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Her face was tearstained when she returned to his room.  And her eyes were puffy.  And red-rimmed.

Ban Ryu perused her countenance for a few silent moments.  Then he tilted his head to the side.  “Soo Yeon.  What’s wrong?”

She sat down on the edge of his bed and reached for his hand.  “Would you take me, Ban Ryu?  As I am?  As you are?  Would you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

He furrowed his brow.  “What is this about?”

“If my appa refuses your request, would you still be willing to marry me?”

He blinked.  Then he shook his head sadly.  “I would never marry you without your father’s consent, Soo Yeon.  I could not do that to you.  Or to him.  I have too much respect for him.”  He pulled his hand away from hers.

And she felt…bereft.  Lost without her anchor.

She gazed up at him with hurt shining in her eyes.  “But why?  After all he’s done to sever me from you, how can you still respect him?”

“He is just trying to safeguard your future!  I would do the same for my daughter.  Your father recognizes that I am unworthy of you.  He isn’t wrong.”

“You are speaking rubbish now, Ban Ryu!” she ejaculated, angry with him.  “You’re not willing to fight for me?” she whimpered in a tiny tone.

“Soo Yeon!” he muttered angrily. “If you knew me – really knew me – you wouldn’t want me!”  He paused then forced some unwelcome words out of his mouth.  “Give in to your parents and marry Lord Lee Beom Sook!  He’ll take good care of you.  And make you a far better husband than I ever could.”

Then he moaned as the throbbing in his thigh suddenly increased. 

Alarm flew across her countenance.  “My dear Ban Ryu!  Are you in more pain?”  She leaned toward his thigh as she gazed down at it, bent over him in concern.

He groaned again.

“It serves you right for trying to pawn me off on another!” she exclaimed petulantly.  Then she grumbled as a dark cloud descended upon her brow, “You know I love you!  How could I marry another?”

“It happens all the time,” he gasped.  After a tense moment during which he prayed for the spasm to pass, he murmured, “Would that I had died in that battle instead of being grievously wounded.”

“Ban Ryu!” she rebuked him.  “Take those words back!  What a horrid thing to say!”

“It’s what I deserve,” he grumbled.

“What?” she asked, at a loss.

His eyes met hers then.  “I said,” he gasped in a whisper, “it’s what I deserve.”

Her eyes sharpened.  She stood up.  And glanced at her maid.  “Eunie, go get this man a glass of water.  Right now.  He must take his pain medication.”

The girl’s eyes widened in alarm.  “I cannot leave you alone with him!”

“Nonsense!  You can!  And you will!  Do you really think he’s in any condition to get into trouble with me?!   I am not asking.  I am commanding you to get him a glass of water.  Now!”

The girl bobbed her head and disappeared from the room.

And Soo Yeon squarely faced her hwarang. “What nonsense are you spewing?”

When he didn’t respond, and his gaze slid away from hers, she continued, “They can’t make me speak my vows.  I will refuse to marry him.  At the ceremony.  I will disgrace them all for forcing me to give up my heart’s desire.”

She had spent many long nights contemplating her choices.  And this was the decision to which she had come.  She would not allow her parents to decide her future.  Or to separate her from Ban Ryu.

“I killed a whole group of innocent people,” he muttered in the next instant.  “You can’t marry me.  I am unworthy of you.  Lee Beom Sook will take good care of you.  Don’t disgrace the man.”

She gaped at him.  “What utter nonsense you speak!” she rebuked him sharply.

Was he delirious from the pain?

“It isn’t nonsense.  It’s the truth.  I betrayed the king.  And my fellow hwarang.  And a bunch of innocent townspeople died because of me.”

She sat down on the edge of the bed.  And reached out to touch his forehead.  Checking him for a fever.  That would explain the delirium.  But he didn’t feel hot.

“Ban Ryu.  What are you talking about?  Your trip to Goguryeo?” she asked as she reached up to touch his cheeks.

Her hair spilled over her shoulder as she leaned towards him.  The gleam of one long tress caught his eye, and he reached up to touch it.  

“No,” he whispered as he recalled the lock of her hair that she’d sent with him on that trip to Baekje.  Back before his life had grown too complicated.  “When I accompanied the princess to the western kingdom.”

“Baekje?” she asked in surprise.  “That was months ago.”

“I know.”  He released her hair and leaned back.  Closing his eyes.

“Ban Ryu.  Tell me the whole of it.  Now.  Out with it!”

Hiding behind his eyelids, he admitted, “I carried a note from Minister Park.  For the crown prince.”

Her brow wrinkled.  “What did it say?”

“I don’t know.  I never read it.  But I did pass it on to the prince.  And shortly afterward, he announced that the faceless king was among our group.

“He threatened to kill some of Silla’s residents who had crossed into Baekje and were then his captives.  He would only spare their lives if the king revealed himself.  He did not.  And the crown prince kept his word.  He had them slaughtered.  Right in front of us.”  

A sob bubbled up from deep within and colored his voice as he admitted, “Some of their blood sprayed my hands.”  He opened his eyes and glanced down at them.  “So, you see, their deaths are on my hands.”  He met her gaze.  “I am responsible.”

“You don’t know that!” she cried out.  “It could have been someone else!”

He shook his head.  “No.  I do know it.  I can feel it in my bones.  It was in the letter I delivered.  Minister Park was just that calculating and cruel.”

“But you didn’t intend to betray the king!  Or to see those people destroyed.  You were just trying to…”

He remained silent.  His eyes drifting shut.

“What were you trying to do?” she asked softly.

“Protect my father,” he muttered.  “Little good that it did him.”

Her heart broke for the helpless boy whom she saw lying in front of her.  “Ban Ryu.  You were just a pawn.  In the hands of a powerful, cruel man.”

“But I should have been a man!” he burst out as his eyes flew open and he lifted his head.  “I should have denied his request!” Those dark eyes of his shot sparks at her before the heat fizzled, and he collapsed against his pillow again.  “I should have stood up to him,” he muttered bitterly.  

“And if you had,” she queried softly, “what would have happened?”

He shuddered.  “I do not know.  He would have found some way to injure Appa most likely.  To make him pay for my insolence.  Or he might have come after me.”

“So you obeyed out of fear.  Even compulsion.”

He hung his head, his chin nearly touching his chest.  “It doesn’t matter, Soo Yeon.  It was wrong.  I knew that he was working against the king.  Yet I didn’t stand up to him.  And all those people died.”  His voice broke.

“And you think that is a reason for me to stop loving you?” she questioned quietly.

His eyes opened and fenced silently with hers for several long seconds.  Then he nodded slightly.  “I do.”

“Well,” she heaved a deep sigh, “that makes one of us.  For…I do not.”

His eyes widened in surprise.  “You cannot possibly still love me!”

“Oh, can I not?” she huffed.  Then in uncharacteristic form, she retorted, “You cannot control me, Ban Ryu!  Not any more than Appa can!” 

Then she softened and bent towards him.  “I shall love you till the day I die.  And there is not one thing you can do about it.  You cannot hide who you really are from me.  The terrified boy who did that evil man’s bidding had a tender heart.  Even then.  If you hadn’t, your conscience would not bother you so,” she reasoned, bobbing her head in agreement with herself. 

“And the man you have become now – since you’ve been freed from his pernicious influence – is a man whom I can truly admire.  You did, in fact, choose to side with the king even whilst Minister Park was alive.  You had a hand in routing him and bringing him to justice.  Finally.  And I am very proud of that man.  I am very proud of you.” 

She smiled sweetly at him.  Then she added softly, “We have all made mistakes, Ban Ryu.”

“But I bet that none of your mistakes cost a man or woman their lives!”

She sighed.  “Perhaps not.  But they were wrong, nonetheless.  You were simply in a very precarious and rare position.”

She narrowed her eyes as she studied him.  “Don’t you think that the king also blames himself for those deaths?  After all, he could have stepped forward.  But he chose to protect himself.  Over them.”

“I imagine that he regrets that.  Very much.  That it haunts him too,” he murmured.  “Still.  Were it not for me, he would not have been placed in such a horrible position.”

“And were it not for Minister Park, neither would you.”  She cleared her throat.  “Also…I think those people were not quite as innocent as you have made them out to be.  They crossed the border into enemy land.  Placing themselves in danger.  The prince merely used their existence to attempt to force the king’s hand.” 

She glanced at him.  “Yes, yes, I know that you believe that you created that situation.  And maybe you did.  But, Ban Ryu, you can’t spend the rest of your life destroying yourself over it.  Choose to live your life in the best way possible from here on out.  You cannot bring them back.  Not even if you give your life.”

“No.  But justice would be served.”

“You meant them no harm!  But Minister Park did.  He was bent on destroying as many people as he could.  For his own gain.  And justice was served!  The day that man lost his head.”

“I am trying to live an honorable life now,” he mumbled.  “But it still feels like too little, too late.”

She gazed squarely into his eyes.  “Would you feel better if you confessed to the king?  And to Seon Woo and my brother?”

Terror filled his gaze, and he shook his head violently.

“Do you think that his majesty would order your death?” she queried quietly.

“Perhaps.  It would be less than I deserve if he did.”

“And what about that other man?”

“What man?”

“The hwarang?  The one who killed his own brother?”

He gasped.  “How do you know about that?”

“I overheard my brother speaking to Seon Woo about it one day.  Shouldn’t he have been executed for attempting to kill an innocent man?  Yet, instead, he’s taken his brother’s place of honor among the hwarang.  And he really was trying to kill someone.”

He sighed.  “But he was simply doing his grandfather’s bidding.…”

“As you were doing your father’s.  So you’ll make excuses for him but not take any for yourself, eh?  See,” she smiled, “you are a good man, Ban Ryu.  You cannot convince me otherwise.”

Before he could argue again, the maid returned, and he fell silent.  Closing his eyes to block out the compassionate face of the only girl whom he had ever loved.

But he couldn’t block out her next words.  Even as she bent to whisper them into his ear.

“And who would have saved my brother had you died that day with Minister Park?”

She sat silently in her chair.  Tears streaming down her face.