Chapter 15: Take Me, Please – October 9 – 10, 2021
One week had passed. Yun had not mentioned his proposal. Not once. He’d been afraid to bring it up. So he headed to her house one Saturday night in the middle of October just to hang out with her and chat. They hadn’t seen much of each other over the past month, and he was missing her. Like crazy.
He stopped to pick up dinner and dessert before meeting her in her bedroom. They loved to sit on her bed and chat. But tonight he could tell she was simply exhausted. He was quite disappointed. He knew she’d fall asleep soon, and he wouldn’t get much time to talk with her.
They ate their dinner. Then Tae headed for the kitchen to get dessert. But, by the time he came back with the ice cream in his hands, she was sound asleep. Sitting up. Her head resting against the wall behind her.
So he retraced his steps and put the ice cream back in the freezer. He took one quick bite before he returned to her room. He meant to scoot her down and tuck her in before he left her for the night.
But as he came to sit next to her and his eyes touched her countenance, he became absolutely fascinated by her face. He sat for several long moments simply watching her sleep.
Tae stared down at her slumbering face. She was so beautiful to him. Did she know that she was glowing these days? Pregnancy definitely agreed with her.
He reached out to run his fingertip down her cheek. Her skin was unbelievably soft. He bent towards her and buried his face in the crook of her neck as every sweet feeling he’d ever had towards her coalesced in his soul. A sob began to build in the center of those emotions. Because he wanted her, but he knew that was impossible. They were, quite simply, friends.
He had lost his chance with her. He’d been so tied up still in feelings for a girl who had left him long ago. A girl he now realized suited him so much better as a sister. But his one regret was that it had taken him too long to recognize how very much he adored Yun.
She awoke to Tae’s face against her shoulder, his breath teasing her neck. She stilled. And was swamped by desire for him. A yearning so intense invaded her heart that she couldn’t hold back the sob that instantly formed in her chest. It escaped her lips, and she froze, completely mortified. She squeezed her eyes shut.
His head came flying up. “What’s wrong, Yun?”
He spoke her name so tenderly.
If only.
If only that sweet sound was an indication that he loved her as she still loved him. She couldn’t speak. She threw her arms around him.
As he’d spoken, his breath had passed over her lips. He was facing her, but even with her eyes closed, she could tell his face was so near hers. She worked on stilling herself from the inside out. However, she still wasn’t prepared for the tenderness she found in his gaze when she opened her eyes.
She couldn’t have explained what happened then. But as she stared into those gentle eyes, the eyes of the boy she’d loved for more than two years now, she leaned towards him. She’d meant to rest her forehead against his own. Somehow her lips bumped his instead.
Causing a flood to descend upon them both. Her eyes fluttered shut. So did his. Neither of them pulled away. Tae lost himself there in her kiss. Her arms tightened around his neck, pulling him even closer.
Tae took his time there, playing a melody along the bow of her beautiful lips. He teased all the warmth she felt for him out of her mouth as he tenderly kissed her soft lips. He poured every bit of his love into her mouth in that moment. The songs his heart was singing over radiated through his lips.
She was reveling in that kiss. In the gentle touch of his mouth against hers. She was melting on the inside. Within his breath upon her lips. For as his lips moved gently upon her own, his mouth parted, and his life force escaped to flow into her mouth. Awakening a desire for him that created an intense ache in both her body and soul. She longed for him. So much so she nearly offered herself to him. But what guy would want a girl who was six months pregnant with another man’s baby?
After several hot minutes of kissing, Tae drew away from her.
“We have to stop,” he muttered, mostly to himself.
He had scared himself. He had felt momentarily like he was going to lose control and start undressing her. Even now as his eyes met hers again, he was so drawn to her that his mind began to do what his fingers had refused to do.
“I want you,” he whispered.
Her stomach flipped upside down. “Okay,” she responded as a flood of heat suddenly exploded within her core.
He frowned. “Okay?”
She nodded. “You can have me.” She reached up to unbutton the top button of her shirt.
Tae’s hand descended over hers, stilling her movements. “Stop.”
Her heart sank. It was just as she’d thought. Tae didn’t really want her. How could he when her burgeoning belly was a constant reminder that she’d turned to another guy to solace her heart when Tae left her?
“You count yourself too cheap, love.”
His words were softly spoken, but they carried a weight that slid to the depths of her heart. Her eyes met his. He meant his words, but those speaking eyes of hers drew him to her yet again.
He slid his arm around her as his lips found hers again. He began to kiss her passionately once more. Their breaths mingled. She could taste him. And he could taste her. He didn’t think he’d ever get enough of that taste.
So he buried himself in it for several long moments. Reveling in her scent. In the feel of her mouth beneath his. In the savor delighting his tongue right now. They had never kissed this deeply when they were dating. He would never have dared to touch her like this. So why was he daring now?
He didn’t want to dishonor her. He didn’t want her to think that because she’d made a mistake with a guy that she was now fair game for any guy who fancied her. He wanted her to know she was just as precious to him now that she had fallen as she had been when she’d been exclusively his. So he began to slowly withdraw himself from her.
First, he collected his tongue and put it back in his own mouth. Then his lips moved more slowly against her own. Until they finally stilled. He brushed them softly one last time across her mouth. Then his nose began to trace patterns across her cheek.
He wanted to be near her. To breathe the same air she did. To lose himself in her softness. And in her scent. And in her taste. But he was forcing himself to back up. Still, his nose lingered there. On her soft skin. His lips rejoicing in her breath that continued to slip past them.
How was the touch of the tip of his nose against her cheek undoing her? Combined with his breath, which kept slipping across her skin, he was wooing every single cell in her body. She wanted with everything within her to give herself to him. But he seemed to be withdrawing from her. Pulling away. Even as his nose teased her skin. But he was making her feel cherished anyway. Seonghan had never been quite this tender with her. And no one had touched her in months.
She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed being touched innocently. Like a sweet hug. Or fingertips resting on her arm. Or the simplest brush of someone’s lips across her skin. Or his nose slipping over her cheek…
She didn’t yet realize that awakening to that truth was causing tears to flow down her skin. But a moment later, Tae’s nose discovered one wet trail. And his lips began to brush it away.
Yunseong began to weep, puffs of air escaping her lips as she fought for breath. For the ache in her heart was now unbearable. After a few moments of enduring all her heart could take of his innocent touch, she tore herself from his embrace and ran for the bathroom. She didn’t emerge until he’d left for the day.
—
He had waited for her to come out of the bathroom. For an hour. But he had instinctively known she was hiding from him. He’d been shocked by her passionate response to his kiss. Was it him she was craving? Or Seonghan?
There was only one way to find out. He couldn’t leave things as they’d been for months now. Every time he was around her, she did funny things to his heart. And his feelings for her were growing in intensity. He had to test the waters. He just hoped he didn’t lose a beautiful friendship in the process.
—
Tae was beaming down at Yunseong. His hands were hidden behind his back while a mischievous smile played about his lips. She’d let him into the house a few moments ago. A little awkwardly as they both recalled their passionate embrace of yesterday. She’d just turned towards him after leading him to her bedroom.
“Tae…what are you up to?”
He grinned. His eyes were intent on her face. “I have a present for the baby. A little something I picked up for her.”
Her heart melted. “What is it?” she whispered.
She stared up at him as a wave of sorrow crashed against the shoreline of her soul. So many regrets. So much pain she could have avoided if she had just been more patient with Tae.
“I’m sorry, Tae,” she whispered suddenly.
“What?” his voice cracked. His eyebrows tried to meet over his nose. “What are you sorry for?”
She blinked. A tear ran down her cheek. He was staring at that moist stain when she spoke.
“I am so sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t more patient with you. When you broke up with me. I was just so crushed, I…” Her voice faded away.
His face seemed to be melting. “Just…will you open the present?”
She breathed a deep sigh. “All right.”
She accepted the rectangular package and began to tear the wrapping off of it. As the paper fell away, a white onesie was revealed. It had something written on it, but she couldn’t quite make it out since some of the letters were hidden. She picked it up and shook it out. Then her gaze scanned it. She gasped and dropped the tiny shirt. Her eyes flew to his.
Tae bent and picked up the little shirt without taking his eyes off of hers. He held it up in front of her as he recited its message.
“Will you marry me, Yun?”
She stared at him as tears poured down her cheeks. “How can you – possibly,” she sobbed, “want me now?” She hiccupped. “You didn’t want me then, when I was perfect, untouched, not carrying somebody else’s baby. How could you want me now? In the state I’m in?”
“This is my fault,” he murmured as he glanced down at her burgeoning belly.
“What? Tae, how on earth is this your fault? I don’t remember you being in that bed with me that night,” she joked as a rueful smile tugged at her lips.
His eyes met hers again. “I broke your heart. I walked away from you. Jungkook warned me, but I left you to that jerk. I let you get hurt.”
“No. Tae,” she whispered. “This was my decision. I decided to pursue a relationship with an older man. I knew he was dangerous. From the very beginning. I just felt a little…wild.”
“Because I broke your heart.”
“Tae. This wasn’t your fault. You were still in love with Eunji. I was the fool twice over. First, for falling for a guy who was in love with someone else. Then, for falling for a guy who was in love with only himself. My biggest regret is that I chose to sleep with a jerk. With a guy who was so wrapped up in himself that he wouldn’t even care for his own child.”
She sat down on her bed and put her face in her hands and began to sob. “How could I do this to myself? How could I allow a child to be created? A baby who won’t ever know her appa? After all I’ve been through?”
He sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Yun. I’m here. I’ll be your baby’s appa.”
She glanced up at him through her tears. “Tae. You are too good. You don’t deserve to be stuck with me for a wife. To be the stepfather of a little girl you had nothing to do with creating. I could never do such a thing to you. You are my best friend right now.”
She reached out and slipped her hand into his. “But someday you’re going to meet a girl who will make you completely forget about Eunji. That girl will turn your head and make your heart so happy. And you’ll deserve that love. I hope you find her soon.”
She squeezed his hand before dropping it, then she stood up. “Thanks for the pity proposal. It was so sweet of you. A most original way to propose. But you don’t deserve me, Tae. You don’t deserve any of this. I just wish I had, at least, been smart enough to finish college first.”
She walked over to the window and stared out at the leaves falling from the trees. Blurs of orange and burgundy floated through the air on their way to the ground.
“Eomma has told me I can live here for as long as I need. Eventually, Yuni will be able to babysit for me while I go to work.”
Her eyelids felt heavy, so she let them fall to close out the colorful world on the other side of her window. She couldn’t breathe again. The thought of leaving her baby with someone else while she went to work all day long was breaking her heart. It was robbing her of breath. Silent tears leaked out under the shutters of her sorrowful soul.
Suddenly, strong arms surrounded her from behind. She was being pulled up against a firm torso. Trapped within that sweet embrace, she leaned her head back against his chest. Someday Tae would fall in love with a beautiful girl, and Yunseong would watch her best friend fade from her life again. She’d truly be all alone then. She should cherish this time right now.
But she was sobbing so hard she couldn’t contain it. He released her and turned her around to face him. He reached into his pocket. He had come prepared for this moment. He pulled a Kleenex out and used it to wipe her nose himself.
“Tae!” she rebuked him as she laughed in embarrassment.
But he persisted in wiping her face. Once it was all cleaned, he stuffed the Kleenex into his pocket and stared intently down at her. Then he bent his head and kissed her lips. Was all the passion in his soul bleeding out through his mouth?
His lips moved tenderly over her own. She closed her eyes without meaning to. She was clinging to him. She had never stopped loving him. How many nights over the past five months had she dreamed this scenario?
But she hadn’t dreamed the moisture running down her cheeks. She thought they must be her own tears until Tae suddenly sobbed into her mouth. She drew back and saw that his whole face was tear-stained.
“Tae?” she furrowed her brow.
“I’ve already found her. The girl who turns my head and makes my heart happy,” he admitted, his breath passing over her face. “And so does her baby.
“I love you, Yun,” he sobbed. “I love you with my whole heart. Please…marry me. Let me take care of you and your little darling. I want a daughter too. I want your daughter. I want to be her appa. I want to carry her around on my shoulders. I want to take on her bullies. I want to be the appa that greets her each day after school. Let him be me.”
She watched as tears filled his eyes and overwhelmed them to flow down his cheeks again.
“Please, Yun. I mean it. This time I know. I’m completely over Eunji. When I found out you were pregnant, my heart broke a thousand times worse than when I learned she was pregnant with Joon’s baby. Because I knew this was my fault. If I hadn’t pushed you away, you would never have turned to that jerk…
“I was so jealous. I wanted your baby to be my baby. When I found out he’d left you, my heart broke for you. But it also rose for me. Because I believed that maybe I was getting a second chance to make things right with you. I could be your baby’s appa. I could have you again. You could be mine. Please…say you’ll be mine, Yun.”
He hiccupped suddenly. His face was a wreck. She glanced around her room before lunging for the Kleenex box on her nightstand. She pulled out a tissue and lifted her hand up to wipe his face now. But he reached up to still her hand.
“Yun?”
“Tae…” She gazed up at him as her heart broke in her eyes. “Are you sure?”
He grabbed that Kleenex and blew his nose. Then he stuffed the spent tissue into his pocket and tugged her close to him. His mouth descended upon her own, and he showed her how serious he was.
Breathless a few moments later, they separated. He fell down on his knees in front of her and grabbed her hand. He drew it to his lips. Then he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her belly.
“Please marry me,” he appealed to Yun as he glanced up into her eyes. Then his lips brushed the shirt that had been pulled tight across her abdomen. “Please let me be your appa,” he begged the baby hiding under that shirt.
Yunseong burst into tears. She dropped to her knees in front of him. “Tae. I love you. I have always loved you. Ever since I first kissed you. I never stopped loving you. Even when I turned to Seonghan. I just bound my heart up and shoved it down deep inside of me where I could ignore the truth. If you truly want me, you can have me. Though…I don’t know why you’d want me now…when you didn’t want me then…”
He leaned forward, slipping his arms tightly around her and pulling her close to him until their lips touched. “I want you, Yun. I love you. I want you with all my heart. You and your baby girl. I promise I’ll love her with my whole heart. As though she was my very own. She is. From this moment forward, she is mine.”
Then his lips, which had been murmuring against her own, pressed harder against her mouth. He kissed her ravenously for several moments. His arms cherished her the whole time. Then she felt his hand descend to her abdomen. He began to gently stroke her baby bump. And she lost it again.
The man’s tenderness knew no bounds.
––
Suddenly, his lips stilled against hers, and he abruptly lifted his head. “What was that?” he asked as his face went blank.
Yunseong smiled. “That, Tae, was your daughter greeting her appa.”
He glanced down in wonder at the little darling moving beneath his hand on her eomma’s belly.
“She’s saying hello to you. We’re both in agreement, Tae. You can be her appa.”
Tae bent over, and his face came to hover near his hand. He could still feel their baby moving beneath his fingers.
“You’re mine, darling,” he whispered to her. Then he glanced up at Yunseong. “This beautiful baby is mine, Yun. She’s our baby.”
As he looked back down at her abdomen, he gasped in awe as the baby girl suddenly moved away from his hand and he saw a visible ripple flow across Yunseong’s belly. He followed that current with his lips as he tried to give his baby her first kiss.
