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Later that afternoon, while Janna and Emmie are out shopping with a couple of friends, I wander by Kookie’s bedroom as he is strumming his guitar.  I can hear him humming, then suddenly he starts singing a song.

I thought Melody’s song was beautiful.  But as Kookie sings this new song, there is a note in his tone that is distinctly different.  I can hear the depths of his soul, his whole heart, being poured out through his soft voice as he sings a new tune.

“You’re a quiet one – you’re a gentle soul.

When I look into your eyes – I always feel whole.

“You make me laugh loud – you’re a funny girl.

Sometimes I feel like – you could be my whole world.

“The first time your eyes – they flashed at me.

The first time your smile – it was all I could see.

“Two long blond pigtails – shining like the sun.

I knew that you – you could be the one.”

Kookie pauses for only a moment before jumping right into the chorus.

“Emmie.

Emmie, do you see me?

“Emmie.  

Emmie, do you love me?

“Emmie.

Emmie, I can see you.

“Emmie.

“Emmie, I do love you.”

“Emmie.”

Aww.  I lean against the frame of his bedroom door and melt into a big puddle across its threshold.  I watch as my eldest son strums his guitar.  His beautiful voice picks up the second verse.

“You’re my shining one – you’re my brilliant heart.

When I look into your eyes – don’t wanna ever part.

“You make me smile now – you’re such a sweet girl.

Sometimes I feel like – you are now my whole world.

“The last time your eyes – they flashed at me.

The last time your smile – it kept reminding me.

“Two lovely brown eyes – glowing like the sun.

I know that you – you’re truly the one.”

His talented fingers pick out a short interlude before sailing into the chorus once more.  This time he belts it out with passion vibrating his voice.  And I realize that I would really love to hear someone sing my own name with that much warmth.

“Emmie.

Emmie, do you see me?

“Emmie.  

Emmie, do you love me?

“Emmie.

Emmie, I can see you.

“Emmie.

Emmie, I do love you.”

Just then, Kookie glances up at me.  I can tell by the widening of his eyes that I have just startled him.  Abruptly, his fingers cease moving.

I frown.  “Kookie, don’t stop.  Your song is absolutely beautiful.  Are you going to play it for Emmie on Christmas?”

He casts his eyes down towards his guitar as he shrugs his shoulders.  “I don’t know.  Don’t you think it would be a bit awkward?”

“Was it awkward to play for Melody?”

“Yes,” he responds emphatically as his eyes spear mine.

“Okay, but you’ve known Emmie forever.”

“That’s why it would be so awkward.  I mean, she’s always been Nana’s best friend.  And now, I…”  His gaze slips away from mine.

“Realize you’re in love with her?”

His eyes slide my way again.  He gives me a slight nod.

“All right.  You don’t have to play it for her.  You’re just letting your feelings for her find an outlet through the strings of your guitar and the cords of your voice, huh?”

His lips quirk into a sweet grin suddenly.  “Mom, are you a poet or something?  The cords of my voice?”

“The swords of your choice?” I respond, chuckling breathlessly. 

“Maybe I should have you help me write a song for Emmie.”

Did Jungkook just ask me to collaborate with him?!  Ah, but that would be the sweet kid from my other universe.  In this world, he’s my son, Kookie.  Still, it’s rather strange for a boy to ask his mother to help him write a song for the girl he loves.  Isn’t it?

“Flattery will get you a Christmas cookie, you know?” I smile at him.  “But seriously, Kookie, you don’t need my help.  Your song is adorable.  Just the way it is. 

“And you’ve expressed your feelings for Emmie.  That’s all that matters.  Every girl wants to be adored.  And you just adored Emmie with your song.  I don’t think you have any need to feel embarrassed if you ever do decide to play it for her.  She’s going to love it!”

His lips quirk upward again.  “That’s what you told me last time I wrote a song for a girl.”

“Ah, Melody.” I catch his eye.  “And I was right, was I not?”

He nods reluctantly.  One corner of his mouth twists upward again.  “Yep.  You were right.  But, Mom, this is Emmie.”

“You mean, this is the girl who has loved you practically her whole life?  Kookie, I don’t think you can do anything wrong in her eyes.”

He sighs.  “I hope not.”

“You really like her, don’t you?”

He glances up at me, and an expression of such vulnerability slides over his face, that I grapple to find my breath a moment later.  He nods at me.

“The past few weeks, I could feel us growing closer.  I don’t know what changed,” he frowns.  “But we’re different.  She’s not just my little sister’s friend anymore.  Now she’s…”

“Your friend too.”

“Yeah.  I mean, she was my friend before, but now it’s different.”

I quirk my eyebrow at him.  “How’s it different?”

“Now I…I don’t want to be without her.  Like I want her here with me.  Every minute of every day.  I want to breathe the same air she’s breathing.  I want to see her smile all the time.  I just want to hang out with her.”

I smile as I recall those days.  The first days of true love.  Basking in the presence of one’s beloved.  It’s a shame that feeling doesn’t last.  Although, if it did, no one would ever accomplish anything.  I remember it being rather all-consuming for a season. 

“Enjoy that feeling, Kookie.”

He furrows his brow in confusion. “What?”

“Enjoy that feeling…while it lasts.”

Concerned now, he sticks out his bottom lip.  “It doesn’t last?”

“Not in the intensity you’re experiencing right now.”

“Huh.  That’s…disappointing.”

“I know.”  Then I chuckle.  “But, honestly, if it did last forever, how would you ever concentrate on doing a job?  Or even on simply having a conversation with someone else?”

His lips quirk again. “You’re exaggerating now, Mom.”

“I know.  I am.  But I remember a time when I didn’t care much about anything but your father.  I just wanted to spend all my time sitting next to him.  It was hard to study.  And I had no interest in anyone else.  Falling in love can make you incredibly selfish for a time.  If those feelings didn’t become tempered over time, you wouldn’t be prepared for parenthood and all the challenges and joys it brings.”

“Parenthood?” His eyebrows slap the ceiling. 

“Mm-hmm.”

“Who said anything about parenthood?  I was just talking about being nervous about playing my guitar for Emmie.”

A puff of air escapes my nose as I suppress the desire to laugh.  “I know.  I’m the one who introduced parenthood into the conversation.”

“You really want me to marry her, don’t you, Mom?”

“I must say that I would be delighted if you did.  But, Kookie, make your own choice.  You’re the one who will have to spend the rest of your life living with your wife.  So choose wisely.”

He doesn’t say anything, so I continue, “You know, Kookie, it’s easy to fall in love.  Anyone can do it.  But staying in love, now that’s hard work.  And it’s a choice.”

“What do you mean, Mom?”

“I mean, it’s easy to find yourself with feelings for someone.  But over time, those feelings change, and then you have to decide whether or not you’re still going to love that person, even on the days you don’t feel like it anymore.”

“When don’t you feel like it anymore?”

“Oh, like when she hurts your feelings or disagrees with you about something important.  Or maybe she doesn’t understand one of your life’s dreams.  Or you discover that she sees a situation that’s close to your heart in a completely unexpected way.  A way that is contrary to your own.  Or, perhaps, she’s going through a rough time, and so she fails to give you the attention you need.  Or maybe she responds to a set of circumstances quite differently than you wish she would. 

“There are a million ways we can feel unloved by someone who loves us greatly.  Feelings often lie to us.  And if we listen to them when they’re leading us in the wrong direction, we can end up in a world of trouble.  Don’t let your feelings lead you, son.  Always lead your feelings where you want to go.”

Perplexed, he frowns at me.  “What do you mean?” 

“Love isn’t just an emotion, Kookie.  It’s a choice.  And it’s a choice you’ll have to make every day for the rest of your life.  Once you find someone you want to love that much.  Some days, that choice will be unbelievably easy.  And other days, it will be incredibly hard.  But it’s a choice that is worth making every single time.  Because if you both will put into your marriage the hard work that it requires to be successful, it will become the most rewarding relationship you’ll ever have with another person on this earth.

“You make the choice to love that girl every day, to be sweet to her, and to speak softly to her, and your feelings will eventually follow.  You will begin to want to be kind to her.  You’ll find yourself thinking about her and wanting to be with her.  Always remember this, son. 

“When you get in a fight, remember to reach for her.  A woman needs to know that her husband still adores her, even when he’s upset with her.  And one of the best ways to communicate that is to wrap your arms around her and pull her close.  She will need that physical contact with you to close any distance you built up emotionally by arguing with her.  And the words “I’m sorry” go a long way towards healing a woman’s heart.  But even then, it’s a choice.  She’ll have to choose to forgive you.”

“Wow, Mom.  This is such a heavy conversation.  How did we get here?” he asks me suddenly.

I laugh.  “Sorry.  Mom-mode turned on again.”  I sigh as I stare at this gorgeous young man.  “It’s just that you’re so grown up now.  I know you’re just a junior in high school.  But before I know it, you’re going to be walking down the aisle at your college graduation.  And then, most likely, the next aisle you’ll experience will be the one your bride walks down as she comes to join you in holy matrimony. 

“It’s not as far away as you think it is.  And I want you to be prepared.  Because I want to see you happy for life, Kookie.  And Emmie too.  If she’s the girl you ultimately choose.” 

I smile at him again.  “But enough of this talk!  You’ll play your song for her when you’re ready.  There’s no rush.  I’m pretty sure that girl isn’t going anywhere.”  The corners of my mouth quirk upwards as my eyes meet his once more.

“Thanks, Mom.”  He pauses, then, “You really like my song?”

“Kookie, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s even remotely possible for you to write a bad one.”

He scoffs.  “Believe me; it is.  You just haven’t heard any of my early attempts.  I keep my door closed for those.”

“Well, you can serenade me any time you want.  I am always eager to hear you sing.  And you’ve gotten really good on that guitar too.”

“Thanks.  And, Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“Where’s that Christmas cookie you promised me?”

I laugh.  “Come on.  I’m pretty sure there are a few left in the kitchen.  I’ll get you a glass of milk to wash it down too.”

“Excellent!”  He stands up and sets his guitar down.  “But, Mom?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I have more than one?”

“Glass of milk?  Sure.”

He flashes me that irresistible grin.  “No, Mom,” he laughs.  “More than one cookie.”

“I don’t know.  I mean, I only got one Kookie.”

As he crosses the room towards me, a deep ravine crops up between his eyebrows.  “Huh?”

“One Kookie,” I enunciate as I reach out and ruffle his hair.

“Oh,” the corner of his mouth quirks ruefully upward, “you’re talking about me, aren’t you?  You only got one Kookie.”

“Yep.  He’s one-of-a-kind.” 

With those words, I pivot towards the door and head for the kitchen.  Where more than one cookie awaits my one and only Kookie.