Chapter 20: Embrace the Future – November 25 – December 29, 2024
Over the next few weeks, they fell into a happy pattern. Myeong would arrive at the school a half hour after it dismissed and pick up both his daughter and Haewon. They would head to his apartment and cook dinner together. After eating, he and Dahui would do the dishes while Haewon worked on her projects for the next school day. Then, Dahui would finish her homework while he took care of some business. When the girl was finally settled in bed, he and Haewon would spend less than an hour talking before he drove her home.
He discovered that Haewon was an amazing cook. Just like his wife had been. In fact, though he was loath to admit it, Haewon might just have acquired a few more culinary skills than his late wife had possessed. But for some reason, comparing them didn’t seem to hurt him quite so much anymore. And he was truly enjoying all the meals Haewon and Dahui prepared together. His daughter was learning so much from her teacher. Not just at school, but in his home too.
Or hers. Some nights they went to her apartment for dinner. A couple of times, Dahui had fallen asleep on her couch again. Finally, one night he had Dahui pack an overnight bag to store at Haewon’s apartment, so the girl would have any necessary items if she awoke in the morning to discover she’d spent the night on her teacher’s couch again.
One night over dinner, he glanced at his daughter’s curls and commented, “Dahui, you need a haircut.”
“No, Appa,” she argued. “I want to grow my hair out.”
Surprised, he glanced at Haewon. She smiled at him, and his eyes slid down her long locks.
Ahhh. Of course, Dahui wanted to grow her hair out. To emulate Haewon.
“But, Mrs. Wang, I’m not sure what to do to fix my hair while it’s growing out. It’s always in my eyes,” the girl murmured.
“That’s easily fixed. You can wear either barrettes or a headband. Would you like me to take you shopping for some?”
Myeong watched as his daughter’s eyes grew wide with excitement. He beamed at the precious woman who always seemed to have a word of wisdom or kindness for both him and Dahui in their time of need. He recognized that he was truly beginning to trust his daughter to Haewon.
The truth be told, he was growing impatient. He wanted to move Haewon into their apartment. It would simplify things if she lived with them. He gave it some thought. He was hoping to make special plans with her for Christmas, but her parents foiled his plotting by inviting her home for the holiday.
“You’re going to spend Christmas with your family?” he asked, clearly disappointed.
Haewon smiled at him. “I haven’t seen my parents since the summer. You don’t understand how truly amazing that is. I used to live in their pockets. Up until a few months ago. I need to go see them.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Do you get together with any extended family over the holiday?”
He shook his head. “But the Beoms have invited us to spend Christmas with them. I was hoping you could join us.”
Her heart sank. “I was going to ask you and Dahui to come with me to see my parents,” she responded, disheartened.
“You were?” His face lit up. “Oh! If I hadn’t already committed to spend the day at Aejeong’s, I would take you up on your offer.”
She smiled ruefully. “Oh, well, it’s only one day, right?”
But it was supposed to have been such an important day. He sighed. He was going to have to make other plans now.
—
“Kookie!” Yunyeong greeted her husband. “Isn’t it great that my sonogram is today?! We’ve been waiting months to find out if this baby is a boy or a girl!”
She was beaming up at him as he bent to plant a kiss on her pretty lips.
“It is great, Yuni! I can’t wait!”
“You don’t have to wait much longer,” she murmured as she grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door.
Jungkook had left work early to take her to her appointment. Yunseong was babysitting Jangmi for her.
Yunyeong happily chattered into Jungkook’s ear all the way to the doctor’s office. A few minutes later, she was settled on the table, and the sonographer was pulling the wand across her belly. For just a moment, Jungkook glanced at her tummy. She still wasn’t showing a lot. She was such a tiny woman.
He imagined sliding his hand across that smooth skin and cradling that precious baby who was still wearing his mother’s skin. Jungkook hadn’t told Yunyeong, but he’d been imagining they were having a boy ever since she’d told him she was pregnant. She hadn’t said anything, but he knew her well enough to know she was also hoping for a boy, if for no other reason than that Yun’s baby would have a buddy to grow up with just like Seulgi and Jangmi would be close friends.
A moment later, the sonographer was prepared to end their curiosity. “Do you want to know what you’re having?”
But as the wand slid over a certain spot, Jungkook happened to look up at the screen, and he had absolutely no doubt about the identity of their child. “We’re having a boy!” he exclaimed ecstatically.
Yunyeong’s eyes met his, and she grinned broadly. “We’re having a boy, Kookie! Yun’s baby and ours will be the best of friends! Just like you and Tae. Isn’t that awesome?”
He beamed down at her. It was awesome. Indeed.
—
One night in late December, Haewon stayed very late at Myeong’s apartment. School was on break, so she didn’t have to work the next day. Myeong still set his own work hours, and he didn’t have to take Dahui to school tomorrow, so he decided to indulge in Haewon’s company a little longer than usual after his daughter went to sleep. He and Haewon had now been chatting for over an hour. But he had recently fallen silent.
She was gazing at him. “What is it, Myeong?”
He was staring at her intensely. Something about his gaze was making her stomach do tiny flips.
Suddenly, he lowered his head and began to kiss her tenderly. He drew the kiss out for several long moments, sweetly playing about the bow of her mouth. But then he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss gently. As his tongue danced delicately across her bottom lip, she sighed into his mouth and opened herself to him. Her heart was beating out a rapid tattoo.
He drew her closer and perused her mouth with his own. Her heart was racing wildly away. She reveled in his touch, in his kiss, but she was also terrified. Eunho had never crossed the line she and Myeong were approaching. Eunho had never taken her much past this point, but she knew that Myeong desired to. She could feel it. In his lips. In his tongue. In his fingers sliding across her skin.
She drew away from him. That’s when he noticed she was trembling.
“Haewon, what’s wrong?” he whispered.
“I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Being touched.”
He was confused. “Why?”
“I’ve never been with a man. Except…the night I was raped. I was drugged. I don’t remember it.”
He was astounded. “You didn’t sleep with your husband?”
“We never had sex.”
“What?”
“I was afraid to. So was he. I…” How could she explain their odd relationship? “It makes no sense. I want to be touched. But I’m afraid to be touched.”
“It makes perfect sense. After what you’ve been through – all of it – it is completely understandable.” He gazed into her eyes. “You know that I would never be anything but gentle with you, right?” he asserted tenderly.
She gazed up at him. “I don’t know what it’s like past a certain point. I craved being touched, and Eunho did touch me…in some places. But others made me uncomfortable. So he didn’t…” Her voice trailed off momentarily. “I still crave being touched.”
A tear slid slowly down her cheek. “Before Eunho married me, no one touched me. No one has touched me since he died. I crave your touch, Myeong, but I’m also terrified of going beyond a certain point. I don’t know what will happen.
“My whole life has been out of my control. I went only where my parents said I could go. I did only what the doctors said I could do. I lived under a death sentence until Eunho gave me his heart. Even then, I couldn’t breathe for the first year. The fear of rejection swamped me. What if my body rejected Eunho’s heart? Thank God, it didn’t. My body accepted it.
“So I began to relax. Just a little. Last year was better. I could finally breathe. I finished school and got my teaching degree. I got my own apartment and was given my own classroom, but then I met you, and I thought we were connecting, but…”
“I pulled away.”
She nodded. “See? I’m still not in control. I wanted to be your friend. I wanted…but you stopped talking to me. Until the day you decided to volunteer for the class trip. Things are good between us now, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m still not in control.”
“I understand that feeling. Of not being in control. I’ve struggled with it since Dahui died. So, as much as I am able, I’ll give you that control.”
“What?”
“I’ll never do anything to you – or with you – that you don’t ask me for.”
She stared at him and wondered how she had found such a wonderful man. Again.
Eunho might have been awful to others before he married her, but he had always treated her with kid gloves. He’d sown tenderness into her. He’d revealed the sweetness of the tiny boy he’d been before he’d known the terror of his appa’s lash. And the brunt of his wicked tongue.
A tear slid down her cheek again for the loss of that bright light. Eunho had pulled her out of the darkness of her lonely life. And given her the opportunity to live a larger life than she had ever had before. But now, as she continued to stare into the depths of Myeong’s eyes, she realized that she’d been given that remarkable gift a second time. She’d received a second chance at being loved. And at loving.
Suddenly, she gasped.
“What?” Two valleys cropped up between his eyebrows.
“I love you.” In shock, she spoke the truth she’d just realized.
His lips curved into a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They remained sober as he continued to lock gazes with her. He lowered his head until his lips brushed hers.
Then he murmured against her mouth, “I adore you, Haewon. I don’t ever want to be without you. I think my deepest fear is that I’ll lose you. But I’m still willing to take a chance on you.”
He pulled away from her to gaze down into her eyes. “I want you. I want you to be part of our family, mine and Dahui’s. It feels like you already are. Like you’re the piece that’s been missing for so many years. I feel like we were just waiting in the wings for you to get your new heart. So you could come home to us. And be part of our family.”
For a few moments, they simply gazed into each other’s eyes. She felt swamped by her love for both him and Dahui. She could feel the tides of his own love washing over her. He had made a place in his life for her. In his heart for her. In his family for her?
Then he spoke as though he’d heard her question and felt moved to answer it. “Will you marry me?”
She gaped at him.
“And we can explore all the delights you crave. At a pace that makes you secure,” he whispered.
She felt something bubbling up from deep within her. It escaped her heart to surface in her mouth as a quiet sob. She stifled it immediately.
“You want to marry me?”
He nodded. “But you’ll be receiving more than just me. Would you like to have a daughter, Haewon? I have one, and she wants you to be her eomma. I know she does. She has since day one. That first day in your classroom.
“That’s what scared me. It was the reason I pulled away from you. Because I could feel her love for you. And I felt like she would lose her eomma if we embraced you. But she never had her eomma,” he battled against his own sob. “I was being selfish. I was afraid I was going to lose my late wife if I embraced you. It was always about me.
“I didn’t want to open myself to pain again. It’s why I’ve avoided women for ten years. But you,” he smiled tenderly at her through the tears pooling in his eyes. As one of those tears broke free from its restraints to fall unattended down onto his cheek, he whispered, “You invaded my heart anyway. You were relentless. Constantly tugging at my heart even while I avoided you. You’re so lovable, Haewon. I just want you.”
He reached up to touch a lock of dark hair that had fallen against her cheek. He rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger as his eyes traced the glints the light was striking off of it.
“Even if it means I lose Dahui – my wife – I want you. I can’t live in the past anymore. I can’t keep embracing a woman who cannot hold me anymore.
“I need you, Haewon. I need your heat wrapping around me. I need your touch alighting on my skin. I need to feel your lips under my own. I need your words lifting me, encouraging me, fortifying me against all the chill winds of life.
“And Dahui needs you. She needs your woman’s touch. The love of an eomma. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You love her like she’s your own. She’s down deep in your heart. I have only to hope I am too.” He paused for a moment. “Am I? Your weeping gives me hope that you love me as I love you.”
Silent tears had begun to steal down her cheeks. “Yes,” she sniffed. “I will marry you if you’re sure. Are you sure? Are you sure that you won’t be tempted to touch me beyond what I am able to endure?”
“Haewon,” he smiled sweetly down at her, “I have been celibate for ten years. I can control my impulses. I don’t ever want to hurt you. Or push you past your comfort zone. I just want to be with you.”
Another sob escaped her at those precious words. “I just want to be with you too.”
She leaned towards him and brushed her lips across his. Then she drew back.
“You must talk to me, Myeong. Don’t bury your feelings and pull away from me. Tell me what you’re thinking. I too buried a spouse. I understand the things you’re struggling with. I won’t flee from you if you’re honest with me. I love you. I want you. I don’t want to give up on you. I want to stay with you. For the long haul.”
He smiled tenderly at her. “Good. We’re both decided then. I want you, and you want me. So…how soon can we marry?”
She laughed. “Well, first, you need to meet my parents…”
—
The next day, Haewon invited her parents out for lunch to meet Myeong and Dahui. They all met at one of her favorite ramen restaurants. As her parents came into the restaurant, Haewon turned towards them.
“Appa, Eomma, this is my friend, Kang Myeong and his daughter, Dahui. Dahui is my favorite student.” She smiled down at the quiet girl and whispered, “But that’s a secret. Don’t tell any of my other students.”
Dahui beamed up at her. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”
“Myeong, this is my appa, Mae Deokman, and my eomma, Mae Aemin.”
Her mother curiously studied the handsome man as they all greeted each other. Then her appa began to grill him on his job. But Mr. Mae was soon fascinated by the man’s responses. They all gravitated towards a table and placed an order. The men continued to talk business for several long minutes.
Mrs. Mae turned towards the girl. “You’re one of my daughter’s fourth grade students?”
Dahui smiled shyly at her. “Yes. Mrs. Wang is my favorite teacher. Ever!”
That brought a smile to Mrs. Mae’s face. “It’s kind of you to say so.”
“It isn’t kind. It’s the truth! She’s the best teacher I’ve ever had. I understand everything this year.”
Suddenly, Eunho’s words came back to Haewon.
“I can see you standing in front of a classroom full of fourth graders. They’re all grinning up at you as you teach them division. They love you. Almost as much as I do.”
Dahui glanced up at Haewon. “It’s true. You’ve helped me so much!” Then the girl looked at Haewon’s mother again. “And she’s taught me so much about cooking!”
Mrs. Mae quirked a dark eyebrow. “You’re teaching cooking at the school too?”
Haewon shook her head as Dahui giggled. “No, we use our kitchen. Or hers.”
Now both of Aemin’s eyebrows were dancing high. “Oh, really?” The pitch of her tone matched the height of those eyebrows.
Haewon smiled at her mother. “Eomma, Myeong and I have been seeing each other for a while.” She met her eomma’s eye. “Quite seriously.”
Aemin glanced at Myeong. “How seriously?”
Her appa had just caught on to their conversation. He glanced at Myeong. “You’re courting my daughter?”
“Yes, sir,” Myeong answered steadily.
“And the girl’s eomma?” he asked brusquely as his eyes slid towards Dahui.
“Died in childbirth ten years ago,” Myeong responded quietly.
Deokman’s eyes grew round. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“Appa, I need to use the restroom,” Dahui informed him a moment later.
As she left the table, Haewon snatched the opportunity to tell her parents just how seriously Myeong was courting her.
“Dahui doesn’t know this yet, but Myeong has asked me to marry him. And I have accepted.”
Her parents glanced at each other.
“Isn’t that awfully quick, dear?” her eomma queried.
“I don’t think so,” Haewon responded. “We’ve known each other for four months. And from the very beginning of our acquaintance, we were very comfortable with one another.” She was going to skip over a couple months’ worth of misunderstandings and misgivings. “He makes me happy. He’s a good man. I love him. And his daughter is a darling.”
“She clearly adores you,” her eomma murmured
Deokman studied the man in question. “Can you provide for my daughter?”
“I can. I’d be happy to fill you in on the state of my business if you’d like to return to my apartment with me.” Offhandedly, Myeong explained that odd offer. “It’s my office. As a single appa, I chose to work from home so that I could give Dahui the care she needed.”
Mr. Mae didn’t show it, but he was impressed. Any man who would put his daughter before his business was also likely to put his wife first. He bobbed his head shortly. “Let’s do it. After lunch.”
“Just…don’t say anything to Dahui,” Haewon interjected suddenly, her eyes beseeching both of her parents to remain silent.
“Of course not, dear,” her mother responded.
“I wanted to tell you first,” Haewon explained.
“Is the wedding soon?” Aemin asked.
Haewon glanced at Myeong. “We haven’t set a date yet, but neither of us wants to wait long.”
Her mother nodded as Dahui suddenly reappeared.
The adults steered the conversation into safer waters while young ears were listening.
—
Deokman was very impressed with Myeong on paper. The man’s financials looked perfect. He was clearly a successful businessman. And a scrupulous one.
But while he was in his apartment, Haewon’s father also studied his environment. Myeong kept a tidy home, but his daughter’s room was a little disordered, revealing that he wasn’t a drill sergeant as a parent. Myeong had also shared that he had set up a trust for his daughter from the inheritance her mother had left her. In addition, Mr. Mae observed the man’s interactions with his daughter. Myeong clearly adored her, but he also set firm boundaries. More telling, though, was the obvious affection the little girl possessed for her appa.
All of these clues gave Haewon’s appa some peace of mind about her marrying Myeong. Mr. Mae also appreciated the fact that Myeong was ten years older than Haewon. He was clearly a mature and responsible individual with no interest in sowing wild oats. Definitely an improvement over her first husband. Though, Mr. Mae could find no fault with Eunho in his treatment of Haewon. He had been a model husband to her. However, now Mr. Mae’s concern rested solely upon Myeong’s treatment of Haewon.
“How long were you married, Myeong?” Mr. Mae asked near the end of their afternoon together.
“Not quite a year.”
Deokman felt sympathy bubble up from deep within him. “Did you know your wife long?”
Myeong’s lips lifted in a slight smile. “Seven years. We were high school sweethearts.”
Deokman smiled sadly at him. “You must have adored her.”
“I did. But I also adore your daughter,” he spoke quietly yet confidently. “I know she is precious to you. Especially after all you’ve been through together. I understand that every day of her life is a gift. No one could understand that better than I.”
His eyes traced the outline of his daughter’s head as she bent over a sketch she was working on. Then he met Mr. Mae’s eyes. “I may still have my daughter, but I buried my precious wife. I promise you: I will take very good care of Haewon. I will treasure her as you have treasured her.”
Her father nodded his head. “Just make her happy. She’s known so little happiness in her life.”
