Chapter 10: Little by Little – January 2 – February 6, 2021
Seonghan had kissed her for a little while, and then he had driven her home. Just as she’d expected. Yuni had been worried for nothing. Her twin had been her typical self. Overreacting to the slightest provocation. Dreaming up dragons where there were only unicorns.
Still, Yunseong felt a wave of sadness when she encountered Yuni’s closed door. In the old days, when she’d return from a date with Tae, she and her sister had been in the habit of sitting up and chatting for an hour. Yuni had always wanted all the details. She would quietly sketch while Yunseong yammered on about all the funny things Tae had said and done on their date. When had he ceased being so much fun? And when had Yuni stopped listening to her?
A dangerous thing was happening to Yunseong. She was drifting far from everyone. Except Seonghan. A man she barely knew. Who had already proven that he was interested in an adult relationship with her.
Clearly, she couldn’t speak of such things to her eomma. In the past, she would have sought out Yuni. But not tonight. Not after the way she’d deliberately hurt Yuni. She couldn’t tell Seokie either. He would become overprotective. She didn’t need her big brother trying to beat up her boyfriend. And Tae wasn’t even her friend anymore.
Not that she would have felt like telling him the details of her date. But she had no one now to tell about all the exciting things that Seonghan made her feel. Or the way he made her laugh. Her best friend from high school had gone to Seoul to attend college there. And her own university was proving a harder ground upon which to make friends than high school had been. In fact, of late, most of her friends had been guys. She had once been close to Jungkook too. But after the way she’d treated Yuni tonight, and the quick defense he’d provided for her, Yunseong felt alienated from him also.
Why didn’t anyone else like Seonghan as much as she did? He made her feel…alive. Desirable. Important. No longer invisible.
She had struck upon it. Tae had been making her feel invisible for weeks now. Maybe he hadn’t meant to. But he had accomplished such a feat after all. Whether he did it on purpose or not.
Yunseong was weary of being invisible. She wanted someone to appreciate her for her. She yearned for someone to see her. To love her. To want her. Just the way she was.
Yuni expected her to change to fit her ideal. Jungkook expected her to follow the rules and watch her step. Tae had expected her to settle for less than the best. Didn’t anyone love her for herself? Didn’t they want her to be happy?
Seonghan did. And he made her happy. So she was going to spend as much time with him as she could. Even if they didn’t like it.
—
Over the next month, she met him several times a week for lunch or dinner. Sometimes, they went to see a movie. More often they went to the little hill that overlooked the city. Only, after the first night, he invited her into the comfort and warmth of his backseat. Where her journey with him really began…
—
In the beginning, he simply shared his kisses with her. He seemed content to hold her close and ravish her mouth with his own. She grew accustomed to his deep kisses and even began to crave them. They clearly enjoyed making out in the back of his vehicle together.
But a couple of weeks after their second date, he upped the ante. The first time he touched her somewhere unexpected, she recoiled. But the more persistent his fingers were, the quicker she realized that what he was doing felt good. And awakened other more intense desires within her. He was a master at touching her. In all the right places. Again, she questioned the level of his experience.
But she didn’t camp there long. She was enjoying the sensations he caused to cascade throughout her body. So, when he invited her back to his apartment a few weeks after their first date, she smiled at him and agreed to go with him.
They spent a wonderful hour doing delightful things to each other on his couch. A few days later, they visited his bed. Still, she had managed to escape with her virginity intact. But it wouldn’t be long before that too was gone…
One night she lied to her eomma. She told her she was staying over at a friend’s house. She solaced herself with the fact that Seonghan was her friend. But he didn’t have a house. He had an apartment. And she had led her eomma to believe she was staying with a girl. But she hadn’t lied outright. She’d said “friend.” But she hadn’t clarified with “boyfriend.”
But Yuni had known. Yunseong had seen that haunted echo in her eyes again.
Before Yunseong left that night, Yuni trapped her in her bedroom. She shut the door and faced her.
“Give me his address,” she whispered.
“What? Why?”
“So that if you need me to rescue you, I know where to find you.”
“Yuni.” Yunseong was feeling exasperated, but she knew her sister truly loved her, so she tried to be gentle. “Look. I’m ready. We’ve been taking our time. I’ve been making out with him for weeks. I want to do this.”
Tears filled Yunyeong’s eyes. “That’s what you think now. But you might change your mind like I did. It’s scary, Yun,” she whispered.
“I won’t change my mind. I want to do this. I like the way he makes me feel. We’ve been pretty intimate before. We’ve done everything except going all the way. There’s nothing left to scare me but a bit of pain. And I’ll survive that.”
Yuni was in agony as she gazed at her sister. “What about Tae? Won’t you regret this when this guy leaves you? Won’t you wish you’d waited for someone who loves you?”
Yunseong was getting angry. Yuni was pushing her buttons again.
“I told you not to mention Tae again! This has absolutely nothing to do with him! He’s not in my life anymore. This is my decision. I’m going to do what I want.”
Yunyeong stood staring at her. She’d had a similar attitude. Right up until it had fled. And she’d resisted. And he had forced her. He had bent her to his will. And devastated her soul. And her body.
“Please. Just give me his address. I promise I won’t come if you don’t text me.”
Yunseong had rolled her eyes and texted Yuni his address.
“I expect you to keep that information to yourself. The last thing I need is Jungkook showing up to break down the door at one-thirty in the morning.”
—
For hours after Yunseong left her house, Yuni’s parting words to her rang in her ears.
“Yun, you’re worth more than this. Somebody will want you.”
—
She lay tangled in Seonghan’s sheets a few hours later. She cracked an eye open in the dark and felt a moment of regret as Tae’s sweet face suddenly floated up before her. But, as always, she pushed it to the side. She might once have meant to save her first time for him. But it was too late for that now. It was too late for a lot of things…
