve never had a super amazing kiss. Or anything very…complicated.” He pulled a term out of Yuni’s book as his eyes slid along Heejin’s lips.
Giving her chills.
Her eyes met his. She swallowed. “You haven’t?”
He moved his head to the right. Then, slowly to the left. “What about you? Any guy ever rocked your world?”
“I thought so once. But it turned out he just couldn’t give up his former love. But I should have known. Our kisses were always…flat.”
As he stared at her, Yunseok was fairly positive their kiss would be anything but flat. He decided to test the waters a bit. Even as Yunyeong’s warning continued to sound in his ears. It wasn’t a big deal. Just a tiny touch.
He took the tip of his index finger and slid it down Heejin’s arm lightly. And watched in wonder as a violent tremor overtook her. Her eyes fluttered shut. So he did it again. This time an adorable smile lit up her face. As her whole countenance relaxed. Her pleasure was doing odd things to him. He shifted uncomfortably. Even as he continued to stroke her arm with his fingertip. And she continued to be delighted.
They lay for several long moments like that. Yunseok debating taking the next step with her. He now understood Yuni’s warning. Lying in bed with a beautiful girl was dangerous. He’d never done this with any of his three girlfriends. Yet, he was doing it now with a girl he barely knew.
A beautiful girl he hadn’t been able to get out of his head. A vulnerable girl who had been hurt by tragedy. And by her appa’s indifference and her eomma’s neglect.
You better be serious about this girl and not just leading her down the garden path. Don’t break her heart, Yunseok. She’s too fragile. She’s too precious. Too easy to shatter.
His finger stilled on her skin. He had to get out of this bed. Right now. Yuni had been right to warn him about the power of his own desires. It wasn’t that he couldn’t control them. It was that he was losing his will to. But she’d also been correct about the importance of him treating Heejin right.
Disappointed, she opened her eyes. His fingertip was on fire and had been doing the most delightful things to her skin. She was seriously considering kissing him now. She felt drawn to his lips by some invisible force that was also stroking her belly. Creating a flame there that might not be easily put out.
But then he stopped. And she felt something shift in him.
She frowned up at him. “Why did you stop?” she whispered daringly.
His eyes opened and collided with her own. They both felt the sparks flying. He swallowed. “I know a girl who got hurt once…in a bed with a guy.”
Her heart shifted violently in her chest. Something about the ache in his eyes.
“You love this girl.”
He nodded. “Very much.”
Ahhh.
She should have known it. He was already in love with someone else. Wasn’t that always the way it was? But…why had he been so nice to her? So protective of her?
Heejin had thought he might be falling in love with her. Or was at least quite attracted to her. But, apparently, he had room in his heart for only a friend. Her feelings were all only one-sided. Again.
She had majorly misunderstood something. Perhaps he couldn’t feel the fires he’d caused to spring up under his wandering fingertip. He’d been just absentmindedly stroking her. She sighed with disappointment. As she recalled the delicious sensations that flirting fingertip had stirred under her skin. And in her belly.
He had said he liked her. Maybe the girl he loved was lost to him as Hobi had been to her. So he was willing to settle for second best. Heejin sighed. She just couldn’t go through that again.
She’d been willing to be second best in Hobi’s life. Until the day she’d seen him looking at Minsu. Then, something had broken inside her. And she had realized that she wanted a man to look at her that way. And Hobi clearly never would. So she had worked to give Minsu what Heejin herself had yet to experience. A fairy-tale ending with a man who was passionate about her. Yet in the sweetest way possible.
Heejin was a fool. To think this cool man lying in her bed was the one. Just because he’d been so nice to her.
I have my reasons.
She’d thought maybe he was secretly in love with her by some crazy miracle. But now she decided that he’d just adopted her as his project. She was a girl who needed protection. And he was, perhaps, the type who couldn’t ignore a damsel in distress.
Here she’d been hoping she was irresistible. She scoffed. She should have known better. She couldn’t even attract her own appa’s attention. Not in a positive way anyway. She also couldn’t remember her eomma ever even giving her a hug. She’d simply handed little Heejin off to the nanny and let her deal with the tiny girl.
What was wrong with her? That no one wanted to hold her? To treasure her?
Well, one thing was for sure. She wasn’t going to lose her heart to Yunseok. That would be just plain stupid. She’d learned her lesson with Hobi. Hadn’t she?
She was never going to put herself through that kind of pain again. Not if she could help it.
So she pulled away from him and climbed from her bed.
“I’m hungry,” she announced airily before heading for her bathroom.
For his part, Yunseok continued to lie in her bed. As he wondered what had just happened. He’d felt her sudden withdrawal from him. And seen disappointment birthed in her gaze. It had been chased by a sharp yearning, a tender ache for something. It had pulled at his heartstrings. Even now they seemed to be playing a haunting song. One that would keep him up each night nursing longings of his own.
