Her eyes flew wide open. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I have nothing to my name. Beyond my hwarang robes and my sword.”
“But,” she glanced around the opulent bedroom to which he’d brought her, “this room seems to say otherwise.”
“This is my father’s home,” he pointed out truthfully, “and I am not his favored son.”
She wrinkled her brow. “But…aren’t you his only son now?”
“He refuses to give me anything.”
“Where,” she inhaled deeply as her heart began to race for a different reason, “are we going to live?”
“You may remain here,” he muttered. “Apparently, my father and yours agreed upon this.” He glanced around the room. “This will be your bedchamber, Mi Sook.”
“My bedchamber?” she asked dubiously. She didn’t understand what he was saying. “Where are you going to sleep?”
“At the hwarang house.”
“What?” she gasped. “You won’t be sharing this room with me?”
Why was her heart sinking?
“I will not. I cannot imagine that you want your privacy invaded by a crude soldier whom you barely know.”
Confused, she stared up at him in alarm. Was he truly going to leave her here alone? With his father?
“But…why did you marry me if you weren’t planning to live with me?”
His eyes pierced hers. “Why, to rescue you, of course.”
Dumbfounded, she stared up at him. Stunned. “To rescue me?” she echoed his sentiment. Her confusion lit up her face with surprise.
He nodded. “From him.”
“You planned to marry me merely to rescue me from my father?”
His eyes held hers, but he didn’t speak.
“But…how did you know?”
The corners of his mouth lifted in a bitter smile. “Oh, my dear, I have always known.”
Her eyes widened as she gazed at him. Astounded.
But…no one had ever known.
“You see?” he whispered. “You needn’t fear that I’m going to hurt you tonight.” He glanced around again. “I came with you this evening to ensure that you have everything you need. Before I head back to the hwarang house.”
Truthfully, he had hoped to stay with her this night, at least. But it was now clear to him that he would not be touching her. Not now. Perhaps, not ever.
“You’re not even going to stay with me tonight?” she queried in a tiny voice.
Astonished, he gazed down at her, searching for the truth of her feelings in the depths of her eyes. “You want me to stay with you tonight?” he breathed, stunned.
She evaded his question. “You are my husband. Shouldn’t we get to know each other?”
“You want to get to know me? I thought you only married me to escape your father’s reach.”
It was true. Mostly.
But there was that one other motive that had pushed her to pursue a relationship with Han Sung’s brother.
“Do you plan to abandon me then?” she questioned him abruptly.
He shrugged. “I guess that depends on your definition of abandon. I prefer to think of this arrangement as freeing you.”
He had been planning to test the waters tonight. To see if she was interested in a physical relationship with him. But then he had discovered the bruises. And he had known that he couldn’t touch her tonight. He could never do anything that would hurt this girl.
“Freeing me?” she queried, stupefied.
“Have you not longed to be the master of your own fate?” he asked suddenly.
She simply gaped at him. “I have never believed such a freedom possible. Not for me anyway.”
And if Han Sung had not died, then Dan Se would never have had such an opportunity either. To break free of all his familial obligations and restrictions. To become his own man. And to do something to serve another. Simply because it was right. Rather than being expected of him due to his inferior status.
He had always fit very neatly into the box of the lesser brother. The unfavored one. The scapegoat. Punished for his brother’s misdeeds. Tormented because he wasn’t a sacred bone. Not the pride and joy of his grandfather. Or even of his father.
“Then I am able to hand you a rare gift after all, aren’t I?” he smiled faintly at her.
She frowned. “But won’t I now be under your father’s thumb?”
He sighed. “You will not find him as imposing as my grandfather. Or your father. I did, in fact, make it part of my acceptance of our alliance that he is to give you your freedom. He will not attempt to meddle in your affairs. If he encounters any problem, he is to come to me. And to leave you untroubled.”
“Ah, I see. So you are to deal with any disobedience on my part then.”
“Disobedience?” His brow crumpled as he gazed down at her in confusion.
She bobbed her head. “If I cause any problems for your father, then you will discipline me.”
He winced. “I do not believe in disciplining one’s wife.”
Now it was her turn to suffer perplexity. “You do not? But how can this be? What will you do with me if I make a decision of which you do not approve?”
The corners of his lips flipped upwards in dry humor. “I do not imagine it will involve me at all. I will be off serving the king. What do I care of your decisions?”
She could not understand him. Her entire life she had been under her father’s control. She hadn’t even been able to draw a breath without his say-so. The few times that she had attempted to secretly rebel against him, she had paid a steep price.
“Is it any of my business what you buy or with whom you choose to converse? Or even how you spend your time?” Dan Se asked her then.
She simply stared at him. Trying to fathom his motives. “You’re serious?” she finally breathed in wonder.
He nodded. “Of course.”
“You truly married me to free me?”
His eyes held hers. But he didn’t move.
“But…don’t you want children? Or a wife who will make you happy?”
“I told you. When Han Sung died, all of my dreams of happiness died. Any plan I had for my own life ended there. I will serve the king. Until I give my life doing so. There is nothing else.”
She felt one of her heart’s strings being tugged then. Very hard.
“You’re planning to die?”
“I have been planning to die since my brother drew his last breath. Only his final letter prevented me from ending things myself. Once I’d read his parting words, I knew that I could not in good conscience forsake my own life. In order to honor him, I needed to become something. Build something. Do something worthwhile. I was offered a position among the hwarang, and I realized that in this way, I could make the world a better place. If not for Han Sung, then for someone like him.”
“If that is true, then why would you prepare to die? How will you build a better world when you are dead?”
“The king needs someone to put his life on the line to protect him. And the royal family. Who better than I? I have no one to miss me when I am gone.”
She frowned. “What about your father?”
He shrugged. “I never meant much of anything to him. All his love was for Han Sung. The last useful thing I could do for him was to marry you.”
He paused a moment before admitting, “Only one person ever truly loved me. And he is gone now.” His eyes took on a faraway expression as he peered inwardly at a former time. And at the fading image of that lost love.
Mi Sook was overcome by a wave of sorrow as she gazed up at the broken man who had called himself her husband today. Covering her with his own name. Yet demanding nothing from her in return.
“You truly do not intend to make me your wife in truth?” she whispered. Oddly disappointed.
As tonight’s relief warred with the disappointment of accepting that, as long as she was tied to him, she would never enjoy a man’s tender touch or birth a child, she found herself fighting tears.
“Do you wish me to?” he asked in surprise. “I thought you hated me.”
“I do not hate you,” she admitted firmly.
“But I stole Han Sung from you.”
“Han Sung and I would have had an even stranger marriage than you and I, I think,” she muttered under her breath.
“What?” he asked, genuinely perplexed. “What do you mean?”
“I was not physically attracted to the boy. Yes, it’s true that I loved him. But I loved him in the way I would have loved a younger brother. Had I possessed one.”
He blinked as he continued to gaze down at her with that impassive countenance that so disturbed her.
“I cannot tell what you are thinking,” she uncovered her discomfort before him.
“Do you mean that you are attracted to me?” He was holding his breath. Waiting for her to forever shatter the only dream that remained.
She began to blink. Rapidly. She swung away from him then. So that he could not see her eyes.
“I did not mean that, exactly.”
“What did you mean then?”
“Just that I would have found it difficult to have a physical relationship with Han Sung. I could only ever think of him as a boy.”
“And me?” he queried quietly. “How do you think of me?”
She swallowed as she crossed the room to stare out the window. That was a dangerous question. And one which she did not wish to ponder for very long.
“I don’t. I don’t think of you,” she responded coldly.
Extinguishing the one last flame that had flickered in his soul.
“I see,” he responded stiffly. And she felt a cold wind suddenly blowing her way.
“Then I will not trouble you any further tonight.” He bowed to her back. “Sleep well, my wife.” He spoke the last two words bitterly, mockingly.
She swung around then to face him. “You are leaving?”
“Yes. I am headed back to the hwarang house.” He turned to go, but a few feet from the door he stopped. He did not turn around to face her, but he did speak.
“You are not penniless, my dear. You have a small allowance from my father. If you use it wisely, it will be enough to live on.”
“Until you are no longer among the living?” she breathed.
He nodded. “At which point, you can marry again. If you like.”
“Because it’s been such a pleasing experience,” she muttered dryly. Piercing his heart with her tongue.
He swung to face her then. “Has it not? I have bought you your freedom at the cost of my own! I would have thought that you would be, at least, grateful.”
“Grateful?” she murmured. She furrowed her brow. “I suppose I must be. But I spent the last week – nearly the last year, really – believing that I was going to become a true wife. And possibly, a mother. And now you are telling me that I am to remain a maiden. Still at the whim of a man who is nearly my father’s age.”
“I told you, my father will not interfere with your life.”
“Yes, so you said. I just do not believe it. I have never met a man who didn’t want to control the women around him.”
“Then you have never met me.” His eyes dueled with hers. After a moment, he muttered, “I am sorry if you were hoping for children. I truly am. I cannot have any.”
She gasped as she studied his face. “You are impotent?” Was that why he didn’t want to touch her?
“What?” he asked, alarmed. He stood up straight. Apparently, she had offended his manhood.
“Not that I know of.” He quirked one midnight eyebrow. “I meant simply that since I risk my life often for the king, I do not wish to leave behind even one child. So I am not planning to have any.”
“Oh.” That sound escaped her mouth as a simple puff of strangulated air.
“I shall do my best to free you soon,” he muttered, pivoting towards the door.
“Stop that!” she suddenly snapped at him.
Confused, he turned back towards her. “What?”
“You are not going to die! Every single time that you imply such a thing, you dishonor Han Sung’s memory! If he cannot be here to bring honor to your father’s name, then it is up to you to do so!”
He stared at her.
“To bring honor to my father’s name…” he murmured dazedly. “Ah, but how is one to do that precisely?”
With those words, he stepped out of her room and headed for the hwarang house. To spend his wedding night in his usual bed. Alone.
Choosing words to hurt is just idiotic