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Chapter 8: The Kindness of a Kookie – July 1, 2019

Instantly, his hand dropped to his side.  He stared at the side of her head.  She had such a beautiful ear.  His eyes traced its swirls for a moment.  And noted the tiny crinkles in the top bend of it.  

Then he realized his shirt was lying in the grass.  He bent to retrieve it.  He pulled it over his sweaty frame.  Echh.  Now he was uncomfortable.  But he’d endure it for her.

She was still turned away from him.

“Please, Yunyeong, don’t shut me out.  Tell me what’s wrong.  I don’t understand what I did.  So how can I avoid upsetting you again if I don’t know what’s wrong?  What I did wrong?”

She sighed.  Loudly.  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Kookie.”

She pressed her fingers against her lips.  It had just slipped out.  She hadn’t meant to say it.

Kookie?

She had a pet name for him? 

He stared at her in shock.  And utter delight.  She’d just called him Kookie!

“I’m just…I’m not like other girls.  I can’t…”  She turned sharply towards her home.  “Come on.  Let’s head back.  Yun is probably missing you.”

“Yunseong isn’t the reason I come to your house every day.  And she knows it.”

His words stilled her movement.  Instantly.  As though her feet had suddenly been surrounded by a glacier.  She was moored there in the middle of the park.  With no hope of escape from the beautiful insinuation he had just made.

She didn’t want to look at him, but his voice compelled her.  Her eyes met his in a flash of lightning.

“It’s you, Yunyeong.  You’re the reason I’ve been hanging out with your sister all week.”

She couldn’t even blink.  This beautiful boy liked…her?

He grinned suddenly.  “Don’t get me wrong.  I love beating Yunseong at MIRᴙOR.  But she’s got a crush on my best friend, and I’ve known it since the first moment I saw her look at him.”

“So you had to give up your crush on her?” And transfer it to me?  

Second place.  Again.  It was always second place for her.  Who could compete with a sister like Yun?  Who would even want to?  She was such a sweetheart; of course, everyone around her fell in love with her.  And didn’t even notice quiet Yunyeong.

“I don’t need a pity vote, you know.  I’m well aware that I can’t compete with Yun.  All the guys have always flocked to her.”

Except for one.

She shuddered.

“Why do you do that?” he asked suddenly.  Sharply.

Her eyes found his.  “What?”

“Put yourself down.”

Because he had.  The man she never talked about.  He had shown her what she was really like.  And she despised herself now.

“I deserve it.”

Now Jungkook was the angry one.  He stepped towards her, menacingly.  He reached out and grabbed her arm.  But his fingers were soft, tender on her skin.  Not biting into her.

“That is a lie.  You don’t deserve it.  You deserve…beauty.  All the good things in life.  You were born for love, Yunyeong.”

She sighed and looked away from him.  “Maybe once.  But I chose a different path.  And I pay for it every single day.  I know my true worth now.  I’m nothing.”

“What?” His face twisted in pain.  “What are you talking about?”

Her countenance crumpled suddenly.  “Go home, Kookie!  You don’t want a girl like me!  You don’t!  You want someone pure and sweet and unsoiled like Yun!”

She turned to flee from him, but Jungkook was quicker.  He threw his arms around her from behind and pulled her up against him.  He buried his face in her shoulder and breathed into her ear.

“No.  I want you.”

She froze.  She felt those words all the way down into the deepest parts of herself.  And they continued to echo, reverberating throughout her whole person.

I want you.

I want you.

I want you.

She closed her eyes.  But they couldn’t keep the tears from coming.  They began to course down her cheeks.  A moment later, a sob escaped her lips.  

She had believed she would never hear those words from another man.  Only this time, she had wanted to hear them.  Because Kookie meant them differently.  She knew he did.  

He was good.  And pure.  And sweet.  He had no hidden motives.  No haunting agenda.  No desire to use her and toss her away.

“Hey,” Jungkook breathed softly against her ear.  He loosened his hold on her.  “Come here.”

She gave in to him.  She turned towards him.  She buried her face against that solid chest and bawled like she hadn’t cried in over three years.  When it had happened, she hadn’t been able to weep.  She’d felt her heart freeze over that day.  And nothing had thawed it since.  

Nothing, that is, until she’d met the light of Kookie’s smile.  And the identical glow in his eyes.  She’d been melting for days.  And now she had finally given in completely to his sweet rays.  To the warmth of that light in his countenance.

Her arms came up around his waist, and she hugged him to her as her tears mingled with his sweat to completely soak his T-shirt.  Her slender shoulders shook as he dropped his face towards the top of her head.  He ran his nose over her hair and breathed in her scent.  

Roses.

She smelled like heirloom roses.  He smiled.  They were one of his favorite fragrances.  She smelled glorious.  Like a whole garden full of the finest blooms.  

He wanted to take her there.  To that rose garden.  To a secret garden.  One which only he could unlock.  He’d whisk her inside its secure walls and close the door, forever locking out the unkind world.  

He’d hold her in his arms in that garden, surrounded by the flowers that smelled so like her.  And he’d kiss her lips there under the shade of an apple tree.  He’d run his nose over her cheek.  And whisper sweet words into her ear.  And just, quite simply, love her.

“I love you.”

He murmured the words under his breath, but she felt them all the way down into her core.  She began to shake.  No man had ever spoken those words to her.  And meant them.  But she knew – she just knew – Kookie did.

She clutched him closer and wept louder.  When he knew…when he knew the truth about her, would he still feel the same?  

But how could she tell him?

For she had just discovered something alarming about herself.  She craved his touch.  She longed for his love.  She wanted his words.  She desired Kookie.  His heart.  His soul.  His face.  His lips.  The beautiful words that just seemed to drip like honey from his tongue.

She needed him.  She needed those strong arms that were holding her right now.  She needed that sweet breath that was playing with her hair and slipping over her ear.  She needed that kind heart that had pursued her even when she’d fled from him.

So she kept her face buried over that steadfast heart for several more minutes as she finally calmed down and began to breathe in his own scent.  Like an ocean breeze.  Refreshing and free.  But mixed with the spice of his own making today.  She could bury herself in his scent.  Breathe it in forever.  Something tantalizing… 

“Please.  Please tell me what’s breaking your heart, Yunyeong.”

He breathed the words into her ear.  She shivered as she felt that whisper float across her skin.  She desired some things so strongly in that moment.  But she knew she could never have them.  No matter how her heart yearned for them.

She had never told anyone.  Not even Yun.  Especially not Yun.  Her sister had such high standards.  And Yunyeong had known that she would suffer her disappointment if she told her the truth.  So she had said only that he had broken her heart and left it at that.  But she’d made it abundantly clear for the past three years that she wanted nothing whatsoever to do with another man.  Ever again.

Until the day she’d stood in her twin’s doorway and stared at the most beautiful boy she’d ever seen.  It was the purity that lay under his captivating countenance that had drawn her to him.  She’d been fighting it for a week.  To no avail.  

She could deny him nothing.  Not really.  And that feeling scared her.  She’d been down this road before.  With disastrous results.  Her only hope was in his character.  If he truly was different from the other one, then he wouldn’t use her.  He wouldn’t toss her to the side.  He wouldn’t destroy her.

But if she had calculated wrongly…if she had discerned incorrectly, then she would never recover from Jungkook’s treachery.  The possibility arced through her as a lance of pain.  

What if she was wrong?  What if she had honed her suspicions into a fine instrument for discerning evil from good yet had made a fatal error in Jungkook’s presence?  What if she had a blind spot still?