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Chapter 24: A Pile of Ash – Christmas 2015

Jin lay in his bed mourning.  Mourning the loss of his precious Yura.  The girl he’d loved for over a decade.  The girl he’d been destined to marry.  The love of his life who would give him a beautiful daughter and an adorable son.  The precious woman meant to make him an appa.  

He closed his eyes as another sob escaped his lips.  Scene after scene played out across the canvas of his mind’s eye.  He and Yura laughing together.  Playing together.  Studying together.  Eating together.  They had done everything together for ten long years.  And, suddenly, she was just gone from his life.

He couldn’t believe it.  He couldn’t wrap his heart around it.  How could she be gone?  

They were perfectly suited to each other.  They always had been.  Like two puzzle pieces that fit together in the corner of the board.  Establishing the border for the other pieces.  Creating a foundation upon which everything else was built.  How could Jin face the rest of his life without that dove-tailed puzzle piece?  

Nothing would fit.  The foundation was destroyed.  How could he build a new life?  What on earth did he have to look forward to if he would never see her smile again?  Or hear her laughter?  Or feel her cradled in his arms?  Or kiss those soft lips?

Would his heart ever stop aching?  He was fairly certain that it wouldn’t.  That without Yura the rest of his life would be flooded with this echoing pain.  That what was meant to be a thing of beauty would forever be a recurring nightmare.  Waking every morning to discover afresh that she was gone.  Disappeared from his life.

Suddenly, a vivid memory surfaced.  A hot summer’s day.  They’d been washing his appa’s car together a couple of years ago.  She’d just returned from vacation with her parents.  Jin had been overjoyed to see her.  

He had been functioning that day at his corniest.  The dad jokes had been flying all day long.  He was holding the hose in his hand when he was suddenly struck by more inspiration.  He stuck his finger on the end to break up the spray into several smaller streams.  

He held it out towards Yura and drenched her from head to toe as he hollered, “Hey!  I mist you!”

She had come barreling towards him and had knocked him onto his back on the grass.  He had laughed so hard that he couldn’t breathe, but his arms had snaked around her, dragging her to his chest.  Trapping her within the circle of his strong arms.

As she’d gazed down at him, he had suddenly sobered.  

“No matter where you go, Yura, I will always miss you.  And I will always be waiting here with open arms to welcome you home when your journey has come to its end.”

She had stared down at him for a few moments, an odd light in her eye.

“I love you, Yura,” he’d breathed.

Then she’d smiled.  “I love you too, Jin.  Now and forever.”  

She’d bent her head and kissed him.  Such a sweet kiss.  He could still taste it.  He could still feel her lips moving under his.  He could still feel her snuggled up against the length of him.  

He could hear her breathing.  It had been labored when she’d first knocked him down.  But then as she’d stared down at him, it had slowed.  Still, her breath had flowed across his face as she’d bent over him.  He’d gazed up at her, his heart in his eyes.  She was his forever girl.  

He’d always felt so blessed to have found the love of his life as a child.  To know the one his heart had chosen to cling to forever.  And to know that she’d returned his affection and latched onto his dreams of the future.  That she had shared them and looked forward to them with anticipation.

But that was all dust now.  Ashes.  That’s all he had left of his scorched dreams.  Just a pile of ash.  Where once his heart had been.