Blog

Jungkook arrived at the park an hour before she did the next morning.  He had found a tree and was sitting under its shade, resting his back against its trunk.  He was wearing black pants with a matching belt and a billowy white shirt that he had tucked in.  His long bangs were curling about his face, and his adoring fans would have been fainting had they been standing in his presence.  He’d wanted to look his best for Hyejin today.  So, he’d come looking like he’d stepped out of the pages of a photo shoot.  He didn’t care.  He just didn’t want to lose her.  So, he was using every weapon in his arsenal.

He desired a romantic relationship with her.  But he also wanted a working one.  Jungkook’s new dream was to do a collaboration with this girl.  He wanted them to sing her song together.  But part of him wanted to keep her a secret.  Besides, then he’d have to tell her who he really was.  Perhaps he’d sit on this idea for a while.

After an hour of debating the merits of telling her the truth, Jungkook looked up to see her and her fabulously large canine headed straight for him.  They were bounding down the path that he was sitting a few feet from.  They sped past him without stopping.

“Hey!” he yelled.  “Hyejin!”

She stopped abruptly, pulling tightly on Twenty-two’s leash, as she turned her head towards Jungkook.  She stared at him like she’d never before seen him.  He watched as her eyes caught his face and traveled the entire length of his body down to his toes.  And then all the way back up again.  Her eyes widened as they came to rest on his face.

“Jungkook?” she asked, breathless from his beauty.

He nodded.  She didn’t recognize him?  Now she was scrutinizing his face.  She walked straight up to him, her eyes never ceasing their perusal of his countenance.

“Jungkook, are you wearing makeup?”

Hyejin couldn’t believe it.  He was wearing makeup.  She was sure of it.  

“Uh…”

Now he felt silly.  It was such a normal part of his life.  He’d been wearing it for years.  He didn’t even think about it anymore.  Outside of believing he looked better when he had it on.  That’s why he’d worn it today.  To attract her notice.  Apparently, he had.  Though he felt he hadn’t meant to draw this kind of attention.

She stepped closer, until she stood directly in front of him.  Then she got down on her knees before him.  She reached out and wiped his cheek with her left forefinger.  And some foundation colored her finger before she pulled it away.

“You ARE wearing makeup!” she exclaimed, incredulous.  “Why?”

Now he was stuck.  He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.  “So.  So what?”

“So what?” she gaped in astonishment at him.  “Who do you think you are, a pop star?”  However, she had to admit as her eyes studied his frame and his face, he was strikingly handsome made up; though, she still preferred Jungkook au natural.  Then, she laughed at her own joke.

As she scrutinized his appearance, she realized that he really did look like the pictures of performers that plastered walls and buses.  She narrowed her eyes at him.  He was still seated, leaning against the tree.  He looked like he’d stepped out of the pages of a gentleman’s quarterly.  Truth was he was stunningly beautiful in that getup.  His midnight eyes were accentuated by his dark hair and his black pants.  And even by that elegant, white shirt.  And by…was he wearing mascara?  

She leaned forward to get a better look, her nose a scant six inches from his own.  No, she shook her head, those were his natural eyelashes.  But as she studied his face from this distance, she noticed a subtle divot in his chin that seemed to divide his strong jaw in half.  How had she missed it before?  And why, oh, why did it make her want to sigh?

Jungkook was in pain.  She was so close to him.  She’d practically stuck her lips alongside his own.  He could feel her breath passing over his parted mouth.  All he could think about now was kissing her.  And somehow escaping from the conversation he’d found himself embroiled in.

Something was niggling at her.  She needed to test a theory that was beginning to form in her mind.  

“Come on,” she breathed into his mouth again.  

His eyes collided with her own as she stood up.  She held her hand out to him.  Instinctively, he reached for it, allowing her to draw him upward.  

“Let’s go for a walk.”

Why did he suddenly feel uneasy?  She was setting him up, he just knew it.  He could see the wheels turning in her head.  He’d gone too far.  In attempting to attract her, he’d simply given her evidence of the truth he was trying to conceal.

But what choice did he have?  So, he followed her.  All the way out of the park.  Toward her home.  Was she taking him home with her?  For a moment, his heart lifted.  Then they turned down another street.  She led him to the subway.  As they walked down the stairs, his heart sank.  He knew he was in trouble now.  He also wanted to hide before someone recognized him.  

Why, oh, why hadn’t he worn his baseball cap and sunglasses today?  

He kept his head down and was thankful he hadn’t put in his hoop earrings today.  He was hoping that small change in his appearance would protect him.  Most likely a futile hope, indeed.  He held his hand up over his face pretending to rub his eyes.  Soon enough they stopped.  Right in front of an advertisement for BTS.  

Hyejin studied the screen.  Next, she looked at Jungkook hiding behind his hand.  Then, she pulled out her phone and typed “Jungkook” into the internet search engine.  Up popped a zillion pictures of the gorgeous guy standing next to her.  Her mind reeling from the truth and all its various ramifications, one thought finally penetrated her consciousness and made her act.  She turned swiftly, grabbed the hand that he wasn’t hiding behind, and dragged him from the subway at warp speed.

Considering how he was dressed today, it was a miracle no one had recognized him.  She must have been living in a cave not to recognize the lead vocalist in the world’s most popular band.  A group that had originated in her own country!  In her own backyard, in fact!  She felt like such an idiot!

Tears were streaming down her face.  She kept recalling the entire scene from yesterday.  He must have been privately laughing at her.  He’d probably gone back to his home and laughed with his bandmates over the stupidity and naïveté of the girl he’d just met.

Jungkook finally dropped his hand from his face after they’d walked an entire block away from the subway station.  He glanced at Hyejin, wondering how mad she was at him.  He did a double take.  She was crying.  Great tears streaming down her face.  He felt his stomach flip over.  He wasn’t afraid of roller coasters or skydiving, but in this moment, he realized he feared a woman’s tears.  He was horrified!  Had he done this to her?  Simply because he hadn’t told her the truth?

“I’m sorry,” he nearly shouted it.  It was a heartfelt apology, spiraling up out of his core.  “I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you the other day.  It would have been so easy.”

“No,” she cut him off.  “I get it.  You were bored.  You were looking for a little entertainment.  And you found some.  You found the stupidest girl in all of South Korea.”  Oh, the irony!  Wouldn’t her classmates love this story?  The brightest girl in all of Seoul, but she didn’t recognize the lead singer of the biggest band in the world when she met him!  Repeatedly!

She continued to castigate herself.  “How you and your friends must have laughed at me.  ‘Oh, that little idiot!  Even when I told her my name, she still didn’t know who I was!’”  She cut herself off this time as she began to sob.  How her heart was hurting!  The pain cut her so deep, she wanted to scream.  The tremors of that agony were suffocating her, wrapping around her lungs.  She had thought she’d found a forever kind of love.  Instead, she’d found a K-pop idol!  The one person in the whole world she couldn’t have!  It was such a cruel fate.  She didn’t deserve this, did she?

“Hyejin, that’s not true!  I haven’t even told my friends about you.  I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to love the real me.”

She was sobbing so hard she almost didn’t hear him.  But somehow his tender words cut through all her pain and penetrated her heart.  She stopped walking.  She stilled herself.  Then she looked up at him, her eyes invading his.

“What did you say?”

Jungkook cut to the chase.  He was terrified of losing her if he didn’t speak the truth now.  “I love you.”

What?!  

Simply staring at him, she stood, covered in the moisture of her own tears, her cheeks gleaming in the sunlight, her mouth hanging open.  Today was too unbelievable.  Here she was standing on a street corner in the heart of Seoul, tears running down her face, her nose beginning to run too, with a K-pop idol professing his undying love for her.  She blinked.  Then she reached into her pocket.

Please, please let me have a Kleenex.  

Nothing.  She sighed, hanging her head.  Then she turned around.  She needed to go home.  The last thing she wanted was for Jungkook to witness the goop running down her face.

His heart fell several stories.  “Where are you going?”

“Home.  I need a Kleenex.”

“No, you don’t.  Come here,” he reached for her, grasping her wrist and pulling her towards him.

Then he did the sweetest thing she’d ever seen any man do.  He took that gorgeous shirt, that billowing, white blouse that probably cost a thousand dollars, and he wiped her nose with it.  He was completely unfazed that it was now wet with her snot.  

Her eyes met his own.  It was then that she saw the tears trembling on his eyelashes.  Her heart flipped over in her chest.  He was crying too?  The rims of his eyelids had grown red from the tears welling there.  He blinked, and a tear was freed to fall onto the cheek below it.  Jungkook ignored it as he took his precious fingertips and began to brush away her tears.  The gentle touches of those fingers against the soft skin of her cheek slowly melted her insides.  She closed her eyes as he continued to wipe her tears away from her other cheek.  Then she felt something different brushing her cheek.  She opened her eyes.

Jungkook had stood in front of Hyejin, her tears breaking his heart into a billion pieces.  The heart that had gone galloping away out of fear when he’d professed his love to her.  She hadn’t responded.  She’d simply stared at him in disbelief.  

Then she’d dug around in her pocket.  He’d noticed that her nose had joined her eyes in fellowship and was running too now.  She had yet to see his own tears.  Perhaps they might have comforted her had she noticed them.  He’d understood why she’d ignored his declaration.  He could feel her discomfort.  She was embarrassed to be crying in front of him.  And appalled that her nose was running.  

After all, she was standing in front of the most popular K-pop idol in all the world, and she felt less than adequate.  He had amplified the distance between them by dressing like his persona today.  Ironic since he had wanted her to love him for himself.  He had magnified their differences rather than finding the common ground they’d been standing on the last two days.  It was then that he realized his motive this morning.  He had hoped that his clothes would tell on him.  He had wanted her to discover who he was so that he didn’t have to say anything.  Because he didn’t know how to tell her.  He’d left it too long.

He owed her so many apologies already.  This was such a crummy way to start a relationship.  Oh, how he wished he could start over with her!  But he couldn’t.  All he could do was move forward being his true self.  The man who intuitively understood what others were feeling and was devastated by what bothered them.  He had a high tolerance for his own pain but not for the agony of those around him.  He was most likely to cry when he saw them crying.  Now he had to reveal that heart to her.

So, he did what came naturally to him.  He dropped his persona, and he acted straight out of his heart.  He pulled on his sleeve until he had a handful of fabric in his fingers, and pretending it was a handkerchief, he wiped her nose for her.  Then, his eyes attracted to her tear-streaked cheeks, he felt his fingers drawn as though by an invisible magnet to those liquid tracks of her love for him.  He tenderly brushed them off, silently praying she would feel his devotion to her.  Then he’d peered at her lovely face and her closed eyes, and he’d dared to do something audacious.  While he had the chance.  He couldn’t let it pass again.  He bent his head and pressed his lips against her cheek.  He didn’t feel he had the right to kiss her lips just yet.

A thousand tiny darts invaded his lips as they brushed that soft cheek.  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her eyes fly open.  She didn’t move as her eye collided with his own.  He smiled against her smooth cheek.  Then he pulled away and stood up to his full height to gaze down at her lovingly.  Why was he feeling sheepish now?

“Jungkook.”  It was all she could say.  She could hardly breathe.  He’d wiped her nose.  He’d carried her tears away with his own fingers.  And now he’d kissed her cheek reverently.  And he’d told her he loved her.  He loved her!

He saw her eyes register the truth he’d spoken moments before.  What would she say?  How would she respond?  Would she flee from him?  He wouldn’t blame her if she did.  Who wanted a boyfriend that had to be kept secret?  Who wanted to date a guy who was traveling six months out of every year and busy the other six with engagements, press releases, fan meet-and-greets, dance practices, and recording studio appointments?

“Jungkook, you really love me?  We just met.”

“I’ve never felt like this before.”

Of course, he hadn’t.  How long had he been in that band?  Probably since he was a kid.  Had he ever even had five minutes alone with a single woman before?

He felt deflated.  “You don’t believe me.” 

She could see the hurt in his eyes.  Unthinking, she reached for him to reassure him.  She touched his arm.

“I believe you.  I just…no guy has ever been interested in me before.”

That was absolutely not true.  He was sure of it.  They’d probably all just been way too intimidated to approach her. 

“And you could pick anyone anywhere.  On the planet.  It’s hard to believe you’d actually choose me.”

“I’m just a normal guy.  This,” he waved his hand over his clothes and past his cheek, “this is all just a show.  It’s smoke and mirrors.  It’s a mirage.  It isn’t the real me.  I only used it out of desperation because I could feel you slipping away from me yesterday.”  He hung his head for a moment.  “But I had hoped you couldn’t resist the Golden Maknae.”

“You’re the one I couldn’t resist!  Yesterday!” she blurted out before she could stop herself.  “But then you scared me.  You seemed to be hiding something from me.  And you were.  You were hiding the truth from me.  The truth about who you are, in the here and now, out there in the world,” she gestured past them.  “You didn’t trust me to see the real you.  So now, I wonder why you think you love me when you believed you couldn’t trust me.”

“Because your heart touched mine yesterday when you sang your song to me.”  He peeked out from behind his eyelids at her, his eyes growing round and making him look younger than he was and thoroughly innocent.  

Oh, don’t look at me like that!  Your chocolate brown eyes melt me every time you get that look in them!  How am I supposed to resist you when you’re gazing at me like that?  How am I to protect my heart from such a tender assault?

“Did you write that song about me?” he asked in a whisper that floated right into her ears and past her every defense.

Her pulse was pounding in those same ears again.  Blood was rushing to her head, making her dizzy.  Why did he have to ask that?  Now it was her turn to choose to tell the truth or to pass off a lie.  She swallowed.

She was locking eyes with him.  He could see the fear in them.  He rushed to comfort her.

“It’s ok.  You’re safe with me.  I know you don’t feel like you are.  That’s my own fault.  But I care about your heart.  I don’t want to hurt you.”  Then he spoke the hardest words he’d said all day.  “I’ll leave you if you want.”  He couldn’t keep his face from falling as he spoke those sad words.  He was about to cry again.  He started to turn away.  

When his back was to her, she put her hands out and grabbed him by the shoulders.  She let her fingers rest there.  She craved contact with him, but she couldn’t handle his speaking eyes right now.

“Don’t turn around.  If you’re looking at me, it will be harder for me to speak.  I don’t want you to leave me.  Ever.”  She paused, trying to find the courage to continue.  Then she remembered his tears, and they made her brave.  “I did write that song for you.  That’s why I was so overwhelmed yesterday when you asked to sing it with me.  It was a dream come true.”  She fell silent for a moment.  “I…”

She couldn’t say it yet.  She pulled her hands from his shoulders and walked around to face him.  His eyes met her own.  He was standing so still, like a deer caught in headlights or perhaps like the one trying to watch the deer but who was afraid he’d scare it away.  Her eyes delved into his own for a moment, then she smiled until an answering smile lit up his face.

“I love you, Jungkook.”