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Chapter 2: You Are My Beloved – December 13, 2020

It was a bright winter’s day when Jungkook led Yunyeong out into their garden.  They had arrived at his grandparents’ home the night before.  After dark.  Then, while they slept, it had snowed.  As though Heaven had read his heart and complied with his wishes.  If he couldn’t lead her into a garden full of blossoming roses, then he wanted snow.  It did, after all, represent a new beginning.

She had just woken up a few minutes ago.  He had been awake since four.  Unable to sleep.  Aware that she was sleeping in the room he used to occupy at his grandparents’ house.  Today, he’d awoken on their couch.  He’d pushed back the shade and turned on the outside light to reveal an ashen sky and a pure white landscape.  And his grin had transformed his whole face into a thing of utter beauty.  

Today he was dreaming of the future and praying she was ready to also.  He had lain back down on the couch and closed his eyes to indulge in his favorite daydreams of a glorious future with her.  Such fantasies revolved around a walled garden and a small boy.  But as the dream progressed, a tiny girl replaced the little boy in riding on her smiling appa’s happy shoulders as he ran around a rose bush.  His wife lay lazily enjoying their hammock.  While their son slept in her arms under the shade of their apple tree.

Jungkook had found the perfect ring.  A blossoming rose, its petals lovingly crafted from rose gold.  The band was pure yellow gold, the leaves of the rose were silver, and the center of the rose was a stunning diamond.  Just perfect for a proposal in a secret rose garden.

He’d risen at six, showered, and dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and black jeans.  His gorgeous, raven locks had been falling rakishly across his forehead when she’d stumbled into the living room half an hour later.  She’d come to a sudden stop when she glanced up into those captivating, obsidian eyes of his.  As her gaze had perused the rest of him, her heart had released a sigh of yearning.  Her eyes had slid along his beautiful physique before seeking out his lovely eyes once again.  The man was simply…overwhelming.

He was so gorgeous that he made her feel self-conscious.  No.  That wasn’t quite true.  He had once made her feel so.  But now, his love wrapped so tightly around her that she knew she was perfectly accepted in his presence.  She had no need to be conscious of her flaws when she was with him, for he was oblivious to them.  Even the one that chafed her the most.

Kookie loved her.  With all his heart.  Through his actions, and his words, he had made that abundantly clear to her.  A longing filled his gaze sometimes when they sat simply staring at each other.  They did that occasionally.  In the quiet of her room.  She’d glance up from a sketch she was drawing to catch his eye wandering over the top of one of his schoolbooks. And they would both find themselves caught there.  In the other’s eyes.  Honestly, those were her favorite moments with him.

In the beginning, she had feared that when he got to know her better, he would change his mind.  Decide she wasn’t worth the bother.  But that hadn’t happened.  They’d spent hours talking – days, probably, were they to add up the hours.  And he had still liked her.  In fact, it had seemed to her that he loved her even more after all those conversations.  Conversations during which they had discovered they had much in common.  

But they were also excellent at silence.  At just resting in the presence of the other.  Simply enjoying breathing together.  He’d read or play a video game while she sketched.  Sometimes he’d doodle.  He wasn’t half-bad at artwork either.  But he preferred to bow to her superior skill.  

That was another thing.  He always marveled at what she produced.  Like she was the world’s most amazing author and its most talented artist.  She’d laugh, for she knew she wasn’t.  But he had talked her into turning her book into a series.  She was currently working on the seventh book.  

He’d encouraged her to follow her dreams wherever they led her.  He was even now trying to convince her to send her first book off to a publisher.  But she’d been resisting his attempts.  For over a year.  She just didn’t believe it was that good.  But he insisted that he needed to see it in a finished form.  He wanted a hardback copy of that beautiful book.  A signed copy.

As he cleared his throat, she was instantly brought back to the present moment.  She blinked.  

“Kookie, you look amazing.  But why do I get the feeling something is going on?  I expected to find you in your sweats still.”  She glanced down at her burgundy sweatshirt and blue jeans.  “I feel like I’m underdressed.”

“You look beautiful.”  His eyes caressed hers before they slid down her frame.  “You know red is my favorite color, right?  And you look amazing in burgundy.  Something about your golden hair…”

She smiled.  Kookie was so sweet.  

“So…what is it that I’m not dressing up for?  I have the feeling you’ve been waiting for me.”

How did she know that? 

His lips twitched.  “You always have this sixth sense about me.”

“Do I?”  She glanced towards the window.  “I hadn’t the foggiest notion you were building me a garden.”

“No,” his face sobered as a slight expression of awe filled it.  “Since then.  Since we’ve begun spending all our free time together, you’ve been able to read my emotions.  My moods.  Sometimes, my thoughts.”

“Hmm.  You’re not that hard to figure out, Kookie.  You have such a pure heart.  I just think of something nice and, generally, that’s it.”

“No,” he murmured, “it’s more than that.  And I’m not as perfect as you think.  I have my flaws.  My failures.  My shortcomings.”

She scanned him.  “I don’t see them.”

“I know,” he whispered.  “But what will you do if the day comes when you do see them?”

Her face broke into a sweet smile as she crossed the room to him.  “Should that day ever arrive, I shall love you.  Just as you are.  Just as you have loved me.”

She slid her arms around his waist as she bumped up against him.  She tilted her face towards his. 

“No one,” she breathed, “could ever love me better than you do, Kookie.  You know that, don’t you?”  There were tears in her voice.  And their sheen in her eyes.

“Are you certain?” he whispered, showing a vulnerability he usually kept hidden.  He reached out and put his arms around her loosely.

“There’s not one doubt in my mind.”  She sighed.  “Kookie, you saw my walls and didn’t let them daunt you.  You climbed them.  Then you knocked them down.  You looked at me and saw someone worth pursuing when I was doing my best to hide from every man on the planet.  How could I not love you for fighting for me?”

A tear slid down her cheek.  It still overwhelmed her when she let herself think about it.  This rare love of his for her.  She had never known another man like him.  Not in her whole life.  Her appa was a good man.  But he had never worked so hard to pursue her eomma.  

There was something special about Kookie.  He was like that beautiful garden he had designed just for her.  His presence smelled so sweet.  His heart released a fragrance that never failed to woo her.  It wrapped around her, enticing her to trust him.

But, like those gray stone walls, he was also tall and strong.  Not easily broken.  And so protective.  A stalwart defense against the cold world of loneliness that she had been drowning in for so long.  

It was more than that.  She had been trapped in the darkness.  Drowning in a pit of despair.  But no one had known.  So none – not even those who loved her – had come to rescue her.  Until she’d met Kookie.  

He had seen that to which others had been blind.  That she was trapped in a prison.  But, instead of forcing his way in, he had painstakingly surrounded that dungeon with the light of his love.  Until it had illuminated her pain.  Then, so tenderly, he had simply loved her until she’d been willing to allow him to pull her from that black hole.  Into his loving arms.

Another tear slid down her other cheek.  And Kookie’s slender fingers were there to catch it.

“Don’t cry, love,” he whispered as he bent to kiss her lips softly.  Then he murmured against them, “I want you to join me in our garden this morning.  But if you’re crying, the tears will freeze on your face.”

She sniggered.  And sniffed.  Jungkook reached for a Kleenex.  He tenderly wiped her cheek before handing the tissue to her so she could blow her nose.  His eyes were red-rimmed now from the tears he couldn’t hold back. As he watched her, twin tears slid down his cheeks too.  She glanced up at him and laughed.

“Aren’t we a pair?  Perhaps we should wait to head to the garden.  Wouldn’t want those tears freezing on your skin either.”

“No.  We must go now,” he whispered with urgency.

A deep valley appeared between her brows.  Then she reached up to cup his cheek.  She ran her thumb across one glistening tear track.  

“How I love your tears, Kookie.  They are precious to me.  I have never met another man with a heart as tender as yours.  It’s no wonder you wooed mine.”  She stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips across that beloved cheek.  Then she breathed into his ear, “What’s the hurry?  The garden will still be there later.”

He was grateful that he could truthfully murmur, “But the snow might not be.”

“Snow?” she asked in a delighted tone.  

She released him but reached down to tangle her fingers with his own.  She tugged on his hand, drawing him towards the window.  She gasped as she looked outside.  “Oh, Kookie!  It’s just lovely!  Like the world has been born anew!”  There was a touch of wonder in her voice.  “I love the snow.”

“Me too,” he murmured.  

Though, truthfully, he wasn’t looking at the snow right now.  His gaze was captured by the beauty standing beside him.  The one who had threaded her fingers with his.  And kissed his cheek.  And loved his tears.

“Let’s get our coats on and head out to the garden,” he whispered.

She nodded and reluctantly released his hand.  She headed for her room.  A moment later, she returned wearing a burgundy coat that nearly matched her sweatshirt.  Jungkook grinned as he caught sight of her.  

She was especially beautiful in that color.  It was an autumn hue, just like her magnificent and unusual hair.  Unusual for Korea, anyway.  But his eyes loved to dance among those dark gold locks.  When he sat out under the sunshine with her, he enjoyed watching the way it played upon the strands, striking glints off of them.  

He looked quite dashing in his black coat.  She had convinced him to buy a smaller one than usual, so it wasn’t dwarfing him.  She knew he wanted to be comfortable, but she also liked to see at least a hint of his powerful physique.  That was all she’d had to say to convince him to buy clothing two sizes smaller than he was accustomed to.

“Kookie, you have a beautiful body.  You don’t need to hide it under a bed sheet.”  

The day she’d spoken those words to him, he’d been wearing a sweatshirt that had been at least three sizes too big.  And his pants had been two sizes larger than what he needed.  If not for the drawstring, he would never have been able to keep them up.

“Or are you waiting to dazzle my eyes the day your pants suddenly fall off?” she’d teased him with a gleam in her eye.

“Are you eager to see me without my pants on?” he’d asked her.

“Not particularly.  Though, in the right pants, your legs do look about ten miles long.  So, in that case, I would then be able to confirm whether or not they really are, in fact, ten miles long.”

“I can assure you: they are not.”

“No?” she’d frowned.  “How disappointing.”  Then, after a moment of her eyes continuing to tease his, she’d murmured, “Who are you hiding from anyway?” 

But Kookie had chosen not to answer that question.

Now, he reached for her hand.  They interlaced their fingers again before they headed for the garden.  As he was about to open the back door, she stopped him.

“Wait a moment.  Let’s just stare out at this pristine beauty.  We’ll ruin it with our footprints.  I want to enjoy it a while longer.”

But Jungkook could have been forgiven if his eyes strayed to the beauty by his side instead of the one blanketing his grandparents’ backyard.  The joy on her face was palpable.

“You really do love the snow, don’t you?” he breathed as his eyes caressed that beloved face.

She nodded.  “In the city, it disappears so fast under moving cars and trampling feet.”  She glanced up at him.  “Is there a way to leave the backyard untouched yet still get to the garden?”

“If we go out the front door and walk around.”

“Can we do that, Kookie?”

He smiled.  “Of course.”

A few breathless minutes later – after she’d watched the snow glistening under the rising sun and Jungkook had drunk in his fill of her delightful countenance – they trudged across the front yard, reluctantly leaving footprints in the snow.  But there was no way to avoid it; they could get to the garden no other way.  Some snow somewhere was bound to be disturbed.  At least, they’d left the majority of the pristine backyard intact.

As they entered the garden, Yunyeong noticed something new.  A beautiful wrought iron bench.  It was situated near the middle of the garden.  A row of rose bushes lined the back of it.  She glanced up at him.

“You added a bench!”

He nodded.  “Do you like it?”

“I do,” she bobbed her head emphatically.  “Especially covered in snow.”  An inch of snow lined that intricate bench.

“That’s a pity.  I was going to brush it off and have you sit down on it.”

“Ooh, that sounds lovely too.”  She pulled her phone from her pocket.  “Let me snap a picture of it first.”  After a moment, she added as she pulled on his arm to turn him around, “Let’s take a selfie with it before we disturb it.”

He was laughing as she snapped the photograph.  Then he led her to the bench and bent to brush the snow off with a glove he’d just pulled from his pocket.

“What’s that?” she asked.

Jungkook finished dusting off the bench before turning towards her.  “What?”

“I don’t know.  It looks like a little box.”

His eyes grew wide.  “Oh!”  

Quick as a flash of lightning, he pounced on that tiny box.  He scooped it up with his hand.  Then he frowned as he dusted it off.  It had snow all over it.  He glanced up at her.

“Yuni, have a seat.  Please.”

He had an oddly intent expression on his face.  It was in his eyes too.  She sat down.  As she began to feel breathless.  She could feel his excitement.

Suddenly, he stepped forward and fell down on his knees in front of her.  Her eyes widened.  

“Yuni, I love you.  So much.  Would you – will you marry me?”

—

She sat stunned, staring down at the most beautiful boy in the whole world.  His raven locks had fallen across his forehead, enticing her to play with them.  His whole face was lit up with apprehension and hope.  His deep, obsidian eyes were begging her to take his hand.  She desired to embrace him.   She wanted to slide her fingers through those midnight bangs.  She longed to lose herself kissing those soft lips.  They were so soft…

She yearned for all of him.  And he was offering her that.  But there was one thing that she feared.  Even concerning Jungkook.

She gazed up at him as tears filled her eyes.  “I…I want to.  I want to be with you always.  But…”  The tears spilled over as a sob left her mouth.  “I’m scared.”

Jungkook’s face fell, but his concern for her overrode his dismay.  He stood up to sit down next to her on the bench.  He slid the box into his jacket pocket.  And reached for her hand.  

As his warm hand came down over the top of her cold one, she shivered.

“What’s wrong, Yuni?  What are you afraid of?”

She was trembling.  She didn’t even want to speak it.  But that gift that Jungkook thought she had – the one that made her sensitive to his moods, thoughts, and feelings – seemed to also operate within him.

“You’re afraid to have sex with me, aren’t you?  Because of what he did to you and how awful it was.”

She glanced up at him.  And nodded.

“He took your virginity, right?”

Her eyes wide, she nodded again.

“You know it only hurts the first time, right?”

She bobbed her head again.  “I know.  It’s just…it was so horrible.”  She began to cry again.

He reached for her and pulled her into his arms.  He rested his chin on the top of her head.  “I know.  But it was so awful because it was against your will.  And he had no care for you.  But I love you, Yuni.  I would take my time with you.  I would make sure that you enjoyed what I was doing to you.  And if you didn’t, we would stop.”

“But what if I’m broken?  What if I can’t ever cross that line?” she wailed.

“That’s not true.  I don’t believe that’s true.  Lots of girls have suffered some sort of sexual violation, and they go on to marry and have children.”

“But are they happy?” she gasped.

Sadly, Jungkook sighed.  “I can’t answer that.”  His lips brushed the top of her head.  “But I’m willing to take my chances with you, Yuni.  The sooner, the better.  And I will work to make you happy.”

“You want me that much?” she whispered.

“I love you that much,” he countered.  He drew away from her to gaze down into her eyes, but he still held her within the circle of his arms.  “Would you, at least, look at the ring before you decide?”

She blinked up at him, and another tear slid down her cheek.  She nodded.  She was intensely curious.  He reached into his pocket and withdrew the box.  He popped the lid open. 

She stared in wonder down at the little, jeweled rose.  She gasped.  It was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen.  And so apt.

“You are my rose, Yuni.  You will never be less than that to me.  That man could not steal the thing that makes you so precious to me.  Nothing you do, nothing you say, nothing you believe about yourself will ever sway me.  My heart chose you.  I’m taken.  I’m not reversing course.  

“My only hope,” his voice broke, “is that you’ll accept me.  Then, we can begin the process of healing your heart.  Please.  Give me a chance.  Take a leap of faith with me.”

She tore her eyes off that captivating ring to gaze up into his even more mesmerizing eyes.  Those eyes were flooded with tears.  As he stared down at her, they shone with love.  He blinked, and several tears were released to flood his cheeks.  But he didn’t care.  He wouldn’t cease caressing her with those amazing eyes of his.  Left unattended, those tears continued their journey down his cold cheeks.

Suddenly, she remembered his concern about frozen tears.  She reached up to thread her arms around his neck.  She half stood up to climb up on his lap.  Her knees brushed the bench as she came face to face with him, covering his body with her own.  She stopped when her face was directly in front of his.  

Then she leaned forward, and her lips embraced his cheek.  She was going to kiss those tears away.  Her soft lips brushed against those tracks.  At one point, the tip of her tongue darted out to capture a recalcitrant tear.  As it grazed his skin, he gasped.

His arms were already surrounding her; they tightened slightly, drawing her a little closer.  Her lips continued to brush his cheek.  Then they traveled across his nose to wipe from his other cheek the evidence of his tenderness for her.

Kissing his face was melting her for some reason.  Maybe it was the expression of pure vulnerability that was written there.  But when her lips had stopped ministering to his skin, they slid down to his lips.  And she let her heart speak through her mouth.  Every tender emotion she felt for him slid through her lips to comfort his own.  

Jungkook was distressed.  

Was she going to refuse him?  Kiss him, yes.  But refuse his hand?  

He began trembling with the fear that he was going to lose her.  That he wasn’t enough to help her overcome her violent past.  More tears slid down his cheeks.  Suddenly, he sobbed against her mouth.  Startled, she drew away, her bottom landing on his thighs.  She gazed in concern at his face.

“What is it, Kookie?” she whispered.

“Are you…are you refusing me then?”  He reached up and wiped his coat sleeve across his nose which had begun to run.

As she stared down at the red rims of his gorgeous eyes, her heart turned over.  She shook her head.

“No!  No.  Of course not!  How could I refuse you anything?”  She leaned forward to kiss this newest batch of sorrow stains away from his face.  

But he moved his head and captured her lips with his own.  He put all of his feelings for her into that kiss.  He let the intensity of the passion and love burning in his heart for her shine through that kiss.  He had never before kissed her this deeply.  He shocked her as he opened his mouth.  She tasted him then before his tongue tentatively flirted with hers.  But rather than terrifying her, it thrilled her.  

And she felt an amazing sense of relief.  Maybe she and Kookie had a shot at happiness.  She returned his kiss with all the affection in her heart.  Then her lips trailed across his cheek to whisper into his ear.  

“If you’re willing to take a chance on a broken girl, Kookie, then I’ll marry you.”

His arms tightened around her again.  He turned his head to whisper fiercely into her own ear.  “You are not broken, Yuni.  You are mine.”  He spoke those words with extraordinary tenderness and not a little wonder.

A sense of immense acceptance filled her heart with peace as he breathed four words into her.

“You are my beloved.”