Chapter 6: Cascading Love – March 14 – May 12, 2022
Her eyes slid lovingly along the beautiful curve of his beloved head. She loved this boy with all her heart. The man he was when he was with her alone. The tender soul he’d always revealed himself to be in her presence. Even when she’d been unveiled before him in all her vulnerability. He had simply cleansed her and covered her. And carried her to safety.
No matter who he had been to all those other girls, Eunho had always been a hero to her. She believed that the Eunho she saw was the one he was meant to be. All the other girls had seen a flimsy shadow of the true man. A horrid counterfeit. A gross image he’d chosen to embrace over his true self.
But for some inexplicable reason he had chosen to show her his true self. Her heart flooded with tenderness for him as her eyes found his sweet countenance, now relaxed in slumber. It was early morning, and the glorious sun was just beginning to flood their hotel room with its wonderful light. She had never – not in all her life – enjoyed the sun as much as she had during the last month she’d spent here in Maui with this darling man.
They had lazed the days away walking the beach and spending hours together in this delightful bed. It was delightful because Eunho occupied it with her. Giving her his sweet kisses. Touching her with a gentleness that defied the reality he had shown the remainder of the world. They had yet to consummate their marriage, and he seemed perfectly content with this state of affairs. She marveled at him.
She bent towards him, and her lips brushed his. His eyes fluttered open, and the captivating mouth beneath hers curved into a smile as his arm slid around her and drew her near. After a few delicious moments of tenderness, she backed a little away from him and gazed into his beautiful eyes.
“This is you, Eunho. This is who you were meant to be.”
“A man very satisfied to be lying in a bed with you, my beautiful girl?” he responded with a certain light in his eyes. A light that was making her melt.
“A man full of tenderness, lying in a bed for a month with a girl he’s married but never…” She let her voice trail off. Then, she continued, “I think you must be full of patience, Eunho.”
“For you, I have all the patience in the world. We have all the time we need,” he murmured, without thinking about it.
Her face fell, and his heart skipped a beat.
“It’s not true, Eunho. Time flies, my love, when I’m with you. A month of our honeymoon has passed already!”
“Then we will just extend it.”
“We can’t,” she cringed. “I have a doctor’s appointment I must attend in May.”
She was to be re-evaluated. To see if, on the off chance, she had become eligible to receive a heart through the donor list.
“Then, we will return to Korea then. That still gives us two more blissful months together. Here in paradise.” He claimed her lips with his own for a few lovely moments.
Against his lips, she murmured, “You’re really all right with staying here? With not taking a grand tour of the world?”
“If you’re happy in Hawaii, then I’m happy in Hawaii.”
“I am. And I just…I don’t want to waste time trying to recuperate in a new location. I’ve felt amazingly good here.”
“Then we’ll just move here! We can live out the remainder of our days sipping POG on the beach while we watched the waves crashing against the shore.”
She sobered suddenly. “Eunho, there’s something I must tell you…”
Her eyes met his, and he watched in alarm as hers filled with tears.
“I…I don’t have much longer left.”
“Don’t say that,” he gasped against her mouth.
“It’s true.”
“It is not!”
His heart began to race in his chest. Even his heart knew that she was born to live. Not to die.
“The doctors have said that I have only a few months left.”
“I don’t care what they’ve said. They’re wrong! You’ll never leave me, Haewon. Your heart is too faithful.”
“My heart is failing, love.”
“No,” he whispered. “No.”
Then he began to kiss her with a passion that exhilarated her. She wound her arms around his neck and drew him down on top of her. As their tongues danced, he began to weep. His tears slid down her own skin.
“It’s all right, Eunho,” she tried to comfort him. “I’m happy. Here with you. You’ve made me happier than I ever dreamed of being. I have found heaven on earth here with you,” she insisted, her voice an odd blend of joy and sorrow. “And now you have seen who you were always meant to be. How gentle your heart is. How kind your touch can be. This is who you will be. Even once I’m gone.”
“Stop.” He couldn’t contemplate living without her. He wouldn’t. He absolutely refused to do so.
So he bent his will to the task of loving her well. His mouth shut off the sound of her voice. He kissed her with a new intensity. He wanted all of her today. He wanted to crawl inside of her heart and never step back out into the light of day again. He longed to bury his own heart within her chest so that it could beat for her alone. So she would live forever, dancing to the steady cadence of his own strong heartbeat.
—
He took her to the waterfalls that day. He drove for several hours to reach the series of falls that he most wanted to share with her. He had been here once as a child. The wonder of those cataracts had filled his soul with joy. He just knew that they would overwhelm her with their beauty too.
He frowned with concern as he watched her sleep the hours away, her seat leaned back at a forty-five degree angle in the car. She was sleeping more these days. He’d noticed that their walks along the beach were becoming shorter too. Their hours in bed longer. And not as much of that time was spent kissing. Mostly, he cradled her in his arms and watched her sleep.
He loved those moments. His eyes would trace the lovely planes of her enchanting face. Drinking in her beauty. Her stunning fragility that grew with each day. But those hours were also difficult for him. For he knew his heart was frantically attempting to memorize every detail of her countenance so that when the time came that she faded from his life, her image would be burned just as brightly into his mind as it was now when he spent all day with her every day.
He might deny it to her face, but he knew she was slowly departing from him. He could feel it every time he glanced into her eyes. Or held her hand. Or watched her sleep in the sun. Its compassionate rays painted her face with a luminescence that captivated him. But they also revealed how delicate the balance of her life had become.
He let her sleep. He was hoping her hours’ long rest would energize her enough to enjoy the waterfalls. He had chosen the Upper Waikani Falls because of their stunning beauty and the golden memory of them he still cherished. They were also easy to see from the road, in case she was too exhausted to hike down to the pool into which they flowed. But she and Eunho had worn their swimsuits just in case she felt up to the climb. He was hoping she would. He wanted to splash in the water with her. He couldn’t think of a more romantic spot than the one to which he was taking her today. And Eunho longed to fill her soul with romance.
Finally, they arrived, and he found a coveted parking space with ease. He stared at the falls for a few moments before transferring his gaze to his captivating wife. She was still achingly lovely. He had never thought that combination of words about any other woman. But sometimes it hurt his heart to look at her. Especially now. She seemed so fragile. Like a stiff wind might uproot her from his life and whisk her away to some kinder place, to some more tender man, to a sweeter existence.
But had she heard his thoughts, Haewon would have disagreed. There was no kinder place than Eunho’s embrace. There was no more tender man than this one who had rescued her from her worst nightmare and carried her away on a dream honeymoon. There was no sweeter reality than walking the beach with him at sunset, drinking in his words of love, or lying in his arms in the middle of the night, listening to him breathe. Or losing herself in his kiss. In his touch.
Oh! To be touched by a man who loved her! There was no greater realm of being than that. Haewon felt like she had already attained Heaven. Each day with him was so much more than she had ever expected out of her meager existence.
“Haewon.” Her name was a whisper floating across the car. “Haewon, my love, wake up.”
The tenderness in his tone undid her. A tear invaded her eye even whilst it was still closed. Slowly, she opened her eyes and allowed the beautiful sunlight to flood her field of vision. She glanced over at him.
“We’re here. The falls.” He gestured with his chin towards the cataracts across the street.
She followed his eyes and gasped. “Oh, Eunho! They’re…” she searched for a word that would do them justice, “magnificent!”
“Do you want to try climbing down to the pool? Are you up for a swim?”
She smiled and nodded. “I feel reinvigorated now that I’ve slept.” But she paused.
“What is it?” he asked as his heart picked up speed.
Before she could answer, her stomach rumbled for her. She gave him a sheepish glance.
He grinned. “You’re hungry?”
She nodded.
“Perfect. I packed a picnic.” He glanced into the back seat.
“You did? Eunho, you’re delightful!”
“Shall we eat in the car before we descend the cliff?”
“Yes! Please. Eating will give me more energy.”
That’s when he took a sharper look at her. She wasn’t as energetic as she was pretending to be. His heart fell. But he wanted to preserve as much of the beauty of today as he could, so he gave her an encouraging smile as he reached for the picnic basket. They ate in silence for a while as they watched the water falling down the face of the cliff. Then Eunho spoke.
“I tossed a bag of our things in the back. I booked us a hotel on this end of the island for tonight. That way we won’t have to make the journey back this evening. You can just rest at the hotel.”
She gave him a tremulous smile. “Eunho, you’re always unfailingly kind to me,” she whispered.
“Not at all. I just don’t want you wearing yourself out.”
“Doing nothing.”
“Your body is working on breathing, your heart on beating. You’re not doing nothing, Haewon.”
“Do you think at the end of my life, I will have anything to show for it?” she asked him suddenly.
“What do you mean?”
“What good have I been to anybody, Eunho? I mean, really? Beyond being loved by my parents. And you…”
He stared, unseeing, out the windshield. “Haewon, do you realize you are the only person who has ever loved me?” he whispered. “I mean, besides my eomma.”
She stared in shock at him. And she choked back a sob. “Wha-at?”
“You have made all the difference in my life. Don’t discount yourself just because your life hasn’t been like everybody else’s.” All of a sudden, he felt overwhelmed by emotion. He fought hard to hold back the sob that was bubbling up in his chest, but he lost control, and the sound erupted from him violently. “I can’t even think about a tomorrow that doesn’t contain you.” He put his face in his hand and wept.
She didn’t know what to say to him, so she just sat, watching him fall apart. “Eunho…”
After a few silent seconds, she tried to comfort him. “You’ll be all right. You are very good at loving someone when you want to. You have been so good to me.” She began to weep too. “You have loved me better than anyone in my whole life, Eunho. Even better than my parents. And they adore me. If you lavish that same love on some other girl, it will be reciprocated. I’m sure of it. You won’t spend your life alone.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” he breathed, capturing her eyes with his own.
“I know…” she whispered.
She reached out and slid her fingers along his, embracing his hand with her warmth. What was left of it. She felt so cool. It scared him. He sandwiched that hand between both of his and sought to warm it.
“Are you cold?”
“No, I’m not cold. In fact, I do want to take a swim in a few minutes. Just let me rest for a moment.” She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
He watched her for a few moments as his fingers caressed hers. “Haewon, I want you to dream for a moment. If you could do anything with your life…if you could live as long as you wanted to, what would you do? What do you want to be?”
He watched as her lips curved into a sweet smile. Her eyes still sealed shut, she murmured, “I would become an elementary school teacher. With an emphasis in mathematics.”
“Really?” He grinned. “I can totally see that. You’ll be amazing with kids. What grade?”
“I would love to teach fourth graders. Kids are so much fun at that age, and their brains can handle more difficult challenges. I would love to inspire them to reach for the stars.”
“I can see it. You will, Haewon. I can see you standing in front of a classroom full of fourth graders. They’re all grinning up at you as you teach them division. They love you. Almost as much as I do. What do you need to do to make this dream come true?”
“Live,” she breathed.
“After that.”
“I would need to finish my college degree.”
“You’ve begun earning it?” Surprise laced his voice.
“Oh, yes. Actually, I’ve got only a year left.”
“You can do it, Haewon. I believe in you.”
She opened her eyes and gazed at him. “Eunho.”
“What?”
“Let’s go swimming.”
—
He took the plunge over the cliff face to find the walking trail below the bridge. Then he held his arms up towards her and directed her to sit on the edge and slide down into his safe embrace. As he always had, Eunho once again caught her and pulled her safely up against him for a moment. Her heart had lurched in her chest twice. First, when he had descended. Second, when she had slipped towards his beckoning arms. But he had come to her rescue yet again.
After a moment of hugging her tightly against him to allow her fragile heart to recover its beat, he reached down to envelop her hand with his larger one. Then he drew her along the path towards the pool beneath the falls. This shimmering, aquamarine pool was dancing in the light of the sun and inviting them to come take a dip in it. But they’d have to watch their step; it was littered with large rocks. Still, this was the most romantic spot she had ever seen. And, miraculously, they would not have to share this delight with anyone else this afternoon.
Several huge boulders lined the side of the pool that faced the waterfalls. Eunho helped her to climb up on one of the massive rocks. Then he bent to remove her shoes. She slid out of her shorts and pulled her shirt over her head. She was wearing a cute one-piece swimming suit that hugged her body lovingly.
Eunho had a strong desire to pull her into his arms. He wondered when his attraction to her had shifted focus and deepened. He no longer thought of her as a child. She was, in fact, more alluring to him in that modest bathing suit than all the short-skirted girls he’d dated. But he hadn’t yet touched her most private preserve. She had yet to issue him an invitation. He was beginning to think she never would.
For some reason, this knowledge did not disturb him, though. Their relationship seemed almost a fitting antidote to the years he had spent being violently sexual. It was as though Haewon had renewed his youth. As though she had turned back time and given him a second chance to live as he should have from the beginning. He was learning that a beautiful love story could progress slowly and didn’t have to revolve around sex. Though, she did seem to enjoy kissing him. And she let him touch her nearly everywhere now. He’d even slid his hands up the silky skin of her thighs several times. But never any higher. Unless he was past her waist. Or sliding his hand up her hip. She’d allowed him to touch that inviting spot too.
Despite the restrictions she still imposed upon him, he found himself oddly content. So he easily quashed the impulse to draw her near right now. Instead, he took off his own shoes and pulled his shirt over his head before climbing down from the boulder and holding his arms up to catch her and carry her down into the surprisingly warm water.
—
The water was blissful. Almost as wonderful as the embrace of Eunho’s arms as he carried her deeper into the pool. Did he know that she felt too weak to walk right now? He’d drawn her into his arms as he’d helped her down from the rock, and he’d never released her. He’d pulled her snug against him, his arms enveloping her and holding her close to him. All her weight thrown against him. As they moved into deeper water, it helped to lift her.
She smiled up into his face. He drew her close to the waterfalls. Together they gazed up at nature’s beautiful echo of that unceasing love he felt for her.
He bent his head to murmur into her ear, “Look, my love, another picture of my passion for you. It’s an endless cascade washing over us.”
She gazed at that rushing torrent of beauty before tearing her eyes away from it to delve the depths of his own. She loved Eunho’s dark eyes. She always had. From that first glance in the hallway when she was a tiny girl of seven years. Something in them had always called to her, drawing her close to him.
Now the woman of twenty-one years lifted her face and kissed him sweetly for several moments. He drew his head up a little and ran the long blade of his nose along hers. His eyes strayed to the crystal water cascading down the face of the cliff in front of them. They were a scant two feet from where it embraced the pool in a flurry of white bubbles. His voice contained a smile when next he spoke.
“Do you want to get wet? Would you like me to move us under the waterfall?”
Suddenly, she laughed like she used to as a tiny child. He could almost hear her clapping her hands. “Yes, Eunho! Let’s do it!”
It was a warm day. She had no fear of becoming chilled. So Eunho did her bidding and waded out under the heavy stream of water. He watched in wonder as she lifted her face to welcome that mighty torrent. It rained down upon their heads for several seconds until he suddenly stepped back out of its reach, carrying her with him.
Breathless, she beamed up at him. Then she drew a deep breath as her smile faded. Something shifted in her eyes, and he bent his head to brush his lips across hers again. Today was golden. He would always remember it. So would she.
—
For several weeks, they whiled the hours away in the light of a kind sun. But before the end of the three months, she was beginning to fade. They both knew it. She stopped walking along the beach with him. Instead, he carried her in his arms and strode along without her footsteps imprinting the sand next to his.
When he first discovered she was too weak to carry herself upon her legs anymore, he tenderly asked her, “Haewon, do you want to go home?”
Sounding truly distressed, she cried out softly, “No! I love this island! And when you carry me. I love being here with you. I don’t want to leave. Carry me down to the ocean. Please. I want to feel the water swirling around us.”
So he helped her put her swimsuit on. Echoes surrounded him. He recalled the first time his fingertips had slid along her skin as he’d dressed her after she’d been raped. He didn’t want to think of that, but again he felt as though he was dressing a china doll. He slid the bra of the swimsuit around her middle, drawing it behind her back to fasten its hooks. The first day she’d struggled to don her swimsuit, he’d bought her a bikini because it was easier to dress herself in a two-piece bathing suit. Now he was thankful. It was easier for him too.
They had never consummated their marriage, but as she’d grown weaker, she’d begun to need his help to take her clothes off. And to put them on. She’d overcome her initial embarrassment with relative ease.
Eunho had found himself in an odd state. His eyes and fingers sliding over a girl’s bare skin without actually tasting her whole body. But his concern for her overcame every unruly desire of his body. He could feel her slipping away; he was nursing a broken heart; he had no desire to quench his body’s impulses. The ache of his heart was simply too great. He just wanted to keep her with him. In whatever capacity he could.
He would have given anything if he had just been able to save her. To keep her here on this green earth. To give her another year of enjoying the ocean’s breezes. Another decade of digging her toes into the warm sand. A lifetime of chasing butterflies.
But all too soon, their golden days under the sun in Hawaii came to an end. Maui had been an illusion, and they had both known it. They’d just been biding their time, waiting for their inevitable separation. But they’d reveled in enjoying their daydream together. They would always remember their time basking in the sunshine and luxuriating in the embrace of the ocean’s breeze.
With sad eyes they stared out the window of the airplane as it lifted them off the ground. They were headed home, so why did they both feel as though they were leaving it behind?
