Chapter 6: Your Eyes Speak – December 27, 2021 – January 10, 2022
Over the next few days, Yunseok and Heejin fell into a friendly pattern of eating breakfast together before he drove her to work. He would pick her up in the evenings before they headed home to cook dinner together. They would eat and chat about unimportant things. The latest gossip at work. Their job projects. Or silly things.
But something had changed. And he didn’t like it. He felt like her smile was plastic. Her laugh forced. Something painful shouted from her eyes every time they collided with his own. The something special that had shifted between them the first two times they’d met seemed to be missing now. And he wasn’t sure how to get it back.
—
Another scream pierced the darkness. Yunseok sat bolt upright in his bed. He hadn’t even been asleep. He’d been waiting for that sound.
He jumped up and ran to her. He dove into her bed and reached out to tenderly touch her shoulder.
She’d become accustomed to that deep voice leading her out of the darkness of her nightmares. So now when she was in the midst of one, and she felt like she was drowning, she looked for him. When his sound didn’t wrap around her, she screamed. It seemed that her cry for help always brought him running to her. Tonight was no different.
Suddenly, she was engulfed by those strong arms. By the comforting pitch of that deep voice. It stirred the violent waters of her soul into something calmer. She pillowed her head against that warm chest – the one that housed an even warmer heart – and fell safely to sleep again. She never seemed to have a nightmare when she was wrapped in his arms.
—
She just wanted someone to hold her. To tell her that life was beautiful when she was in his arms. But it was, apparently, too much to ask. Even her own appa had never felt such affinity for her. Not even the woman whose womb had cradled her had ever shown her any preference. And her brother…Heejin shuddered.
Heejin stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared at herself. Looking for her fatal flaw. The reason her own parents had shoved her into a corner and forgotten her there. The reason Hobi hadn’t been able to love her. Even when he was nursing his own broken heart. Shouldn’t his own rejection have made him sensitive to hers?
But it hadn’t.
Clearly, something was wrong with her.
Over the last two weeks, she had pulled away from Yunseok. During the daylight hours. But her feelings of isolation and rejection worsened her nightmares. He slid into her bed each night as she screamed him awake. He was always there to pull her into his arms. He seemed bent on rescuing her from the evil world of her dreams. If only such devotion were alive in his heart when the sun was shining.
—
That night as she stood up to head to bed, Yunseok stopped her with his voice.
“Heejin?”
She turned back towards him. “Hmm?”
“You can say no, but…” His eyes found hers, and she felt something explode inside of her at the caress of his gaze. “Would you…would you let me sleep in your bed tonight?” He rushed ahead, “Every night you awake screaming, but you sleep soundly, peacefully, when I’m holding you. Can we see if the nightmares will disappear if we start out the night with me holding you?”
He needed some sleep. He was exhausted. He couldn’t fall asleep now unless she was safely locked in his arms. He always lay, on edge, in the midst of his bed, waiting for her cry for help. He couldn’t relax until he’d slid between her sheets and reached for her.
She swallowed as an odd ache erupted from her heart.
“I keep hoping the nightmares will disappear, but they’re getting worse,” she mumbled.
“Why do you think that’s happening?” he asked.
She shook her head. She knew why.
“I had one true friend in life. One person who really loved me. Just the way I was. And life hates me so much that it killed her. Just to spite me.” She stifled a sob.
And his heart broke. “No. Heejin. You’re not alone anymore. You have me now.”
“Do I? Do I, really?” she ejaculated before turning around and running for her bathroom.
She slammed the door shut.
He stood up and walked into her bedroom. He sat down on the edge of her bed. What on earth was going on? He didn’t understand her. He’d rescued her from the side of the road. Not once. But twice. He’d held her hand and comforted her heart. He’d drawn her close to his every single night they’d lived together just to shield her from the encroaching darkness in her soul. Even though every time he crawled into a bed with her it cost him something.
How could she still think he cared nothing for her? He’d rented this apartment for her, for goodness’s sake!
He climbed into her bed. They needed to talk. He wasn’t going anywhere. He reached out and turned off her lamp. The one he’d bought her two weeks ago. The day after he’d moved her in with him. After work, he’d picked her up and driven to a store to find that lamp. He had insisted that she needed a light in her darkness.
And he was determined to be that light.
—
She waited a few minutes. She dried her tears and blew her nose. She brushed her teeth. Then she opened her bathroom door and stared at the man sleeping in her bed.
Her heart shifted violently in her chest. And she realized something that absolutely devastated her.
She was in love with him.
Of course, she was.
How could she not be?
After everything he had done for her? He held her close to his heart every single night after he’d pulled her from the darkness of her own soul. Yunseok was her light.
Suddenly, she knew it didn’t matter if he loved her or not. She loved him. She’d gone and done it again. Fallen in love with a guy whose heart was taken by another.
But this time was different. This time she really loved him. She wanted him to be happy. So happy. And she was determined to make him so. Apparently, that broken girl had stolen his heart only to break it. But Heejin would never break his heart. She treasured it. She would cherish it until it had come back to life again.
She treaded across the floor, coming to a stop next to him. Her eyes tenderly traced the planes and shadows of his face. No face had ever been this dear to her. Her stomach did a series of somersaults as she stood staring down at him. In all his beauty.
She knelt next to the bed and reached up with her left hand to cup that beloved cheek. Her thumb stroked it gently. Still, he didn’t rouse. She bent her head over his beautiful face and gave him their first kiss. Unbeknownst to him.
But he deserved it. He was worthy of her adoration. Her lips brushed tenderly across his own. She didn’t notice when her tear hit his cheek and slid down to water his pillow with her love.
She stood up and crossed the room once more to turn out the bathroom light. Then she headed for her bed. She climbed in and slid across it towards him. She reached out and pulled his arm around her as she pillowed her head over his chest. The steady rise and fall of it over the next several seconds convinced her that he was truly sound asleep.
Then she realized why. It hit her with a force that released a sob from her core.
He hadn’t been sleeping. The last few nights he had lain awake. Alone in his bed. Because he was worried about her. He was watching over her. He’d probably been waiting alone in the darkness each night for her scream. Every time it sounded, he had come running.
Her heart expanded with her adoration of him.
“Yunseok,” she whispered into the darkness that didn’t scare her when she was in his arms. “I love you.”
Then she closed her eyes and fell asleep. Peacefully. For the entire night.
—
Yunseok awoke to pale light inching its reluctant way into her bedroom. He’d fallen asleep in her bed. He didn’t even have to open his eyes to know it. His room was always pitch-black. He had no window through which the sun could illuminate his day.
He inhaled sharply and felt the weight of her head on his chest. Of course, her warmth was curling around him too. She’d drawn her knee up over his legs. Her arm was hugging him a few inches above his waist. Her breath was passing over his throat. He felt desire rising in him. But he tamped it down.
That’s when he realized his plan had worked. She’d slept the night through in his arms. Not one nightmare. He’d heard no scream during the night. He smiled with joy. He’d robbed her nightmares of the ability to haunt her last night. His heart was rejoicing mightily.
His arms tightened around her. He wanted to keep her in this safe place. Would she allow him into her bed again tonight? Had she last night?
He didn’t recall speaking with her after she’d fled to the bathroom. He’d lain down in her bed. He’d been so exhausted that he had closed his eyes for just a moment. Only to open them to a brand new day.
Just then, she roused and raised her head. To peek up into his eyes. “Yunseok?”
“Hi,” he whispered sheepishly.
“Did you spend all night in my bed?” she breathed.
He nodded. “Did you have any nightmares?”
Her face went blank for a moment. Then she shook her head slowly from side to side as the amazing realization hit her.
“No…” she breathed.
Then her face broke into a wide smile. And it seemed to him that the pale room was suddenly flooded with brilliant sunlight. A look of pure astonishment crossed her beautiful countenance.
“I haven’t had a peaceful night’s sleep since the accident. This is the very first one,” she spoke with awe.
She nearly kissed his lips then. She was so ecstatic that she couldn’t hold herself back. She raised herself up on her elbow and bent to brush her lips across his cheekbone.
“Thank you,” she breathed into his ear.
His hold on her tightened as desire swirled within him again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And breathed in her scent. Again. Tangerines. It was so pungent his mouth watered.
“I’m going to make you breakfast,” she whispered into his ear. Her breath now flowing across his earlobe to tease his skin.
He wanted to capture her lips with his own and suggest they have breakfast in bed. He was hungry for only one thing right now. But he flung his desire far from him, heeding his sister’s words, and let Heejin slip from his arms.
—
After work, they made japchae together and sat down on the couch to enjoy heaping bowls of it while they discussed the events of the day. A lull in their conversation crept up on them.
“Wanna watch a drama?” Yunseok asked suddenly.
But the expression that flitted across her face gave him pause.
“What is it?” he furrowed his brow in concern.
“Have you seen it before? Are there any cars in it? Any accidents?”
Understanding crashed into his heart, splashing him with his own memories. Trauma he hadn’t forgotten. Simply tucked away.
Of course.
Of course, she couldn’t watch an accident – even a minor one – being played out on the screen. It would awake even greater nightmares. She’d be walking through them while her eyes were open and the sun was shining. He remembered…
“I’m sorry. I should have realized. That’s why you’ve just wanted to talk. Or headed to your room to read. You’re afraid of seeing an accident on the TV. With good reason.” He paused for a moment. “I have a suggestion.”
Tension built in her belly. Was he going to try to talk her into watching something?
“I bought a new book. Would you like me to read it to you?”
Shocked, she sat, her eyes flying to his sweet face. “You want to read to me?”
He nodded.
Her face split into a wide grin. “I would love that. No one has ever read to me before. Except my teachers. And—”
“That doesn’t count,” they opined in unison.
Her eyes met his, and they both laughed.
“I’ll be right back.”
He returned a moment later with the book. Historical fiction. He sat down on one end of his couch. Then he glanced up at her.
“Wanna put your head in my lap? That way you can stretch out and be comfortable.” He glanced sheepishly at her. “Or your feet,” he shrugged. “Either way, you’ll have enough room to get comfortable.”
She smiled shyly at him as she crawled towards him. For just a moment, his imagination went wild. Then, he reined it in as she turned to lie on her back. She pillowed her head on his thigh and smiled up at him.
“Read away,” she whispered as her eyes closed.
Momentarily, he sat staring down at that captivating face.
“You are so beautiful, Heejin.”
His voice was just a breath, but it flooded her with supreme joy. Her eyes flew open, and she stared up at him.
Breathless, she murmured, “I am?”
“Indescribably lovely.” He reached out to trace her lips with his finger, and fire invaded the pit of her stomach. “You put all the heroines in my books to shame.”
His finger gently tugged at her bottom lip, coaxing her mouth open slightly.
She really couldn’t find any air to breathe now.
She was trapped in his beautiful gaze.
“You captured my heart the first moment I saw you,” he admitted softly. “You glanced up in alarm at me. And I was a goner.”
Was…Yunseok…Had Yunseok just admitted to her that he was in love with her?
Her heart was beating so hard right now that she was on the verge of panicking. Was it possible for it to explode from love? Or desire? Or this deep yearning that was invading her soul?
She sat up suddenly.
His heart dipped. Had he just scared her away?
She turned towards him. But it was such an awkward angle. She glanced down at his lap. But it didn’t seem like such a leap. They had shared a bed for over two weeks now. So she scooted back and lifted her bottom to plant it in his lap.
Shocked, he stared down at her, his eyebrows rubbing his bangs. But the poignant longing he read in her eyes undid him. His heart seemed to be fleeing from him. Or from her. He wasn’t sure which. No. Maybe it was running towards her.
This endless tide seemed to draw them closer together. Her eyes invaded his. His swamped hers. As they leaned closer to each other, their breaths mingled. And they both stilled.
Another centimeter and their mouths would meet. But right now they were both relishing the anticipation. She was a little terrified even as she reveled in his closeness and the expression in his gaze. His heart was pounding in his ears. And he kept hearing Yuni’s voice.
“Seokie, sex is no joke. Please don’t toy with that girl. Especially if she’s been hurt. Don’t lead her down a path that will cause her more pain. I know you think you’re tough, and that you can resist anything, but in the heat of the moment, it becomes difficult.
“But giving in carries a pretty heavy price. Even if it doesn’t affect you, it will affect her. She’ll wish she’d waited for a guy who treasured her enough to wait for her. For a guy who was willing to pledge his whole life – and not just one night – to her.”
He pushed her voice away from him. He didn’t want to think such heavy thoughts right now. He just wanted to taste those lips. He’d resisted them for weeks now. Over ten. He bent his head.
As she lifted her face towards his.
And their lips brushed gently. She gasped. And the taste of him flooded her mouth as his breath passed over her lips. A thousand teeny lightning bolts had entered her mouth at the touch of his.
He’d felt them too. He smiled against her lips at her lovely reaction. She was not immune to him. His arms threaded themselves around her, drawing her closer. He deepened that kiss, moving his mouth against hers with more pressure this time. Subtle pressure. But a deeper delving nonetheless.
She was reveling in the touch of his mouth against hers. Is this what a real kiss felt like? She was on fire. Shocking sensations flowing through her veins. Piercing her consciousness. Making her crave more. More of him. More of this heady excitement. These amazing tremors invading her soul. And riding along every nerve in her body.
Her arms slid around his neck. Her fingers crept up until they’d slid into his soft, midnight locks. Her thumb found the base of his skull and rubbed upward along his scalp. He moaned into her mouth before he drew away from her.
“That felt good. Do it again.”
Their mouths now separated, she breathed. Even as she concentrated on rubbing his head with her fingers. He closed his eyes as an expression of intense bliss flooded his face.
“I’ve had a headache all day. You just sent it running. Please keep doing that.”
It was all the invitation she needed. She slid off his lap so that she could adjust her position. Then she straddled him, her bottom coming to land near his knees. She scooted closer to him before sliding both of her hands into his hair. She used all her fingers to rub his entire head in long strokes from front back towards the base of his skull. He melted in her hands.
“I love you, Heejin,” he whispered, his eyes closed.
Her hands stilled. “What?” she breathed.
Had she just imagined that? Had her heart gone wild in its dream land? Had she dreamed in such vibrant technicolor that it seemed she’d heard his confession with her actual ears?
He opened his eyes. Slowly. Then, those stunning, obsidian orbs pierced hers. As they flooded with a look of such tenderness that she felt like she’d already fainted.
“I love you,” he whispered.
Then his arms crushed her to him, and his mouth descended again. His lips found hers in an ardent embrace that left her panting several long moments later. He was gasping for air too.
Yuni’s words were back, haunting him as he considered taking this girl to his bed tonight. And not just to hold her.
