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Chapter 8: Ill at Ease – November 5 – 7, 2020

“Minhyuk said something about a surprise…” Jin mentioned after they’d tucked him into bed.

She laughed up at Jin.  “You know very well that the chocolate mousse was your surprise.”

He bent a provocative look upon her.  “Are you sure about that?” 

His gaze brushed her lips again.  Stirring desire in her.

“Jin,” she whispered.

“What?  And if you say you don’t deserve me one more time…”

“But I don’t!”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he growled as he pulled her into his arms again.  

His mouth descended upon hers in a fury of tenderness.  Jin was fierce.  But in the gentlest way possible.  He devastated her mouth again for a little while before reluctantly lifting his head.

“I should go home,” he whispered across her lips.

She was yearning for him so badly.  She didn’t want him to leave.  But she knew he should.  So she stepped away from him.

Why did that simple action feel like she’d just removed her own arm?

“Can I – can I take you to dinner tomorrow night, Yura?”  

An expression of such vulnerability flowed across his face that she answered before she could think.

“Yes.”

Then, a smile brighter than the noonday sun lit up the canvas of his countenance.

“If I can find a babysitter,” she qualified.

He nodded his head.  “I’ll see you in the morning?”

She smiled and bobbed her head.  Then she walked him out.  He stole another kiss before he slid through the doorway.  Yura watched him until he was out of sight.

—

The next night he showed up at the agreed-upon time…only to find an ill Yura.  Pale-faced, she opened the door.  She was sagging where she stood.

“Yura,” Jin’s eyes and voice filled with concern, “what’s wrong?  Are you sick?”

“I don’t know.  I suddenly started feeling just awful ten minutes ago.  I was exhausted all day at work.  I kept pushing through, but it hasn’t gotten any better.  I…” 

She leaned towards him as a sudden wave of dizziness hit her.  He caught her and bent to pick her up in his arms.  As he carried her through the living room towards that big bed he’d bought her, he tossed a cheerful command to her son.

“Minhyuk, go shut and lock the door.”

The little boy ran to do his bidding.  He loved Mr. Jin and was so glad he was visiting often.

Just then, a knock sounded on the door.

“Mr. Jin!  Somebody is here!”

Jin set Yura down in her bed until she was lying flat, a pillow under her head.  

“Jin, I…”

He bent a stern but loving eye on her.  “Rest,” he responded firmly.  “I’ll take care of Minhyuk.  I’ll be back in a moment.”

He walked to the front door and opened it to discover Minsu waiting.  

“Change of plans,” he informed her succinctly.  “Yura isn’t feeling well.  We’re going to stay in this evening.  Sorry you came all the way over…it just hit her a few minutes ago.”

“Oh,” her brow wrinkled in concern, “is she going to be okay?”

He nodded.  “I think so.  She’s just really tired right now.”

She bobbed her head.  “Okay.  Well, I guess I’ll head home then.”  She glanced up at him.  “Are you going to stay with her?  If not, I could take Minhyuk home with me.”

“No, it’s okay.  I’ll watch the little guy.”

She smiled suddenly.  “I’m so glad she has you now, Jin.  She so deserves a wonderful guy like you.  I know she doesn’t think so.  But she’s just wrong.  She’s the sweetest person I know.”

“I agree,” Jin murmured.  “And I’m so glad she’s had you all these years.  Thank you…for taking care of her when I couldn’t.”  His eyes were full of something deep and heavy.

She nodded.  She understood.  They both loved Yura.

“Bye, Mr. Jin,” she grinned and then spun on her heel to head home to watch Netflix alone.  When was her knight in shining armor going to appear?

Again, the memories she’d fought so hard to suppress surfaced.  Hobi. She’d had a knight in shining armor once.  But she’d spurned him because a solid friendship could never be the basis of a true love.  Could it?  After all, she needed lightning to strike.  But Hobi had no fire in his soul.  Only sunshine.

—

Jin locked the door and returned to Yura’s room.  Her eyes closed, she was lying still.  He walked up to her and placed his hand over her forehead.  She was burning up.  Just then, he saw her shiver.  He pulled another blanket up around her shoulders.

“Yura, have you eaten at all today?”

She moaned.

“I’m going to feed Minhyuk and make you some soup.  I’ll be back.  Your phone is on your nightstand.  Text me if you need me.  Mine’s in my pocket.”

He bent and kissed her forehead before heading for the kitchen.

He found the ingredients to make her a soothing soup.  While the vegetables sautéed in the pan, he made Minhyuk a sandwich.  He carried it out to the living room where the little boy was watching TV.  

“Come eat at the table.  You can keep watching your show.  After I finish your eomma’s soup, I’m going to go hang out with her in her bedroom, okay?  Come get me if you need anything.”

Minhyuk nodded.

Jin returned to the kitchen.  Twenty minutes later, he carried two steaming cups of soup into her bedroom.  He set them on her nightstand.  He’d thought she was sleeping, but she suddenly murmured, “Jin?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I have a glass of water?”

“Yes.  I’ll be right back.  And don’t worry about Minhyuk.  He’s eating dinner while he watches TV.”

The man was a godsend.  What would she have done tonight if she’d been alone?  Minhyuk would have ended up fending for himself.  The idea scared her.  She needed Jin.  Minhyuk needed Jin too.  

She might just have to let go of her preconceived notions.  And all her fears.  So she could embrace this second chance at a real love.  Whether she deserved it or not.

—

Jin returned a moment later with her glass of water.  He sat down next to her and slid his arm around her to help her sit up.  Then he held the glass to her mouth while she drank.  He bent his head near her ear.  

“Would you like some soup?”

She nodded.  He set the glass down and picked up her cup of soup.

“I thought it would be easiest to drink it.  But there is a spoon for the veggies and chicken.”

She accepted the cup and began to drink the broth.

I love you, Jin.  With all my heart.  I can’t believe I ever fell for the counterfeit.  You’re so perfect.  So sweet.  How could I walk away from you?

She leaned her head back against his shoulder and closed her eyes.

“Thank you.  Thank you for taking care of Minhyuk too.”

“I’m not going anywhere.  I’ll make sure he gets his bath and goes to bed at a good time.”

A tear slid out from under her closed eyelid to slip down her cheek.

Jin saw it.  He reached up and cupped her cheek with his palm.  His thumb began to tenderly brush that tear away.  But it was quickly replaced by another.  Which his thumb mercilessly followed.  Then he bent his head and brushed his lips across her forehead again.

“Can you drink any more broth, Yura?”

She opened her eyes and sipped some more.  Then she handed him the cup.  

“I’m sorry.  I’m not really hungry.  I’m just so tired.”  She shivered again.  

He set the cup down on the nightstand before he scooted her down into the bed so she could stretch out.  He pulled her up against his chest.  The curve of her body clung to his as she put her head over his chest.  Her arm encircled him.  She closed her eyes.  

She was still shaking from the fever.  He pulled the covers up over her shoulders and tried with all his might to lend her his own body heat.  Fairly soon, she fell asleep.  He held her for a long time.

—

After he’d given Minhyuk a bath, he tucked him into bed.  The little boy frowned up at him.

“Is Eomma okay, Mr. Jin?”

“She’s going to be just fine.  Don’t you worry.  She was just feeling tired.”  He ruffled the child’s hair.  “Sleep tight, Minhyuk.”

“Mr. Jin, are you staying the night?”

Jin nodded.  “I’m going to stay and take care of your eomma.  If you need anything, you can come to her room, okay?”

The little guy nodded.  Jin bent and kissed him on the forehead.  “Goodnight.”

“‘Night, Mr. Jin.”  Minhyuk yawned.  

Jin turned out his light and headed to the kitchen to clean up and put the rest of the soup away.  After he was done straightening up, he headed for Yura’s room.  She was sound asleep in the middle of the bed.  He climbed in and lay down next to her.

And Jin began to dream.  Of all the things he had always wanted.  Of the things he and Yura had once planned on.  Of course, now his dreams included a certain little boy.   An adorable boy who was a sign that even the worst relationship could be redeemed.

Jin would never have wanted Yura to hook up with Seungbin.  But now, he couldn’t imagine life without her precious Minhyuk.  Jin loved that tiny boy so much.  So much more than he had ever imagined he could.  Even when he’d told Yura to marry him.  That he would take her child as his own.  He’d been fully prepared to accept that baby.  But his feelings now were so, so much deeper than he could have ever anticipated.

The light was still on in her room.  So he could see her.  Suddenly, she rolled towards him.  Her hair fell across her face.  He reached up and brushed it behind her ear.  Her face was so hot.  He reached up to test her forehead.  Burning up still.  

His eyes traced her lovely countenance.  Two roses had bloomed in her cheeks, and her lips were crimson tonight.  He frowned.  She wasn’t usually so colorful.  She was beautiful, but he was a little worried about her now.  

He realized she was shivering again.  He removed his socks and his shirt to stay as cool as possible.  Then, he slid his arm under her and pulled her close, stuffing the covers in around her.  He would warm her up tonight.  Even if it meant he couldn’t sleep.  At least tomorrow was Saturday.

—

She was so thirsty.  Completely parched.  And burning up.  She threw all the covers off of her.  But the heater under her body just kept pumping out waves of warmth.  She groaned and cracked an eye open.

She was shocked to discover the light on and a body under her hand.  That heat was coming from…Jin!   Her fingertips were laying against his skin.  She nearly flew out of that bed.  She hadn’t seen Jin without his shirt on since high school.  The difference was…his physique had improved greatly since then.  When had he started working out?  She really didn’t need to see this magnificent display of tan skin and contoured muscles.  

She swallowed and realized how badly her throat hurt.  She rolled away from him.  He was sound asleep.  She didn’t want to disturb him.  She climbed out of bed and headed for the kitchen.  She filled a glass with water and drank half of it.  

Then she stumbled into Minhyuk’s room to check on him.  He was sleeping soundly.  She made her way to the bathroom before heading back to her room.  She stood staring down at Jin’s sleeping face as she finished drinking the glass of water.

Even as bad as she felt, she couldn’t be distracted from the feelings rushing into her heart as she watched him sleeping.  The man was so beautiful.  Worldwide handsome even.  She was melting just looking at him.  His sweet face was even softer in sleep.  

Her eyes traced the slight arches his dark eyebrows created in his forehead.  His eyelashes appeared like two fuzzy caterpillars sleeping in the middle of his face.  Her gaze slid along the cute slope of his straight nose.  Her eyes delved into the deep divot above his mouth before slipping along his plump lips.  

How could she be overwhelmed by the desire to kiss him even when she felt so crummy?

But then her eyes slid lower.  All the way down to his naked waist.  She sighed.  The man was a masterpiece.  And the sight of his beautiful body wasn’t helping her self-control one bit!  How was she going to get such a vision out of her head?! 

She leaned over and pulled a sheet up over him.  No need to tempt herself beyond her ability to resist.

She’d been down that road before.  It had led her into only one place: trouble.  She certainly didn’t need any more of that.  She sighed and headed for her side of that massive bed.  She snuggled down under the covers and fell fast asleep.

—

Jin awoke first.  To light streaming in through her closed shades.  He turned towards her and smiled.  He wanted to wake up next to her in this big bed every day.  That had been his dream when he had bought it for her.  To snuggle under the covers in this bed with Yura and Minhyuk.  Sometimes that dream included a baby girl too.  His and Yura’s.

As he watched the sunrise painting her face, he smiled.  The roses had bled away.  Her cheeks were their usual shade of tan.  Her lips remained chapped, though.  Still, she was lovely.  Yura had always been lovely.

As his eyes traced that beautiful countenance, the years fell away, and he remembered the first time he’d awoken to that precious face.  One night during their junior year in high school, they’d been studying for a test.  Sitting on her couch.  They’d ended up falling asleep next to each other.  Her head had made a slow descent from his chest to his lap.  When he’d awoken, the back of her head had been pillowed across his thighs, her countenance facing him.  When he’d gazed down at her, he’d found her sound asleep.  That was the first time he’d realized how beautiful she was in the early morning light. 

Suddenly, she rolled towards him and buried her face in his shoulder.  His heart turned over, and his arm slid around her to hug her close.  He reached up and touched her forehead.  She felt cool to the touch.  He sighed with relief.

After a few moments of holding her close, he felt her stirring again.  She began to mumble in her sleep.

“Jin, not there.  Over here.  Just two inches to the right.  Yes!  There!  That’s the spot!”

Jin quirked one slender eyebrow as his imagination went wild with those words.  Was she dreaming?  What exactly were they doing together in that dream?

Her eyes opened.  She blinked.  Then she turned her head to gaze up at him.

“Jin?”

He smiled at her.  “Just exactly what was I doing to you in your dream?”

“What?”

“You just told me to move two inches to the right.”

“Oh.  You were rubbing my back.  I have a headache, and my shoulder is really tight.  You were digging your fingers into my shoulder in the wrong spot, so I told you where to rub.”

“Roll over.”

“What?”

“I’ll rub your shoulder.  Show me where.”

She turned over on her tummy and pressed her shoulder with her fingers.  “Right here.”

Jin began to massage her shoulder.  She began groaning.  Then she tensed as his fingers dug into the sore spot.  Instantly, he gentled his hold on her shoulder.  He felt her relaxing.  Then he slid his thumbs up and down the sides of her back.  After a few moments, she sighed with relief.  

“That feels so good.  I didn’t realize the tension was coming from that low down.  I thought it was just in my shoulder.”

“No,” he breathed as he continued to rub the sides of her back.  “Do you feel better?  I mean, you don’t feel hot anymore.”

She nodded.  “My throat is a little sore, but I’m not freezing or burning up anymore.  And I don’t feel exhausted either.  Thank you, Jin —”

She groaned.  He’d hit a sensitive spot.  He spent some time working it out with his fingertips.  She melted into a big puddle in the middle of her bed.  

He smiled and bent over her, kissing her on the cheek.  “Is that better?”

“No.  You didn’t find the right spot.”

“What?”

“On my cheek.  Move two inches to the right.”  

Then she turned her head towards him.  He glanced at her cheek.  Then he laughed.  Two inches to the right was her mouth.

“Yura, are you asking me to kiss you?” he whispered roughly.

The roses were back.  Blooming in her cheeks.

“Um,” she sat up abruptly, “I need to use the bathroom.”  She jumped up from the bed and headed for the bathroom. 

While she was gone, he heard a strange sound.  He followed it.  All the way to Minhyuk’s room.  The little boy was tossing and turning in the bed.  

“No!  Don’t!  No!” he whimpered.

Jin rushed to his side.  The tiny child was clearly distressed.  And still sleeping.  Gently, Jin roused him.

He set his lips near his ear and whispered, “It’s okay, Minhyuk.  Wake up.  It’s just a bad dream.  You’re okay.”

Yura stood in the doorway, watching Jin comfort her tiny son.  The little boy opened his eyes and immediately threw his arms around Jin before burying his face in his chest.

“Mr. Jin, he was so scary!  He grabbed my arm, and he wouldn’t let me go!” he sobbed.

“Shhh…it’s okay.  You’re all right.  It wasn’t real.  I’ve got you.  You’re safe.”

The little boy hugged him tight.  “I’m so glad you’re here, Mr. Jin.  Can you – can you stay tonight too?”

Her heart shifted violently in her chest as she stared at the two people she loved the most in all the world.  She had fallen in love with her son the first moment her eyes had graced his face.  Hearing his tiny cries had reinforced that grand passion.  She had fallen in love with Jin when she was seven years old.  When his sweet voice had cascaded over her in concern as she stood dripping, wondering why someone would hate her enough to shove her into a water fountain.  Then, Jin, her avenging angel, had bruised his little knuckles blackening her bully’s eye.  Her heart had flown from her grasp in that moment.  Now, her son was falling in love with Jin too.

But the question still haunted her: how could she have ever believed she was in love with the bully that had tormented her for years?  Or would have if Jin hadn’t been there to protect her.   She had allowed that bully to separate her from the boy she loved, the boy who loved her.  The boy who still loved her.  In spite of all she had done to him.   Despite the multitude of ways she had hurt him.  And he loved her son too.  The boy she’d created with his archenemy.  

As tears streamed down her face, she stood watching them tenderly embrace each other.  She turned and ran to her bedroom.  She dove into that gigantic bed and hid under the covers.  Burying her face in that fat mattress.  

There were so many fractured places in her heart still.  Seungbin had done a very thorough job of destroying her self-worth.  Bit by bit, his snarky remarks had eaten away at her soul.  Little by little, her belief in her own value had been decimated by his repeated comparisons between her and his latest girlfriend.  The last few months they’d been together, he’d stopped hiding the existence of his girlfriends.  He had, in fact, flaunted them in front of her. 

He’d stared at her while she’d nursed their son and criticized them both.  “If you spent less time feeding that brat and more time attending to my needs, I wouldn’t find it necessary to sleep with my girlfriends.”  Then as he’d headed out to his girlfriend’s apartment, he’d thrown over his shoulder, “You were never any good in bed anyway.”

She winced as she recalled the memories.  She was so much less than Jin deserved.  He should have a girl with a whole heart.  And one who would delight him in bed.   She was terrified that Jin would find her a great disappointment.  She had already broken his heart.  What if she failed his body too?

But now, her son had fallen in love with Jin.  How could she ever separate them?  She didn’t want to see Minhyuk hurt.  Or Jin either.  

Ugh!  This is such a mess!

She began to cry, which made her throat hurt more.  But she couldn’t seem to stop.  She was such a failure.  A complete and utter disappointment.  Her own parents wanted nothing to do with her.  She had displeased everyone her whole life long.  Everyone. 

Except Jin. 

But she couldn’t understand him.  He was the one person she had actually wronged.  Yet he had forgiven her so easily.    

She had never understood what she had done to anger Seungbin.  Not from the first day of their acquaintance when he’d rammed her into the water fountain.  To the end of her marriage when he’d slammed her into a wall for no good reason.   Her shortcomings in her appa’s eyes had never made any sense to her either.  She’d never pleased him.  Though she had spent her whole life trying.

But if Jin had been upset with her, she could have received his anger.  She would have understood why his heart hurt.  She wouldn’t have rejected his rebuke.  But Jin had always been there before her with open arms.  Beckoning her to come home to him.  

She just couldn’t understand that kind of love.  It was as though he saw no flaw in her.  He recognized no fault in her character.  He accepted her just the way she was.  

All she knew for sure was that she didn’t deserve such unconditional love.

Jin found her huddled under those blankets a few moments later.  Sobbing her heart out.