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He gazed in horror at the tears flooding her eyes before they spilled down her rosy cheeks.  He hadn’t meant to hurt her.  But for Mi Sook to weep, he must have truly caused her pain.  He lay frozen.  Staring up at her in agony.  Uncertain of how to comfort her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

She shook her head.  Then she buried her face in his chest and gave vent to those horrid tears.  Maybe they would cleanse her soul of all its pain.  To be beaten by her father had always been a terrifying, heartbreaking experience.  But what he had done to her today had been beyond the bounds of anything he had ever unleashed on her fragile body.  And to have implied that her new husband found her so lacking that he wouldn’t even sleep with her had further injured her vulnerable spirit. 

To be lying in a bed with that kind man now, witnessing tenderness in his gaze as he admitted that he had always been taken with her was a healing balm indeed.  To experience his hand reaching for her and to see him hurt by that which caused her agony was more than she had ever hoped to receive from Han Sung’s brother.  Again, she repented for believing him capable of purposefully destroying his brother.

“No,” she breathed.  “I am sorry.”

His gaze sharpened on hers.  “For what?” he asked, completely baffled.  “You have not wronged me.”

“That’s not true,” she disagreed. 

She rubbed her nose against his chest before pillowing her cheek against his bare flesh.  And marveling at how warm it was.  The man was barely clothed.  Not at all up here.  How on earth was he so warm?

“I have wronged you,” she murmured against that firm flesh.  “In the very worst way possible.  Believing you capable of murdering a boy whom I now know you loved with all your heart.  How could I have ever thought you capable of such an act?  Of such hatred?  After all, I watched you take his beatings.”

“You probably believed I resented him for it.”

She glanced up at him again.  “Yes.  I did.  I’m sorry.”

“But you were right.  I did resent him for it.  For a long time.  Except…he was always pitifully sorry to have been the cause of my pain.”

He drew a deep breath before continuing, “Still, I grew tired of being his scapegoat.  But I always recognized that I could not blame him.  He was…harmless.  How could I hate him?” 

His face convulsed in pain.  “Yet…sometimes I did.  But I hated my grandfather more.  For causing us both such distress.  Except that…I also pitied him.  For he was under the thumb of a cruel taskmaster.”

Then he mumbled thoughtfully, “Perhaps he was just trying to harden us both so that we would be impervious to the pains that had formed him.  And that still gripped him.  He wanted nothing so much as to free Han Sung from a life of servitude.”

She crumpled her brow as she studied his pained face.  “Will you tell me what happened that day?”

“What day?”

“The day your brother died.”

He remained silent.

“I can tell now that it was an accident.  Your brother’s death.”

“It wasn’t an accident.”

She stared in shock at him.  “What do you mean?”

When he remained quiet, she breathed in horror, “I don’t believe it.  You meant to kill your brother?”

Had he believed that he was saving Han Sung from a worse fate?  That the innocent lad wouldn’t be able to face his duties as a hwarang or to fulfill their grandfather’s heartless ambitions?  That the boy would forever be at the mercy of men like Minister Park?  Unless Dan Se freed him?

“I was trying to save him,” he whispered.

She lifted her head and scooted away from him.  Terrified.  And heartbroken.  He had killed his brother on purpose.  In some twisted attempt to save the lad from the harsh realities of life. 

He could feel her drawing away from him.  Not just physically.  But emotionally.  No doubt she now believed that he had planned it all out.  And he had.  Just not with Han Sung as his target.

Truthfully, he didn’t deserve her affection.  Perhaps he should simply allow her to believe the worst of him.  It couldn’t possibly be any worse than what he already thought of himself.

“From your grandfather’s plans?” she finally quizzed him.

“Yes,” he responded simply.  And watched the sorrowful tremor of fear that crossed her face. 

She stared in horror at him.

Would he one day decide to put her out of her misery too?  In order to save her from her father’s abuse?

These were crazy thoughts.  How could she think such things about Dan Se?  But hadn’t he just implied following a similar path to free his brother?  If he could kill his own brother with the edge of his sword, what would stop him from touching her too?

She rolled away from him.  And groaned as the bruises on her back rebelled in pain.  Wincing, she sat up.  Which also hurt.  But she dragged herself off the bed.  And walked over towards the window.  To stand staring out at the blue sky.

How dare it appear so cheerful today?  And those wispy white clouds were mocking her too.  Reminding her of days spent in his grandfather’s garden with Han Sung.  Simpler times.  When he had made her laugh…and observe the world through innocent eyes.  Discovering its beauty where others saw only mundane normality.  Han Sung had been so good at causing her to forget her woes.  And to find the joy in life.

But he was gone now.  He would never lighten her burdens ever again.

And the solace that she’d just found in his brother’s arms now seemed empty.  Now that he had admitted the truth of his brother’s death to her. 

She felt her eyes filling with tears again. 

Was it all so hopeless then?  Even now that Minister Park was dead, and Jin Heung was king?

Still, men like her cruel father persisted in beating their defenseless daughters.  So…what had truly changed?

She stood in the heat of that windowsill as great tears rolled down her cheeks.  And faced a horrible truth. 

Her life was empty.  It had always been empty.  Yet Han Sung’s smile – and his laughter – had filled some of that space.  For a season. 

But what would happen now?

Would she allow his broken brother to take her to his bed?  And possibly give her a child whom he didn’t even want? 

As much as she wanted a baby, that seemed like a horrendous idea.

And what if he did put himself in harm’s way for the king?  What if he risked too much and didn’t return to her one night?  But joined his brother in that cold grave?

She shivered just thinking about it.

His bitter truth was freezing her out.  She felt its numbness growing in her belly even now.  Overtaking her heart.  She’d been down this path before.  Pretty soon, she wouldn’t feel anything at all.  Not even the bruises on her back.

“I think,” she murmured softly, “that I shall sleep in the next room tonight.”  She was referring to the bedchamber that lay on the other side of the wall.  Behind the adjoining door.

But she was fairly certain that he wouldn’t enter through it.

His heart sank.

She didn’t understand.

Or, perhaps, she did.

Either way, he’d just lost her.

Before he’d even begun to woo her.