Instantly, Cami remembered how he had attacked Namjoon the first day she’d chatted with him. Namjoon had attacked Namjoon. He had been talking about himself. What exactly had he said?
She scrolled back through their messages until she found his words again.
“I’m working hard to love Namjoon. But sometimes all I can see are his mistakes. He’s too clumsy sometimes. No matter how hard he tries not to be. It’s disappointing. Will he ever get it right?”
Now as she read those words, her heart broke. Namjoon didn’t see himself clearly at all. He didn’t see how beloved he was. How precious. Everyone made mistakes. Didn’t he know that? Couldn’t he forgive himself when he slipped up? He’d fight tooth and nail to defend one of the other guys if he messed up. But he didn’t give himself the same grace.
Her eyes found more of his self-condemnation.
“And I think he doesn’t work hard enough. Being the leader of a band as big as BTS has become is a lot of responsibility. Namjoon can’t afford to be a kid. He can’t take a break. He has to fully embrace being an adult.
“He has risen to a place of tremendous influence. It’s scary, but he can’t let that stop him from being the best Namjoon he can be. But that doesn’t leave him any room for mistakes. The whole world is watching. He has to do a good job.”
A tear slid down her cheek. She flipped her phone sideways and began to type him another message.
“I have a bone to pick with you, Namjoon. You haven’t been kind to yourself. You tell me that I’m special. That I’m important. That I’m worthy of love. But what about you? When will you begin to love yourself? You’re the amazingly sweet guy who befriended a perfect stranger. Stop working hard to love yourself. Choose to love you. Just recognize that you are lovely. To me, Namjoon, you are lovely. You are wonderful. You are…my friend.”
She sent the text. How would he respond?
—
Namjoon sat staring down at her text. His lips quirked as he recognized that she had finally realized that he had been beating himself up the first time they’d chatted. In the beginning, she’d believed he was attacking her bias. And he was. But she hadn’t anticipated the twist at play. He’d been attacking himself. Not anyone else. That was acceptable, surely.
But as he read her text, he realized that it wasn’t. In her mind, it wasn’t okay that Namjoon had put himself down. She had come to his quick defense again. And now her words were echoing in his head.
“When will you begin to love yourself?
“You’re…amazingly sweet…
“Stop working hard to love yourself.
“Choose to love you.
“To me, Namjoon, you are lovely.
“You are wonderful.
“You are…my friend.”
She’d just called him her friend.
