Blog

He’d lost her.  Again.

How did this keep happening?

He’d reached out to her.  Over and over again.  In kindness.  Out of his good nature.  In an attempt to touch her soul.  And lift her heart.

But that heart seemed to be overly burdened already.  Just what exactly was the good princess so afraid of?

“What is it?” he queried quietly as she pulled away from him.  “What is terrifying you?”

Her face became a cold mask then.  He had probed her agony, and they both knew it.  And she didn’t like that he recognized her pain.  And sought to relieve it.

She was used to relying only on herself.  She didn’t trust anyone.  Least of all, a strange man from a foreign land.  Who had to put his own interests – and those of his country – before hers.

“Nothing,” she intoned as she held herself erect.  “You were right.  I am fatigued.  I will return to my chambers.  Thank you for a,” she faltered momentarily, “lovely evening.  Goodnight, your highness.”

Having dismissed him, she turned to head for her rooms.

“I thought we had made some headway tonight.”

She caught his melancholy murmur as she stepped away from him.  It made her face fall, but he didn’t see it.  And she kept moving.  She couldn’t afford to stand still.  Or to back up.  Or to turn towards him.  The last thing she needed was for him to guess how much he was already moving her heart.  It would only make her more vulnerable to him.  And that was the last thing in the world that she wanted. 

She despised weakness.  Especially in herself.

––

Sook Myeong stood near her bench, staring off toward the target field.  She couldn’t see it from here, but she vividly remembered her encounter there with the prince.  She was unaccountably nervous today.  Afraid he would discern her movements and appear here.  In her sanctum.  To disturb her peace.  And ruffle her heart.

A twig snapped behind her, and she jumped.  She spun around.  And sighed with relief as her eyes took in her brother.  Coming to meet her.  Just as he’d promised. 

Another maid had delivered another message from him requesting her presence here this morning.

“Sook Myeong, I want to speak with you about something,” he murmured quietly.  Seriously.

“What?” she tossed back to him.  Feeling defiant for some reason.  Probably because she was still smarting from their last conversation.

“I want you to know that – as much as it is in my power to determine – your choice of husband is up to you.  I care not if you reject the prince.  If you truly don’t love him.  Or if you suspect that he will not make you a good husband.  But, please, don’t reject him simply out of spite.  I believe him to be a good man.  Or else I wouldn’t encourage him to…”  His voice trailed off.

Her ears perked up.  She glanced up sharply at him.  “Encourage him?  Encourage him to what?”

“To speak with you,” he uttered lamely.

She furrowed her brow.  “When did you encourage him to speak with me?”

“When he first expressed his interest in you.  I told him to take his time getting to know you.  To see if there was anything between you.”

“Anything between us?” she asked coldly.  “How could there be anything between us?  We are strangers.”

“That doesn’t mean there isn’t a spark.”  He glanced at her speculatively.  “Is there a spark, Sook Myeong?”

She didn’t wish to answer that question, so she ignored it.  Turning her back on him.

“Just…don’t discount him out of hand.  Please.  Promise me that you will give him a chance.”

A chance.

Right now?  Whilst she was hiding from the man?

“I’ll think about it,” she replied grudgingly.

He sighed.  “All right.”  He turned to go.  Then he stopped.  Without looking back at her, he finished, “For now.”

She sighed in relief as he disappeared back into the palace.

Then she fled from her garden.  She didn’t wish to run into the prince today.

––

The prince returned to the garden that night.  Only to find it empty.  Still, he seated himself on her bench.  And waited for her.  For an hour. 

He watched the bright sun bleed into the earth.  Releasing its dying rays to paint the cerulean dome purple and pink with its angst.  More like black and blue.  That’s what his heart felt like tonight.  As though someone – the princess, perhaps? – had beaten him to a pulp.  And left him bloodied and bruised.  To suffer in agony.  Alone.

She wasn’t coming. 

He finally gave in to the inevitable truth.  He’d upset her.  She was angry with him.  More like, afraid of him.  And she was cowering in her chambers.  Hiding from his intense pursuit of her.

What course of action was left to him? 

He could probably convince Jin Heung to give her to him.  In marriage.  Thereby doing, he could force her hand and take an unwilling bride back to Goguryeo with him.  If he walked that path, she would most likely never forgive him.  And never trust him.

But Jong Su discovered that – as much as he was beginning to desire her – he didn’t want to have her that way.  He could never be content with a wife who held no faith in him.  And who took no pleasure in his presence.  And no comfort from his touch. 

He wanted to delight his bride.  To plant laughter in her mouth.  And hope in her heart.

He sighed.  What on earth was he going to do now?

––

“Have you seen my sister of late?” the king asked him a week later.

Sadly, the prince shook his head.  “I have not.”

Quirking a dark eyebrow at a man whom he was truly beginning to respect, Jin Heung queried, “What happened?”

“I have no idea.  I thought I was winning her over, but then she suddenly disappeared.  I think I…scared her.”

“Scared her?  Sook Myeong?  That girl isn’t scared of anything,” the king scoffed.

“I think…you are wrong, your highness,” the prince murmured respectfully.  “I think she is, in fact, terrified of several things.”

Jin Heung eyed him speculatively.  “Is she really?  Hmm,” he scratched his chin, “perhaps you are right.  Truthfully, I don’t know my sister well.  We were kept from each other for most of our lives.  I’ve only seen her a handful of times.  But this…perspective you have of her…I find it distressing.  I don’t like to think of her that way.  My fondest wish for her is that she would find some happiness.  I think she…had a very sad childhood.  Truly, she is still a child.”

“I agree,” the prince bobbed his head.

But then he remembered how she had shivered when he’d breathed into her ear.  And how she had clung to him and buried her nose over his heart.  And he had to admit that she was a woman too.  Albeit a very young one.  Perhaps that was the problem. 

She had no true experience of life.  Or of men.  She feared the unknown.  And didn’t trust her own instincts. 

Was she afraid that he would use her and then abandon her later?  That he would, perhaps, grow weary of her?  And then pursue another woman?

It happened all the time in their society.  A man from the royal house could take several wives.  And many concubines too.  But what woman would wish to be part of a group?  Wouldn’t she desire to have his affection all to herself?

For his part, he could never imagine sharing his wife with another man.  So why was it that women were expected to share their husbands with other girls? 

Honestly, he had his hands full with just this one girl.  How would he ever have the energy to keep up with seven of them?  Or even two?

And the arguments that must ensue between a wife and her rival!  They must be horrendous!  And then it would trickle down to their children.  And, well, this explained so many of the battles that had been waged over thrones.  Didn’t it?

He shook his head.  He wanted nothing to do with this traditional path.  He was a one-woman kind of man.  He wanted to be adored by just one girl.  And to adore her in return.  He desired one woman on whom he could lavish all his love.  He wanted children from her too.

And he knew whom he wanted that woman to be.

Even though he couldn’t possibly have explained why he felt as he did.  Something had clicked in him the very first time that he’d come across her in the garden.  And then when he’d gazed into her beautiful, obsidian eyes, he had known it.  That what he was looking for was hidden in the depths of those stunning orbs.  Sook Myeong was the only girl for him.  He was certain of it.

The trouble was…how did he convince her of it?