This story is dedicated to you if you have ever been abused by someone bigger, stronger, and seemingly more powerful than you. You are not alone. You are infinitely precious. And the trauma you endured is not your fault. Know that you are so loved. And whatever trauma you have been through – it does NOT define you. You are a beautiful rose, a lovely lily, a most precious gem.
Rated M for Mature. This story deals with some difficult topics and involves some graphic situations.
Julieta had left early in the morning for work. Tia headed out a couple hours later. She needed to take some photographs. Now, Stasia was alone. But she wouldn’t be alone for long. Yoongi was on his way over. He had asked if he could be there for moral support when she took the pregnancy test.
She was so nervous. She took a steadying breath. Her heart was racing in her chest. She felt like she might faint. She sat down abruptly on the couch and leaned back, closing her eyes. She concentrated on taking deep breaths. At least today’s test didn’t determine death. But rather, life. She’d never imagined she’d be pregnant with the child of a man who had raped her. She’d always dreamed of a beautiful wedding to a man who loved her. And a couple years down the road, a baby. Born to two loving parents.
She knew only one thing for sure. If she was pregnant, she couldn’t destroy her own child. She would nurture, love, and protect that precious, little life. No matter how she was conceived. But she would probably have to return to Australia. She’d need to live with her mum and find a job to support herself and her baby too.
She sighed. Going home had its benefits. But staying here now meant being close to Yoongi and his friends. Who had become her friends. She didn’t want to leave. She hoped she wasn’t pregnant.
A knock sounded on the door. Her heart dancing in her throat, she flew up off the couch. She hurried to answer the door. It was, of course, Yoongi. She spied her bodyguard sitting in a chair just outside the door. She smiled at Yoongi and opened the door wide to let him inside.
“Nervous?” he asked as soon as she’d shut the door behind them.
“Terrified!”
“Then, let’s get this over with, so you can plan the next phase of your life.”
She stared gratefully at him. “Thank you for those words.”
Puzzled, he drew his eyebrows together.
She proceeded to explain, “You just implied that I get to decide the next step I take.”
“Well, of course, you do.”
“You don’t understand,” she whispered. “I haven’t had that freedom for a long time now. Months.”
“Well, it has returned to you. You have the freedom to choose your future.”
Maybe. But a little bit might have been decided for her already. But even if she were pregnant, she would have many choices to make. Many options to consider. It really was her decision. Whether she kept her baby or put her up for adoption.
She shook her head. Her decision was already made. Even before she’d taken the pregnancy test. If she was pregnant, she would keep the child. She would never want someone else to raise her baby.
She was twenty-four years old. A responsible adult with a college education and a good job. She could do this. Whatever was required of her.
Then she’d get to choose whether she stayed here in Korea surrounded by sweet and supportive friends. Or whether she returned home to the bosom of her family. She knew her mother would support her. Stasia had never been very close to her brothers. They were quite a few years older than her. Eventually, they’d have to be told what had happened to her. It had been hard enough breaking the news to her mother.
She had finally called her mum on Saturday afternoon, the day after Julieta had offered to host her. Stasia had begun the conversation hesitantly. First, she’d told her how she’d been dating a guy for several months. She had never before told her mother about Eun. That should have been a red flag.
Then she’d eased into his escalating treatment of her over the past six weeks. Finally, her mother had told her she needed to get away from a guy who would hit her. She could hear the fear in her mother’s voice in that moment, and it broke her heart.
Then she opened her mouth and replied, “Mum, you don’t need to be afraid for me any longer.”
She could hear the sigh of relief at the other end of the phone, and her heart dipped as she realized she’d set her mother up for a shock. So she continued quickly, “The worst has already happened. He’s in jail for raping me.”
Silence had greeted her announcement. Then she’d heard her mother sobbing. Stasia had known this would be the hardest conversation she would have to have. Even harder than climbing the witness stand. Because her mother was the one person who could be hurt as deeply by the truth as Stasia herself had been. Now, Stasia sighed with relief. The worst was over.
“Oh, Stasia! Darling, why didn’t you just come home?”
“I don’t know, Mum.”
It was a question she had no answer for. Eun had been her first boyfriend. She’d had no true knowledge of what a healthy relationship looked like. Her parents had divorced when she was tiny. She’d had no example to follow.
In the beginning Eun had seemed nice. But quickly, he had begun to mistreat her. At first, she’d believed it was her fault. That she had done something to provoke him. She was too independent-minded. She’d done something to push a button she hadn’t known existed.
By the time she realized what a lie that was, she’d been up to her eyeballs in trouble. She’d also learned he was stronger and quicker than she was. And he knew where she lived and how to get to her. She had been simply terrified. And completely uncertain how to get out from underneath him.
So she had written a letter to Yoongi. The one person who had always fed her so much hope. Along with the other Bangtan Boys and their music. But Yoongi had always held a special place in her heart. He had overcome so much. He had given her hope that she could too.
She and her mother had cried over the phone for a few minutes, and Stasia had shared all the details of her visits with the doctor and the police. She’d promised to keep her mother apprised of any and all developments. She’d also told her about Yoongi and his friends. Her mother had wanted to catch the next flight to South Korea. But Stasia had assured her that she was now surrounded by friends. And she had a safe place to live. She was even then packing her apartment up to move in with two friends, both girls. Sisters, in fact. Her mother had derived immense comfort from that knowledge. Stasia had promised to call her as soon as she got the results of the pregnancy test.
The moment of truth had arrived. She glanced up at Yoongi after grabbing the box off the table. She swallowed.
I’ll be done in a minute.
He walked with her towards the bathroom. She shut the door while he waited outside, leaning against another wall in another hallway. He grimaced as his heart picked up speed.
He had his own questions. What would he do if she was pregnant, and if she decided to keep her rapist’s baby? He was afraid she would. She was just the nurturing kind of person who would care for a child conceived in rape. He wasn’t sure how he knew that about her, but he did. Maybe because she’d come thousands of miles to teach the children of a foreign nation her own tongue.
What would he do if she kept her baby? Was he really willing to sign up for the position of fathering that child? It was crazy to be pondering such questions so early on in their acquaintance. But they were questions begging to be answered because of the unique circumstances in which they found themselves.
Ironic, really. Yoongi could have picked from millions of girls around the globe. He could have chosen a girl from South Korea. Or Singapore. Or London. Or L.A. Yet here he was protecting a young woman from Australia. A woman who might be carrying her attacker’s child. But Yoongi knew what Stasia would say.
“This is my baby. Nothing can change the fact that I am this child’s mother. And this baby deserves all the love her father never gave me.” And she’d be right.
Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open. She stood holding the stick in her hand. Her countenance was shrouded in apprehension.
“What is it? What does it say?” he asked as his heart crowded his lungs, making it hard to breathe.
“I don’t know. It takes a minute. I didn’t want to wait alone.”
Her eyes met his, and his heart suddenly melted. She was looking to him to be her support right now. So he would be. Once again, he prayed that he would be exactly what she needed him to be.
She studied the stick. She could see one line forming. Only one. She waited another minute. The timer on her phone went off a minute later. Suddenly, she heaved a sigh of relief and grabbed the box off the counter next to the sink.
She read aloud, “‘One line means you’re not pregnant. Two lines means you are probably pregnant.’”
Yoongi moved forward and looked down at the window at one end of the stick. One line. Now it was his turn to sigh with relief.
He glanced up at her. “So, you’re…”
“Not pregnant!”
She blew out a strong breath and tossed the test into the trash. Then she washed her hands. As she stepped away from the sink, Yoongi enveloped her in his strong embrace. His arms came around her with such an astounding sense of comfort that she began to cry.
She had never had a man treat her like Yoongi did. He cherished her. He treated her like she was a treasure. He sheltered her against the reassuring surface of his firm chest.
She buried her face against his shirt. Then she rubbed her cheek against its soft fabric. She was completely surrounded by love. It was such a sharp contrast to her ex-boyfriend’s treatment of her over twelve long weeks that she could only weep.
Yoongi planted his face in her hair and breathed in the scent of green apples. Now, he would always associate that scent with a sense of relief. He felt a warm glow stealing over him.
Their future was secure. She wasn’t going to have to raise another man’s baby. She wouldn’t have to look into the face of a beautiful child and possibly be reminded of the man who had raped her. But Yoongi knew many women had walked that road, and his heart went out to them. He applauded their courage. Even as he sent up a prayer of gratitude that she had been spared that path.
“Can we celebrate?” he murmured into her hair.
“Celebrate?” She pulled away from him and grabbed a Kleenex to blow her nose.
“Yes. I’ll take you to lunch and maybe out for ice cream? Or anything else you like?” Suddenly, he grinned as he quirked a dark eyebrow. “A chocolate muffin, perhaps?”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. The chocolate muffin reminded her that she could have had an escape route if she had chosen to trust Yoongi that first day. Instead, she had run right back into the mouth of the lion.
Yoongi saw the crestfallen look on her face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to remind you of that day. I wish I could go back there—”
She put her fingers over his lips, silencing him. “Don’t, Yoongi. Your friends were right. We can’t change the past. There is no point in revisiting it. Let’s just look to the future. It’s looking so much brighter now that you’ve entered the picture.” She paused before leaning forward to kiss his cheek once more. Her fingers slid off his lips. “To answer your question,” she whispered in his ear, “I could really use a caramel tart, but we probably can’t find any here.” Then she got a bright idea. “Could we make some? We’d have to take a trip to a grocery store…”
The expectant look on her face was simply adorable. In that moment, Yoongi knew that he would move the entire earth to get her that caramel tart. Whatever it was.
“Absolutely! A whole pan of caramel tart is headed your way.” He paused before admitting, “Of course, first you’ll have to tell me what a caramel tart is and how to make it!”
“Done!”
Yoongi’s heart rose as he saw the grin spreading across her delighted countenance. To be able to bring her any semblance of joy, however fleeting, rejoiced his heart. He found himself looking forward to the rest of the day. Spent in her adorable presence.
