MATURE RATING: Warning: This section of Ringing the Belle is a complete departure from anything I’ve written before. It deals with much more serious topics. I would definitely give this a very serious mature rating since it explores extremely sensitive topics. Please proceed with caution. To my faithful readers: if you find this story too disturbing to finish, I will not be offended. It was very difficult for me to write it. And its ending is very different from the ones I usually write. However, the last book in the series will not make as much sense without this story.
Chapter 4: The Hidden Flame – February 9 – 12, 2022
“Eunho,” her appa greeted him as he stepped through the door into his office. “Come. Sit down.”
Eunho settled into the chair. Uncomfortably. His heart was racing. He had to tell her father that he’d proposed to Haewon. The man was sure to be angry with him, but she was of legal age. She could do as she pleased.
Her father steepled his fingers on his desk as his sharp eyes found Eunho’s. “Haewon has informed me that she has agreed to marry you.”
Eunho swallowed. Apparently, his beloved had already let the cat out of the bag. “Sir—”
But her appa wasn’t about to let him get more than a word in. “What use do you have for an invalid bride? For an innocent girl like my daughter? And she is still innocent. No matter what your friends did to her!” he opined angrily. “You’re a playboy! Why would you even propose to her?”
“They’re not my friends, sir. I have shed them all. I’ve not spoken to any of them since that night. Nor do I plan to. I’m done with that life.”
He hadn’t fooled her appa after all. The man could see him for who he was. Quite clearly, apparently.
“Why do you want to marry my daughter?”
Eunho met those steely eyes unflinchingly. “I love her, sir.”
Her appa scoffed, a puff of air leaving his nose with alacrity.
Still, Eunho continued, “There has always been only one person on this earth that I care about more than myself. Haewon. She is the only person I have ever loved.”
Since Eomma died.
“You expect me to believe that you love my daughter?”
“I don’t expect you to believe anything, sir. You asked me a question, and I answered it truthfully. Your daughter is starved for affection. She believes no man will ever want her because of her weak heart. And now because she’s been used. I want to prove her wrong. I want to show her how much one man can care for her. So I asked her to marry me.”
“You want to bed her?”
Eunho winced. He shook his head. “I’ve never been attracted to her like that. She’s always been a child to me.”
“She’s no longer a child.”
“I know. I can see that with my eyes. But in my heart, she’s like an untouched china doll.”
“She is neither untouched nor a china doll. She is a living, breathing woman with feelings and desires and dreams,” her appa responded hotly.
“Is she, sir? Then why do you treat her as an invalid?”
Her father looked as though he’d just been slapped.
“Why do you keep her locked up inside this stuffy, old house when she craves fresh air and sunshine, freedom and laughter? I want to give her those things. I want to show her the world. I want to make her happy, sir. As she has made me. I want to marry her because being married to her will free me to take care of her and to delight her. I don’t mean in my bed. I mean, out there.” He waved his hand at the window. “I just want to give her a little happiness.”
Her appa stared at him. “She hasn’t told you, has she?”
Eunho’s eyes met his again. “Told me what?”
“Why she’s so eager to marry you.”
Eunho frowned as he drew his eyebrows towards his nose. “Sir?”
“She’s dying, Eunho. The doctors have given her six months. Maybe.”
“No!” Eunho shot out of his chair.
He couldn’t breathe suddenly. That priceless life – that girl made of sunshine and sweet breezes, of a melody and a smile – could not die! Her precious breath could not be snuffed out. Such a thing would be a crime against existence.
“It was a year, but the little episode with your friends cut her chances in half.”
Her appa breathed out a heavy sigh. Or, perhaps, fire. The rage was boiling just below the surface of his quiet voice.
Eunho felt like raging himself. “Gyeoul cut what’s left of her life in half!? I’m going to make him eat my fist!”
“Don’t.” Her father’s whispered word shocked him into silence. Then the man lifted sad eyes to him. “Be true to your word. Make my daughter happy. Give her the happiest six months of her entire life. Take her wherever she wants to go. Let her do all the things I kept her from. Help her live her life,” his voice broke, “before it’s too late. But swear to me two things. You won’t touch another woman as long as my daughter is alive. And you won’t do anything to hurt her precious heart or her frail body.”
Eunho stared at him as silent tears slid down his cheeks. “I swear to you that I will never again touch another woman. And I will do my utmost to make Haewon happy. I will not hurt her. I will cherish her tender heart and her precious body.”
Her appa nodded. “Let us have a quiet ceremony this weekend. Just your immediate family and ours. Then you can take her off on a beautiful honeymoon. Money is no object. I will finance it all.”
“No, sir. You will not.” He smiled crookedly at her father. “That is a generous offer, but I have more money than I could burn through in a lifetime. And it’s time I spent some of it on your daughter.”
The only girl I’ve ever loved.
“All right. But, Eunho, if you do burn through it, and you need more to take care of her, don’t hesitate to call me.”
He nodded. Her appa had no idea how rich he was.
—
Eunho took her to dinner the next night. He picked her up at six. In a limo. With a bottle of sparkling water. She laughed as she pulled it from the bucket of ice.
“No alcohol for you, my love,” he murmured teasingly. But there was a serious cast to his expression.
“Don’t, Eunho.”
“What?” He furrowed his raven eyebrows.
“Tonight is not a time for sadness. Or regret. Or fear. Please. Let’s just enjoy each other.”
A rueful smile twisted his lips, and his scar caught the light. She was about to ask him its origin, but before she could speak, he did.
“You look ravishing tonight, Haewon.”
She glanced down at the simple black dress she was wearing. It was neither sleeveless nor form-fitting. In fact, its bell sleeves fell all the way to her hands. And its skirt touched her knees. She had no desire to attract any man’s notice. She shuddered. Not ever again. Except for…
…Eunho.
She glanced up at him.
“Maybe I should have said, you look beautiful.” His eyes had a haunted expression in them now.
She glanced at the bottle of water. And wished it were something she could drown both of their memories in.
“Do you want some water?” he asked.
She nodded. Mostly because she didn’t know what else to do. Or say. She was beginning to realize that they were really strangers. She had agreed to marry a stranger. A violent stranger. Was she insane? Did she, perhaps, have a death wish? She laughed at her own macabre joke.
That’s rich, Haewon. A girl living always on the edge of death having a death wish. It’s more like I have a life wish.
“What are you laughing at?” he murmured as he poured her a glass of sparkling water.
“Having a life wish.”
“A life wish?”
“Yes, it’s like the opposite of a death wish.”
“Ahhh.”
Her father had asked him not to tell Haewon that he knew of her diagnosis.
His lips quirked sadly. “Do you have a life wish, Haewon?”
Her eyes tangled with his. “Always, Eunho. Always.” Then she glanced out the window. “I should like to live to be a hundred and twenty so I can kiss my great-great-grandbabies someday.”
“I am sure they would all be as breathtaking as you are.”
Her sad eyes met his again. She had a sudden urge to cross the distance between them and surrender her lips to his. Instead, she asked him a question about his work, and they spoke of nothing too personal throughout the remainder of the drive to the restaurant.
—
But once they were seated at a beautiful table blanketed in a crimson tablecloth and complete with white napkins, white plates, and black chopsticks, Eunho beamed at her. He leaned over to pick something up off the floor near the side of his chair. He set the elegant vase down in the middle of the table.
Her eyes devoured the red camellias. She gasped as they came to lift their faces towards her. They were truly lovely. Full of passionate color.
“Eunho, they’re beautiful.”
He smiled at her.
“But I think you picked the wrong flower.”
He frowned. “Why would you say that?”
“Do you not know what they mean? Red camellias represent love, passion, and deep desire.”
“They are a fitting beginning for us then,” he murmured.
She glanced up at him in confusion. Just in time to see him stand up. He reached for her hand.
“Come with me for a moment, my love.”
He tugged on her fingers and pulled her towards a door that led to a little terrace. It was an extraordinarily warm evening for mid-February. He led her out across an inlaid stone path until they were standing under an arbor. That was covered in red camellias. He reached for her other hand and drew both towards his mouth. He planted a kiss on, first, one, and then, the other. As his lips lingered on her skin, his eyes probed the depths of hers.
“Haewon, will you marry me?”
She blinked. “Eunho. I already said yes.”
His lips quirked in a sweet smile. “I know. I just wanted to give you a more romantic proposal than that which you received in a hospital room.”
She felt a tear forming in the corner of her eye. She tried valiantly to blink it back. “You did?”
“Yes.” He glanced up at the crimson blooms brushing his head. “Does this qualify?”
She nodded her head as that tear fell to cascade down her cheek. “Yes, Eunho! It’s just perfect.”
“Well, not quite. There’s something missing…” He squinted for a moment as though bending his mind to the task of solving a mystery. “Ah!” He released her hands and reached down into his pocket. He withdrew a tiny box and held it out to her.
Her eyes alight in her face, she reached for the red velvet box. He was falling in love with the glow emanating from her right now. His eyes clung to her skin.
She opened the box and gasped at the huge, heart-shaped ruby. It was nestled against a silver band.
Eunho’s rough voice sounded in her ears. It was husky with some indefinable emotion.
“I know it’s not a diamond. I felt that you needed something out of the ordinary. You have always been in a class by yourself. And I know you crave life. You have such a passion for living that the fiery ruby seemed the right choice. It’s a heart because, well, it just seemed appropriate. I, I’m giving you my heart, Haewon. Do with it what you will.”
—
“Seok.”
“What is it?”
Heejin sounded funny.
“My brother is getting married on Saturday.”
“What?” Yunseok couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d said her brother had been stabbed to death. “Who on earth would marry him?”
“I wondered the same thing. But then I found out that he’s marrying a childhood friend. Her name is Mae Haewon. We’ve known her since she was tiny. My brother always had a soft spot for her.”
Yunseok glanced at her sharply. “Do you think he molested her?”
“No!” Her eyes grew round in her face. “I am, in fact, sure he did not. She was the one person that he seemed to be a normal, nice human being around when we were children. In fact, he was always protecting her and caring for her when we were younger. I’m not sure why. Maybe because Haewon has a heart condition. She’s been sickly since birth.”
Yunseok just stared at her.
“There’s more.”
He quirked a dark brow at her.
“One of Eunho’s friends raped her the other night. Eunho found her afterward and took her to the emergency room. I think he was very upset that she’d been violated. My eomma said she’s never seen him so upset before. Apparently, he asked Haewon to marry him, and she agreed. Eunho is planning to take her on an extended honeymoon. To get her away from here, I think.”
“Wonders never cease,” Yunseok breathed.
Then he recalled the conversation he’d had with Heejin several days ago after they’d returned to their apartment the night they’d had dinner with her mother, Yunyeong, and Jungkook…
“Heejin, did your brother hurt you?” Yunseok had asked quietly as she set her purse on the coffee table.
She had refused to turn around. He’d stared at her back for a full minute before he’d spoken again.
“Did he ever touch you? Like he touched Yuni?”
“No,” she finally forced the word through her lips. “Not like he touched Yuni. I had a lock on my bedroom door. I learned early to use it.”
Her words chilled him. “What do you mean?”
He crossed the room towards her. When he was standing directly behind her, he whispered, “What exactly did he do to you?”
“When I was little, I angered him a few times. He shoved me into the wall. A couple times he slapped me with his hand. Once he punched me in the stomach.”
That time had been the worst. She’d fled from him after that. Always avoided him if she could.
“When I was eleven years old, I woke up one night to—”
She choked on her own words. Yunseok’s comforting hand came to rest lightly on her shoulder.
“It’s okay, Heejin. You can tell me anything. I can take it. I love you. I won’t be repulsed by you. It wasn’t your fault.”
His words melted the ice in her soul. How had he known that was her secret fear? That something was wrong with her that her own brother would sexually desire her and seek to satiate his craving with her. She spun around and threw herself against Yunseok’s chest. Then she spoke into his shirt, her voice muffled by the soft fabric.
“He was touching me, his fingers inching up my skin under my shirt.”
“Was that all that happened?”
She began to shake. She had never told anyone what she was about to tell him. “No,” she breathed in a tiny voice.
His arms had threaded themselves around her. Yunseok was pulling her gently up against him. “What else did he do, Heejin?”
“I couldn’t move. I was frozen at first. Petrified. Finally, I breathed his name.” Terror had laced her voice. “His eyes flew to my face in the darkness. I couldn’t see them, but I could feel them, you know?
“‘Hush, Heejin,’ he whispered. ‘Just let me touch you, and I’ll buy you that doll you wanted.’
“I was shaking so badly, but his hands moved higher. He-he touched my chest. I reached up and tried to pull his hand off of me, so he grabbed my wrist and twisted it. He shoved me down on my bed and sat on top of me. I started to scream, but his hand covered my mouth in the next moment. With my free hand, I grabbed his wrist and pulled. It was the only thing I could do. I was completely terrified.
“‘Don’t scream, or I’ll hit you,’ he warned me.
“Then he released my mouth so that he could touch me again. His hand slid down my body and between my legs. I could feel him trying to slip his fingers under my shorts, so I tried to roll away, and I begged him to stop.”
Her voice echoed in her mind.
“Please, Eunho. I’m your sister. Please stop.”
Heejin continued telling Yunseok her story. “The next moment, he was gone. I don’t know why he stopped. He just suddenly let go of my wrist and climbed off of me. He jumped off my bed and left my room. I jumped up and locked my door. I never left it unlocked ever again. Even when my friends stayed the night. But some of them didn’t listen to me. They left it open to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.”
Alarmed, he glanced down at her. “Did he come hurt you again?”
“No, but I think he hurt some of them. One of my friends said he’d kissed her and groped her in the hallway.”
She was still trembling, and now she was sobbing too.
“Heejin, I’m so sorry you went through that. Is that – is that why you thought you had to have sex with me? To appease me?”
She began to shake so hard her teeth were rattling. “I-I don’t know. I’m not used to kindness, Yunseok. The men in my family have no respect for women. My appa has hit me and my eomma. And he’s cheated on her more times than I can count.”
Yunseok’s tender heart broke in two. “Heejin,” he breathed her name into her hair. “No wonder you spent your life trying to make him happy. You must have been terrified of him and your brother both. How on earth did you find the courage to leave home?”
“You,” she squeezed him tight. “You gave me the courage. You were so kind to me. No man had ever been so sweet or gentle with me.
“Hobi was nice to me, but your kindness was always directed right at me. Hobi’s felt accidental. Like he was simply nice to everyone, and I just happened to be in the room with him so I got splashed by his happy colors as he flung them about.
“But with you, your sweetness seemed…calculated isn’t the right word…I felt like I was the only person in the room with you. And like you couldn’t see anyone but me. And that you were bent on being good to me. Does that make sense?
“I don’t know how else to explain it. I just felt so…safe with you. From the very beginning. You noticed me. You were aware when something hurt me. And you cared. You took time out of your busy schedule – in fact, you changed your plans – for me. I’d never felt so safe – or so loved – in my entire life. No one ever took time out of their schedule for me before you. No one ever changed their plans for me. But you did. I was a stranger, but you still treated me like I mattered to you.
“When I moved in and saw you’d left me a working can of pepper spray, I knew you were safe. That’s why I didn’t lock my door that first night. You were so intuitive. You knew I was afraid of being accosted, and you sought to set my mind at ease. To give me a defense against you.
“I almost couldn’t take it in, you were so wonderful. And then in the middle of the night when I was lost, terrified in my nightmare, you came and rescued me, and I knew I had finally found my home. Seok, you’re my home. You’re my safe place.”
“Heejin, I will always be your safe place.” He kissed her forehead.
He was so glad he’d taken a chance and rented this apartment. Now, if he could just convince her to marry him…
—
“My love? Are you nervous?”
Haewon turned at the soft sound of Eunho’s voice. Would she ever become accustomed to him calling her that?
“About tomorrow?” She shrugged. “Why should I be?”
But she was bluffing. She was terrified.
“Eunho, you needn’t call me your ‘love.’ Let there be no pretense between us. Please.”
A pained expression flitted across his face. “It’s not a pretense, Haewon.” He crossed the room to stand at her side. “I do love you. I always have.”
Together they stared out the same window for a moment. But then his eyes came to trace her lovely face. A face to which time had been truly kind.
“How do you remain as ethereal as you were as a child? Except for an added maturity that robs your face of its childhood in the most breathtaking way possible.”
She turned towards him suddenly. “Do you truly think I’m beautiful, Eunho?”
“I have always thought so,” he murmured.
“But not desirable,” she pouted. “You see me as a child. Like a china doll.”
It was true. He did.
It made her angry.
“But I am not a child!” She stamped her foot like one. “I am a woman. Weak in body. But full of passion!”
She turned towards him then. And stepped forward until her nose bumped his chest. She raised her face to look up at him.
“Kiss me, Eunho! I don’t want my wedding day to be my first kiss.”
He gazed down at her. And he began to tremble. She was making him quake. Why?
Because he was terrified of hurting her.
His eyes traced the mesmerizing planes of her face. He had often contemplated it and wondered at its beauty.
“Why am I so drawn to you?” he whispered as he lifted his hand to capture an errant curl and draw it back behind her ear.
She shivered at that slight touch. She seemed to be trembling now too. Her eyes were locked on his. He saw something shifting in her gaze. Something that made him feel weak.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Haewon.”
“Well, don’t hurt me then, Eunho,” she breathed.
He felt something catching at the back of his throat. His eyes left hers to travel towards her ear. She wanted to be touched. So he would start there.
He ran his fingertip down the outer edge of her ear until he fingered the back of her earlobe. His thumb brushed the velvet skin of its front. Then he skimmed his fingers along the skin running down her neck and across her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut. And a look of pure bliss slid over her features. Just from that simple touch of his skin against hers.
So his fingers reached up to slide down her cheek, beginning a sweet progression. One lone fingertip traveled over the soft plane of her nose, sliding down its length, before landing in the tiny divot hiding underneath. Ever so gently, that delving fingertip traced the outline of her lips. Finally, he brushed the pad of his thumb across them. Then his arm slipped around her waist to draw her close to him.
This action surprised her, and her eyes popped open as she came snug up against him. He bent his head and kissed her forehead, brushing his lips sweetly against the width of it. Then that beautiful mouth found the tip of her nose and kissed it until her eyes closed again. Next, those precious lips slipped across her cheek. Causing a hitch in her breathing.
She was becoming giddy with his kisses. She hadn’t even tasted his lips yet, but she could barely breathe anymore.
“Eunho,” she whispered, a sound of such longing escaping her that he felt completely drawn into her by her voice, which continued to echo his name in his ear.
In the next moment, his lips captured hers in a kiss that shocked them both. It was the barest of breaths. The simplest of touches. So why did Eunho feel like lightning had erupted from her skin under his lips? He had never encountered any sensation like it. It shocked him to his toes. He wanted more of her. Much, much more of her.
He suddenly felt like a blind man waking from a long stupor to discover he could finally see. Was this – was Haewon – what he had searched the faces of a thousand girls to find? Were her lips the treasure he’d been plundering hundreds of mouths to discover? Had his heart’s desire been with him all along?
—
This was it. This was what she had waited years for. Eunho’s kiss. Was this what all those girls had experienced? No wonder they had lined up to taste his lips. How had he ever had to force these lips upon anyone?
His kiss was beyond any dream in which she’d ever indulged upon her bed. At night. In the dark. Alone. When she had imagined he was with her.
But – all too soon – he lifted his head, and his breath escaped hers. And she sighed as she gazed up at him.
Was she dreaming? Was Eunho truly planning to marry her tomorrow? Would he desire to consummate their marriage tomorrow night? She swallowed with trepidation. She was still experiencing some soreness. She winced at the thought that Eunho might touch such a sensitive spot.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, picking up on her discomfort.
“It chafes still. The experience of the other night.”
Enlightened, he gazed down at her. “I swore to you that I would not touch a woman again,” he whispered. To set her mind at ease.
“I didn’t mean me,” she breathed in the tiniest of voices.
“You didn’t?” Shock had just spiraled down to his toes.
“No. I meant that if I was going to give myself to you, I wanted you all to myself.”
He felt like a dunce. He had not realized that she desired him that way.
“I told you I wanted to be touched. And you thought I meant untouched?”
“I – I don’t know what I thought. I was still thinking of you as a child then. I…”
“Do you still see me as a child?” she queried breathlessly.
Why did it matter to her so much that he found her desirable?
She was trembling again. He could feel her movement under his fingertips. She was gazing up at him with an odd look in her eyes. As he pondered her question, she seemed intent on proving her point that she was no longer a child but was now a woman to be wanted.
She lifted her face as she stepped up on her tiptoes and found his lips with her own. First, tentatively. But after a little while, she plundered his mouth with her own. And stupefied him. As he tasted her, he felt the earth shifting beneath his feet. She was drawing him into herself again. How did she do that?
“I won’t touch you. Unless I’m invited,” he whispered against her lips. “Every step of the way.”
“Let’s make each step count then,” she murmured against his mouth.
They spent several long minutes making today’s step count.
—
“I don’t want to put you in the same class as other women,” he murmured before he walked out the door that night.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, that I felt like I could abuse them all. I desired them. And I punished them for it. I have no desire to hurt you. I will not look at you the same way that I have seen them. Do you understand?”
She nodded. “But, Eunho, you have it backwards.”
“What?” His dark brows tried to meet in the center of his forehead.
“You need to see all of them as you see me.”
He would spend the rest of tonight meditating on those words before he finally slid off into fitful dreams in which the girls he’d wronged confronted him and demanded to be seen and treated as priceless.
—
She was a beautiful bride. No, those words did not do her justice. She was otherworldly dressed in white and waiting at the altar for him. Her long, dark tresses spilled down towards her waist. Her midnight eyes were positively luminous under the lights.
But it was the look on her face that enchanted him. Like that of a small child embroiled in wonder. And ecstasy over some forbidden treat that had suddenly been released into her possession. In that moment, Eunho knew that Haewon craved him. That she had for a very long time.
He was beginning to feel an answering call within himself. But he kept pushing down his desire. It made him feel awful. Those urges were all tied up in activities that he never should have participated in. In memories of evil he’d inflicted on innocent girls. How was he to free such desires from the forbidden and bind them only to what was good and lovely?
He felt an odd ache spiraling up out of him as he stared in awe at her and wondered how he could ever love her as she deserved to be loved.
—
“Eunho.” Her voice was just a breath, but it was the gentle brush of her fingers against his chin that undid him. She was caressing his scar. “What happened here?”
They were alone. In a hotel room. He’d rented the penthouse suite for the night. The first evening of their honeymoon. They would leave for Hawaii in the morning. But tonight was all theirs. Just the two of them in a room that overlooked the city through floor-to-ceiling windows. The lights of Busan sparkled up at them in the growing darkness.
He closed his eyes. “Please don’t make me tell you.”
Why did he feel that he always owed her the truth? Anyone else he could ignore. Or lie to. But when she confronted him, he felt that she deserved only his veracity. Maybe it was because he never feared her anger.
“Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“Because I don’t want you to despise me,” he whispered.
She simply gazed up into his eyes. Waiting for his explanation. So he stared down into hers. And sighed.
“A woman’s teeth. And her lover’s fist completed the job.”
Her eyes grew wide. “You mean, she bit you?”
He nodded.
Her eyes traced that white line. “Clean through?”
Again, his head bobbed.
“That must have been some kiss,” she murmured in awe.
“A kiss of desperation,” he admitted.
Her eyes instantly careened into his. “You were raping her?”
“No. I didn’t make it that far. Her lover finished the job she started before I could…”
“But you tried to.”
He nodded.
“When?”
“Over a year ago now. Just over a year ago.”
He wasn’t looking at her anymore. He’d loosened his hold on her too, his hands falling to his sides.
“Are you ashamed of that day now? Of your behavior?”
“I am when I’m with you.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I know you wouldn’t approve of such behavior.”
“And if I weren’t here, Eunho? If tomorrow I slip the bonds of this earth and step into eternity, what will you do with your choices then? When you are free of your vows to me, will you try to force yourself on another unwilling girl? Will you try to wrestle control from a life spinning out of control?”
Her eyes speared his again. And once more he marveled at her ability to so accurately read him.
“That’s why you did it, isn’t it? Because you’ve felt helpless ever since you were a child. You’ve tried to grasp power where you could.”
“How do you know that?” He frowned.
“Because I have been powerless my entire life. I recognize in you the desperation I feel.”
“No. You’ve never been powerless, Haewon. You’ve always been so poised. Even as a tiny child.”
She laughed. “Then I’ve fooled you. I have lived according to the whims of others and despised my solitary existence. Even your sister was afraid to play with me. Afraid she would hurt me or lose me or…I don’t know. Only you – only you, Eunho! – became my friend. And sought to pull me into your colorful world. It so hurts my heart that you never saw it for the wonderland I did.”
He stared at her in astonishment. She had envied him his life?
Of course, she had. He could walk outside and breathe in the sun. Run around in the yard and laugh. And she didn’t know about his appa. Not about his blackening belt, or his bruising boot, or his pummeling palm.
“Who are you punishing?” she whispered the words so quietly that he thought he’d dreamed them until she uttered them more loudly the second time.
“Her.”
She furrowed her brow. “Who?”
“The woman my appa took to his bed when he should have been kissing my eomma.”
Haewon’s face fell. “I wonder who Gyeoul was punishing when he raped me.”
His eyes flew to her face. “Haewon,” her name was the barest of breaths.
“Do you still feel the need to punish her?”
“Not when I look at you.”
“So, again, if you cease to see me tomorrow, who will you choose to become, Eunho? Know that if you ever turn back to your old life, you will break my heart asunder. Whether or not I am here with you.”
He peered down at her intense face. At those disturbing eyes that had always seen right through him.
“I will do my best to please you,” he murmured.
A thundercloud descended upon her forehead. “No! It is not enough to please me, Eunho. You must decide to choose what is right for right’s sake. Have you no compass?”
“I lost her,” he murmured as his eyes turned inward. “She died when I was four years old. And all of the meaning in life went with her. It’s been one ugly mess since. Except for you. You have been the one bright spot. Like she was.”
“Who died?”
“Eomma.”
“Who made your life ugly?”
“Appa.”
“How?”
She was startled when he suddenly untucked his shirt and with one hand yanked it up over his head. Her heart began to hammer in her chest. She had never seen Eunho without his shirt on. What was he doing?
He turned around then and displayed his back to her. And she gasped. She felt suddenly quite sick to her stomach. Her heart was lurching all over the place too.
“Wh-wha—?” She couldn’t even force the question out.
“His belt buckle. It’s what made those scars.” His lips twisted wryly. “You see? My face isn’t the only thing that’s scarred.”
“No,” she whispered. “Your heart is too.”
He turned his head abruptly to look at her. “I meant my back.”
“I know what you meant,” she murmured as her eyes traced the knots of scar tissue mottling his back. When she reached up a gentle fingertip to trace them tenderly, she murmured, “How old were you?”
“When it started? Four.”
Her eyelids closed slowly. And her breathing ceased.
Four years old?
When her breathing resumed, she whispered, “And when it stopped?”
“Twelve. I grabbed the belt from him and threatened to hit him with it. I outstripped him at a very early age.”
“And you took out the rage he’d unleashed on your soul on all those girls.”
He hissed as he inhaled sharply. But her merciless eyes found his. And held them.
“Didn’t you? You took out all the pain he inflicted upon your young soul on every girl who resisted you. Tell me, Eunho, how many resisted you?”
“Fewer than gave in to me,” he muttered. “I don’t know. I didn’t keep any books.”
His words were cold, dispassionate.
“Didn’t you? Well, I suppose we can start one now.” She glanced around their hotel room. “Do you think there’s a notebook in this room anywhere?”
“What?” He stared at her. Uncomprehending.
She searched the room. Her eyes flowing over surfaces. Her fingers tugging open drawers. She found a notepad in a drawer. She picked it up and leafed through it. It was blank. Nodding with satisfaction, she located a pencil and glanced down at the top page. In the upper left-hand corner, she wrote the number one and then her name.
“If you ever forget your vow to me, I insist that you write their names below mine. Then, every time you violate your conscience, you’ll have to look at my name and remember that you have it in you to be gentle to a woman. And not hateful.”
He gaped at her. Her words had just cut him to the quick.
Why?
She set the notepad down. And reached for his hand. “Come. Show me how gentle you can be, Eunho.”
He loved – no, he adored – the way she said his name. Like it was the sweetest breath she’d ever taken. It seemed to echo the manner in which his beloved eomma had spoken his name.
“I love you, Eunho.”
Her whispered words had never left his heart. They were the only reason he had any gentleness left in his soul with which to shower Haewon. But they were there. And they were reverberating today. So as his wife reached for his fingers and drew him towards their bed, he followed her. Bent on showing her only tenderness.
